Life's Journey

I will not be missing you chemo - this is one goodbye I've been looking forward to!  Yesterday was my last chemo treatment - phew!  I'm so glad to have that part over with.  I'm not usually one for goodbye's - I'm more of a see ya later kinda girl - but this is one goodbye I did with a happy dance, a smile, and a good kick in the ass on the way out the door!  My numbers were still low yesterday but again good enough for them to give me the chemo.  She is giving me a break from the Neupogen this week - thank goodness!  Since I don't have chemo next week there isn't a push to get  my bloodcell counts back up quickly so we are going to monitor them and let them build up on their own.  We are going to check the numbers again on Thursday.  But this also means that I'm going to probably crash pretty hard in the next few days.  I'm preparing myself for that one.

I met with the radiologist today for our weekly check in.  Not much to report which is always shocking to them.  I think so many people going through this complain everyday about the side effects and I just refuse to let myself do that.  Yes, I feel like CRAP - Yes, it's ALL the time - but NO I'm not going to let it take me over.  I've asked about all my side effects to verify that they are normal and expected and for the most part they all have been (yea, skull pain was random - ugh).  So I've found ways to balance and deal with them.  What I realized today as I was talking to the doctor was that I have just found a new balance for my day to day - crappy=normal for me right now.  The constant nausea and churning of the tummy, the head pain, the exhaustion, the bone pain...  these are the everyday normal for me anymore and I've learned to just accept them.  I'm not going to complain about them all the time - that would make me miserable.  So, everyday I put on my big girl panties, suck it up, and deal with it!  But, I can tell from my doctors and nurses that apparently not many people have this same attitude.

We also discussed the remaining treatments.  It looks like there are a few more than I anticipated.  At least through next Friday and maybe even the following Monday "you can do this!" but it is what it is and we'll get'er done!   Just grateful to not have anymore chemo.  There's nothing fun about chemo Mondays!  I will not miss them at all!

On a lighter note...  Roy and I had a fantastic weekend at the Grand Canyon!  I posted some pictures on the photos page for everyone.  We got there early evening on Friday and it was super cold (thank goodness for sock monkey hat - see pictures)   We walked on the rim a little, settled into our room, went out to watch the sunset over the rim and headed off for a nice dinner together.  Saturday we got up early for the sunrise at 5:30a.  It's a spectacular sight to see the sun rise over the canyon.  It casts hues of gold, orange, and red across the rocks and the shadows are constantly dancing.  It's worth getting up at 5am in the freezing cold to see - and pictures do not do it justice.  After the sunrise we met up with our friend Kim and I sent them off to their hike in the canyon for the day.  I now had the day to myself at the rim of the Grand Canyon....  it turned out to be a perfect day.  The sun was shining and there was a cool breeze.  It didn't get too crowded until about noon so I felt like I had the canyon pretty much to myself until then.  I found a nice quiet bench where I spent most of the day reflecting and writing in my journal.  It was good to find some inner peace.  I can't think of a better place to stop, relax, and reflect on life than the Grand Canyon.  Later I met up with the rest of the crew.  The two wack-a-doo's that RAN (yup, RAN) rim-to-rim-to-rim that day left at 2:00a and beat Kim and Roy back!  14.5 hours for them to go I think 35 miles.  That's just nuts!  Love them, but whoa...  wack-a-doo!    We all got cleaned up and met to go to dinner.  Pizza and beer - I don't know how I did it, but I enjoyed every bite and every sip!  Totally worth the reprocussions later.    The next day the wack-a-doos were barely moving and slow to rise so Roy and I beat them to breakfast.  We relaxed for a little while then loaded the car to head home.  The weekend made me feel human again.  I walked more in those 3 days than I have in the past 2 months combined.  It felt good.  The sun was shining, the air was clean and crisp, and I found peace.

Sending you all a little peace and love today!

xoxo - Sarah