Life's Journey

This weekend I was able to do something I love. I painted a nursery for some friends that are expecting their first child in July. I haven't painted a room in over a year, I wasn't sure I'd have the energy. We talked about it weeks ago and they said they wanted planes and rockets. The creative part of my brain got to work right away and I started sketching out ideas. Everyone liked the sketches and it got me motivated… I really wanted to do this project. So this was the weekend. This room took a total of 16 hours to finish. I'm not going to hide the fact that I am now totally exhausted and every cell in my body hurts - but it was totally worth it. The room came out awesome and I loved creating it. I always seem to forget how much I love creating these rooms until I start doing it again. I used some different techniques on this one too. There is a spaceship and I used a metallic silver paint on it to make it pop. I used the same paint with a sponging technique to give the moon some texture. Ok, so now you are saying to yourself - what moon? What spaceship? Let me see it!  Well.. Ok then! Here are a few photos and a link to more.

They don't have the room totally set up yet, but you get the idea. I think it came out really cute and most importantly I am happy to say that the parents-to-be love it! Yay!   Looking back I realize that 16 hours in a couple days = long days. Saturday I put in about 10 hours on it. But here's the thing, I get so absorbed in what I'm doing and I love it so much the time just slips away. When I stop is when it hits me, especially now because the chemo just wears me down faster. Last night when I got home I thought I'd just been hit by a Mack Truck = ouch! I even decided to take a pain pill before bed… in fact that is pretty tempting right now… please hold.

Ah, give it 15 min and I'll be feeling better again, thank you vicodin. I think it's the combination of chemo and having not done that in so long that my body rejected all the movement. Up the ladder, down the ladder, bending over, standing up, reaching up, reaching down, painting small spaces, painting large spaces, moving the ladder and doing it all over again and again and again. My body is screaming at me now, but I can take it because I got to do something I love. When I woke up this morning I was excited to get to the room to finish it up. When I put my feet on the ground to get out of bed I realized just how much I was hurting but decided to "ignore" it and get going. Ben was staring at me and I felt like he was my little cheerleader helping me get my morning routine started. I always look at my phone in the morning to see what's going on… emails, facebook, texts, calls, calendar etc. This morning when I turned it on a reminder came up for chemo tomorrow. Ugh. It's like my whole body just drops a little at the thought of it. Here I am doing something I love and trying not to think about all the crap and "bam!" - a reminder. There's always something in every day that reminds me that I have this burden that is cancer. And I suppose that's a good thing. I know I overdo it anyway, if I didn't have the reminder that my body needs to take it slow I think I would push through too much, too hard. So, I had my reminder this morning on my phone…

Let's talk about chemo… I'm two weeks into the new treatment plan (taxol only - previously know as a small treatment - once a week for three weeks, then one week off and repeat). So far it's a lot more tolerable than the "big, small, small" treatment I was doing before. I still get the normal chemo effects they just seem a little more subdued. I am generally tired - I find that getting up in the mornings has been my biggest struggle, I hurt sometimes and I'm nauseous from time to time… but overall it's manageable. We are planning to do this for four months and hope that we keep the beast at bay. I'm often asked if I would know or feel it if it wasn't working. That's a tough question. I've always felt or found it before when I've had recurrences and I'm assuming this would be the same. It's easy to become a hypochondriac after having not one but two recurrences, every headache, bump, bruise, and pain is at first an instant thought of another recurrence. I have to rationalize with myself and decide honestly if it is more than "just a headache". But the hope is that I don't feel it at all because we keep it where it is! 

I'm so glad I was able to tap into a creative outlet and my body let me do it! I've missed using the creative part of my brain. This has inspired me to kick off other projects. I have a few great ideas up my sleeve… um, yeah, I also have a few half baked projects around the house that I am finally ready to jump back into. (I know Roy will be happy to read that one!) I will keep you all posted… get excited! And if you have a kids room that needs a sweet mural, let me know… I'm ready to do it again! Finishing a room is bittersweet - I love seeing the final product but I am a little sad that I don't get to keep working on it tomorrow. I encourage everyone to tap into the something that you love - for me it's a new art project… it keeps the juices flowing and makes me smile!

Sending hugs & smiles,
Sarah