Life's Journey

"Don't just count your years,
make your years count."
-Ernest Meyers

Today is my birthday and I recieved an email that really hit home and it's a message that I wanted to share with all of you:
         
What matters most in life is often viewed as peripheral to the things that we usually focus on. Passion takes a backseat to production, wellness to working, and balance to busyness. The old adage that "life is not a dress rehearsal" is so true, and yet we act to the contrary by putting off what is truly important or indulging in things that are not. On your birthday, stop focusing on your age and start meditating on your life at this exact moment. How can you make it better? During the next year, reshuffle your priorities. Spend more time with family and friends, take care of your body and health by eating well and exercising regularly, and offer to help others in need. Discover what matters most to you, and make your daily life into a true reflection of those ideas, beliefs, and attitudes.
          
Ok, now that you've read it... read it again.  I couldn't have said it better myself. I've been reminded of how precious and valuable every day, every moment really is, this - right now - is a gift, don't take it for granted. Don't waste time with anger, hate, and negativity. Find your passion, do something you love every day, smile more, and make someone else smile each day.  Live your life to the fullest!

Every year I take full advantage of this day - I mean it is MY day after all.  And you only get one! This is the first year in my entire 36 years of life that I haven't been excited about my Big Big Day!  (that's what I affectionately named birthdays)  I was attempting to make the most of it by planning some fun celebrations and then I was put in the "bubble of solitude" and plans had to be cancelled.  That's when I officially threw in the towel this year.  There has been no talk of this day, no annual hype leading up to it, no excitement... just another day. I was actually kind of bummed... not because I'm a year older (that's never bothered me) but because I felt that it had been taken away from me this year.  But, this morning the most wonderful husband in the world surprised me with a beautiful gift, a birthday smile, and a lot of love... he made me one of my favorite breakfast meals before heading off to work. Since then my email and facebook page have been flooded with birthday wishes...  and it made me realize...  it is still MY day - my big, big day!  So SUCK IT CANCER! you can't take that away from me!  I'm here for my birthday this year and I'm going to enjoy it!  

So as I'm sure you can imagine the "bubble of solitude" has been quite lonely. Just me, Ben, and kitty all day. I've been finding ways to entertain myself but I'm too social to be "stuck" here without interaction - Ben and Kitty are not very talkative (but don't think I haven't tried) -  it's been a long week.  On the other hand, my stomach is settling.  It has gotten off the beast of a rollercoaster and downgraded to the kiddie coaster.  I was finally given the sancuso patch (ahhh) for nausea - what a godsend that is! Apparently the insurance company (aka "those bastards") make the doctors try the less effective drugs first (compazine, benedryl, and phenerol) before they can go to the sancuso patch (ahhhh - did you hear that? the angels sing everytime you say it). Ok, I totally get that in most cases, but when your dealing with chemoradiation lets be real - there's going to be severe nausea - give the patient the patch (ahhhh). Anyway, I have it now and am grateful. The catch to the low blood count is that I am exhausted - ok that's an understatement, is there another word that better describes a complete and utter lack of energy? I made banana nut muffins (from a box - I mean how hard is that) yesterday and I had to take a nap afterwards. So tired! Apparently my body just needed a shut down week. I'm allowing myself to rest.

My bloodwork was rechecked yesterday.  My numbers are up a little but still not in the safe zone. Sigh and apply more hand sanitizer. We are hopeful that they will be high enough by Monday to continue with chemo. I'm wondering if I am going to be starting over with the side effects as well since I took a week off?  It will be an interesting experiment of sorts. But, at least I've had the experience already and kind of know what to expect and how to manage it. (silver lining?) Today is the end of week 3 - woo hoo! - only 5 weeks to go.  Hopefully there won't be any more delays.
         

Love you all and thank you for all the birthday wishes!
xoxo - Sarah