Life's Journey

What day is it? I've lost all sense of time, my days are running together, I'm having a hard time determining if its day or night. I sleep often and this is how my time has become jumbled. In and out of the hospital is all just a smear of time. I can't tell you how many days I was in the hospital this last time or how long I've been home for that matter. What I can tell you is that I've had some really close calls while in the hospital. There were times when the nurses had to pull me back to this reality. I was surrounded by "beings" or shadows and senses of a presence. Everything was very peaceful and positive energy, I was never afraid.

I'm not sure that I can say exactly what happened but I felt torn between two realities. I was talking to people that weren't really there. I was laughing with a presence that I cannot guarantee was really there. I would reach for things and I would interact with things that weren't really there. I still don't know what all this means but I feel like I'm being welcomed to another plane or reality.

For now I am at home enjoying my time with family. I have three bags attached to my pelvic area that I have to manage. Two of the bags are set up to fissures that opened up out of no where. So the bag is set up to catch any output from the wound. I have home health care nurses that come out on an as needed bases. Someone will be here tomorrow to change all my bags and set ups. I stress a lot about the bag leaking Or the wax not sticking and everything oozing everywhere.

I'm not sure how to continue this blog post. I feel that I need to be completely honest here but this is not something I ever thought I would have to write about. I am dying. I don't think I can say I have months at this point the end feels very near. I don't know how to begin to say goodbye. There are so many of you out there that all mean so much to me. My dearest of friends who have seen me in the best of times and the worst of times I love you all very much, Each of you have done so much to help and support me and more than anything you've given me hope and friendship,

I can't begin to thank each of you for all of your support and love through the past few years. This has been a difficult journey and I cant imagine getting through it without all of you by my side. You have helped me find strength and hope when I was at my lowest. There's no way for me to truly thank you and tell you how much you mean to me, I do not feel afraid. I feel sad to say goodbye and am finding it incredibly hard to let go of that, But, I know that I must in order to move on to the next reality that is waiting for me,

Sending hugs and smiles

Sarah