Life's Journey

Every day this week I have pulled out my laptop, opened my site and attempted to start a new update.  As I would review what I had written I realized that I didn't even recognize myself.  Week 2 has been much more difficult than week 1.  The laundry list of side effects has grown this week and has presented new challenges. 

One of the toughest side effects for me is the fatigue.  I'm an active person that doesn't like to "just sit" for very long.  This has sucked all the energy right out of me.  Taking a shower requires a significant effort.  I continue to try to push myself a little but am careful not to cross the fine line of pushing too hard.  I've never been one to take naps, but now I take multiple naps in a day.  I honestly have lost track of the days (that's a scary feeling).  Before starting treatment Roy and I sat with Michelle (super nurse) and she taught us about the effects of treatment and how to manage them.  She gave us a package of information and a list of vitamins, supplements, and meds to pick up and have ready.  We did all the shopping and had to clear out a shelf in the kitchen just to store everything.  I quickly realized that I was not going to remember when to take what or why?  So, as is true to my over-organized self I created a daily tracker (yup, it's color coded - nausea meds are green, daily supplements are pink, etc... lol).  I am tracking every drug, supplement, vitamin, and meal that goes into my body.  This is also the only way I know what day it is! 

The next big side effect on the list is my stomach.  No worries, I won't share the gorey details   But, I will tell you that I have never had so many different stomach issues at one time before and....  it's awful!  There are so many side effects that I could go on and on but what's the point?  If this is what it takes to kick this cancer's ass than it's worth it in the end.  I know that right now this is the biggest challenge of my life, the hardest thing I've ever had to get through.  But, years from now I will look back and this will be a blip in time.  And it's only going to make me stronger in the end!

Not that anyone has ever tried to convince me otherwise, but I can tell you whole heartedly that there is nothing fun about cancer.  It has been difficult for me to find the silver lining here.  I can't figure out why this is happening in my world.  But, what I've learned is that sometimes the "why" doesn't matter, it is what it is and it's something that is here and has to be dealt with.  I've also discovered that the silver lining is what you make it.  There is a reason to smile every day.  There is something or someone that has brought a little sunshine into your life each day.  DON'T MISS OUT ON THAT!  Don't overlook the good things.  A smile has so much power and can make a bad day good if you let it! 

There have been so many angels out there that have touched my heart and brought a smile to my face.  Sometimes it's an email, a bright colored envelope in the mail, a flower, a package, a balloon, a prayer, a call or just a thought sent my way.  I can't tell you how much these angels have meant to me.  I am honestly overwhelmed by all the support and kindness.  Thank you just doesn't seem like enough.  I am grateful for each of you!

xoxo - Sarah