Life's Journey

Surgery went as good as could be expected considering my circumstances. The doctors knew this was going to be a tough one for a lot of reasons. All the surgeries I've had done to my abdomen have caused a lot of scar tissue and adhesions to form - this is not what a surgeon wants to deal with. Also the fact that the cancer is just running amuck in my pelvis area is another unknown that surgeons are not fans of - these and some other factors meant that I had a lot of risks just going into surgery. Dr. Kim is a rockstar and was able to get in and perform the entire surgery laproscopically! This is really helping with my post surgery pain and my healing time. I have 3 - 1 inch incisions rather than one big 10 inch one.

They ended up performing what's called a Loop Colostomy. This means he didn't have to cut out pieces of the bowels, my intestines are all in tact (for the most part). I'll try to explain this but it's a little difficult and kinda gross so if you don't want the deets on how this stuff works than skip this entire paragraph. They cut a hole on the left side of my abdomen area - it's just to the left and slightly above the belly button. This is the hole for the stoma. The stoma is the nubbin of intestines that now sit on the outside of my body and create a new "exit" point for stool. Once they had the hole in place they went in and pulled the intestines up and exposed a part of them creating the stoma. So the intestines from my stomach to this new stoma are untouched and should work normally. Food will process through here and come out the stoma into my colostomy bag. There is still intestines/bowels intact that continue from the stoma down to the rectum. So I really have two exit points now. But, everything will be coming out the stoma they tell me because this is a faster exit point. He said I may have some "stuff" pass through the "old fashioned" way but that wouldn't happen often. An Ostomy Nurse came yesterday and spent some time with me teaching me how to take care of the stoma and bag maintenance. I was pleased to find that this wasn't as daunting as I made it out to be in my head. I mean, it's not awesome, but it's better than expected. When she first took off the bag and I saw the stoma I had to catch my breath. It's pretty gruesome and even though I knew, from doing some research, what it would look like it's a shocker to see this thing on your belly. So I asked for a minute to just absorb that and let it become real for me before we went on. Once I got past that shock I was good to go. The colostomy bag is held on by a "wafer" which is attached to my skin with this special wax stuff. It's really pretty cool when you think about it all and how they came up with all this stuff. Anyway, the bag then kinda snaps into place on the wafer and that's it, all set. The wafer needs to be changed out twice a week and the bag is on an as needed basis.

I'm not sure how much sense any of that made or that I fully explained it all but that was the "in a nutshell" version of my colostomy. I have not passed any stool yet but I have had quite a bit of gas. (ok, frankly it's really weird to sit here and type all about my poopin and gas status especially since I know you all will be out there reading this but I'm doing it because it's what this surgery was all about and I always said this is the place I would be totally open and honest, so here I am… writing about my poop bag - sigh) It's funny because the gas is literally startling - lol - I don't "feel" it coming like you normally would and I have absolutely no control over it (there's no more squeezing the gas back to avoid farting) - the farts just happen. Whoa, was that gas? Is a common reaction at this point. And they come out of the stoma on my belly with a vengeance! It's a super weird feeling but it's also super surprising and has made me jump a couple of times. They are certainly not quiet either. Not sure how I'll deal with this once I'm out of the hospital but I'll figure something out. Maybe when it's under clothes and stuff it won't be so "loud" (maybe that's wishful thinking). They are mailing me 30 days of supplies to the house and the nurse told me the bags I will have at home will have a little charcoal filter at the top where the gas air can escape but it won't smell. So that's kinda nice, my farts don't stink it up anymore - lol - silver lining? LMAO hee hee sometimes I crack myself up (BTW, I am on a lot of pain meds right now so if my writing is all over the place that's why).

I'm feeling WAY better than I expected I would. I think that because this was laparoscopic surgery and because they didn't actually cut out parts of the bowels the pain is much easier to handle and the healing is going to go much faster. I honestly feel better right now than I did 3 days ago! So, for me this means the surgery was successful! As I mentioned I am on a lot of pain meds right now just to manage it. Last night I got a few hours of just good deep sleep which was nice except it meant I didn't "push the button" for my pain meds for those few hours. Holy cow that made a huge difference, I definitely felt the pain when I woke up. My nurse was awesome enough and gave me an extra boost of pain meds and I'm starting to get back on track. I got up and pee'd (which btw is happening normally no issues) and decided to walk around the nurses station a few times to stretch it out. I know from all my surgeries how super important that is! Always always always get up and start walking as soon as possible and don't stop. I try to take my little walks at least 4-5 times a day. This makes a HUGE difference in the recovery. So, while I certainly don't feel like a million bucks I am feeling way better than anticipated. The morphine button is still my best friend but I am trying to wean myself off.

One of my doctors just came in to check up on me. He talked me through more of the surgery process, issues, and concerns. One of the issues was that the bowels were so distended already that when they attempted to pull them up to create the stoma it kept wanting to "go back in". So they used catheter tubing to tie around it to make sure it stays out of the body and doesn't get sucked back in. Ok, how freakin creepy is that! It could get "sucked back in"! What! Ew! And ouch! And… well… EW! But he said the catheter tube tie "should" hold it in place I just need to keep an eye on it. I have not yet passed stool so that is a bit of a concern. They would like to get things moving along. So he said he is ordering me LOTS of laxatives and softeners. When I hear this I cringe a little because I instantly am reminded of all the times I've spend on the toilet curled over with cramping and pain trying trying trying to go. I would take all the laxatives and softeners I could and most of the time nothing would happen. So this time I'm hoping we have better results. Well, we know I won't be curled up in the bathroom at least Fingers crossed that things start moving normally and that it's not painful.

This is my second day post op, they are still not sure when I'll be going home but it could be as early as tomorrow if all goes well. It looks like I will be home for christmas! For that I am grateful. But, I've been thinking about the people that will be here for the holiday. I know how much I was dreading it just because it seems kind of sad to sit in a hospital room rather than sitting around the christmas tree with family and friends. I feel for the ones that will be stuck here for the holiday, the hospital isn't decorated at all which is really surprising. I thought they would at least have some of the holiday spirit through the hallways and waiting areas but there isn't a candy cane in sight. Maybe this is their effort to be "politically correct" but I think it sucks! I'm going to talk to them here to see if I can come back on Christmas with bags of crossword puzzle books, candy canes, cookies, lotions, chapstick, and other goodies that you "want" in the hospital and pass them around the various areas. Bring a little holiday cheer to the rooms even if it is for "just a minute". I don't know if I'll be feeling up to it and someone may hafta push me around in wheelchair. I don't even know that I can pull this idea off with such short notice, but I'm certainly going to try. I know this type of thing would've made my day a little brighter if I was stuck here, so I'll see what I can do. It's going to be a quiet holiday for us this year, just me, Roy, my mom, and Dean. Probably exactly what I need.

Lots of stuff is up in the air right now. Not sure when I'll be going home. Not sure when my bowels will start moving again. Not sure when the pain will stop. But, what I do know for sure is that I am here for another day and I am blessed to be surrounded by such an amazing support group. I've received so many heart touching emails and cards from so many of you. I've had phone calls and texts. I can feel smiles being sent from all around me. Thank you all so much for all you support and love…. I am so lucky to have you in my life.

Sending hugs and smiles

Sarah