Life's Journey

Wow!  I can't believe how long it's been since my last post.  I've been staying busy with work, friends, and the occassional doctors appointments.  Things are going well overall.  I'm still in the healing phase of this journey.  It's not easy for me to "slow down" and allow myself to heal.  I want this to move faster, I want to get back to life full swing.  I've had the reality that it's all so valuable and not to take a minute for granted...  I want to get out and enjoy every moment...  not sit here and wait.  Ok, ok, I get it...  it's not forever and I have to listen to my body right now.  I'm working on it.

My bloodwork is still not in the normal ranges yet.  I have another follow up on that tomorrow - fingers crossed.  But I'm not feeling as zapped of energy all the time which I think is a good sign that I may be back into the normal range again.  (maybe that's just wishful thinking but I'm going with it)  Chemobrain still really sucks.  I find myself mid-sentance when....  BLANK!  Nothing!  Words just disappear.  It's super frustrating, but hopefully it will phase out soon.  I had a full exam with my radiologist last week.  He said he still sees quite a bit of healing happening.  Things are all moving in the right direction but he wants to be sure the bulk of the healing is done before we do the final PET Scan.  The scan will highlight not only cancer cells but also those fast moving healing cells so he pushed that PET Scan out another week.  It's now scheduled for July 28th and the appointment with the results is set for August 4th....  sigh....  stomp...  pulls hair...  pouts!  I hate the unknown right now.  Everything up in the air right now, I feel like my life is just "on hold" and it's so frustrating!  I don't know if all this treatment worked?  I don't know if the cancer is still growing?  I don't know what's around the next corner?  What's the next chapter in my book?  I have no idea right now...  but I'm supposed to sit idly by and heal.  UGH!  Damn it!  Crap!  I'm frustrated with this answer and this phase of the journey! 

I have found work is a good distraction from it all.  I've thrown myself back in as much as I can right now.  I still find myself getting tired midway through the day but taking breaks away from the computer seem to help.  Next week I'm going on a business trip to Dallas about a big project my team is working on.  I'm actually more excited to see everyone than anything else.    And I know, I need to be honest and not overdo it on this trip. 

Roy and I drove to Farmington, New Mexico for the Fourth of July weekend.  We go there every year to spend time with Roy's Dad, Brother, Sister-in-law, Nieces and Nephews.  Farmington is a small town but they are CRAZY about Fourth of July fireworks.  I've never seen anything like it.  Ben went with us on the trip, he's not such a fan of the fireworks but loves all the attention he gets.  It was a good visit and good getaway for a few day.  I found myself pretty wiped out and sore when we got back - I may have over-done it just a little.  But, it made me face the fact that I am not back to normal yet, not at 100% and need to keep taking it slow.  I'm feeling better today.  And it was totally worth it to spend the time with family!  There's a picture from the trip in the photos section if you want to check it out.

It's quickly getting hotter here in the desert.  This weekend it was 117 degrees!  (glad we weren't here for that!)  But, we have found that our AC unit is having a hard time keeping up this year.  We knew this was coming, the AC has never been replaced and is too small for the house already.  It just has awful timing.  On top of the medical bills that are coming at me, we are facing the cost of a new AC unit for the house.  Sigh.  Oh well, I guess you do what you gotta do and find a way.  It will all be worth it to have a nice cool house to get out of the heat!

I guess that's all the updates right now...  I just wish this "waiting period" would hurry up already!  I want to turn the page and start a new chapter in my book.  This is definitely a lesson in patience. 

I'll keep everyone posted.  Hope you are all well!
Keep Smiling - Sarah