Life's Journey

Today was our first day in Turkey. I'll be honest I was a little nervous about visiting Turkey. In my head I pictured it as a very poor and dangerous environment. I was surprised and pleased to find that I was totally off base with my thinking. It was a great day. We had booked a private guide and driver again today. He came recommended from a friend and I am so glad we found him, he was fantastic. He was waiting for us at the port when we arrived. I haven't gotten tired of seeing a guy holding a sign with my name on it.

Our journey began with a drive along the Aegean Coast, it took about an hour to get to our first destination, the Temple of Artemis. This was a cool spot, there is not much left of it but it is one of the 7 wonders of the ancient world. From here we were able to see many other ruins off in the distance including Basilica of St John and the 14th century Isa Bey Mosque. I was glad to have Denizhan with us to educate us on the history of this area. We drove a little further up the road to enter Ephesus. The city consisted of 600 acres and over 200,000 people lived here in ancient times. They are still uncovering more about this area - this is an archeologists dream I would guess. I think they said they have only uncovered something like 20% of the entire area.

We were able to walk along the marble roads, you could see the grooves in the road made from the chariots. Some areas have been rebuilt from the archeologists findings. We saw a variety of old retail buildings and homes. We were able to walk through a Roman bath that was fairly intact, it was crazy to think that they had running water and a sewage system. Further down the road we saw a statue of Artemis and a carving of the goddess of Nike. The details in the carvings and mosaics were amazing, these would be hard to do with today's technologies and tools, I can't imagine how they created these back then. The next structure we saw was the library - I think this was one of the most impressive. It was all made of marble and had huge columns in the front that were intricately carved. This was the largest structure in the city (except for the stadium). Only the men were allowed to enter the library, the women were not to be educated, they were meant to raise the family and take care of the home. Across from the library was a brick type building that they thing was the brothel due to some of the carvings in the stones. Also they found a tunnel leading from the library to this building. The thought is that this was a way for the men to get to the brothel without their wives finding out because women were not allowed in the library. Tricky! Men were sneaky bastards even back then!

Further into the city we found the theatre was still fairly well intact. You could walk through the seating area - this was capable of holding 25,000 people. We were even able to walk through the tunnel that the gladiators came through, we could see where they kept the lions and other animals. It was crazy to think about what had occurred in tis very spot, there is so much history here. We also learned that The Virgin Mary reputedly spent her last days at nearby Mt. Pagus which you can see in the distance.

We left the ancient city of Ephesus back toward Izmir where our ship was at port. We stopped at a rug making studio. I'm wouldn’t consider myself a "rug person", I have carpet in most of my house and when passing a rug store I never really understood the desire. As of today I have changed my mind. This was an amazing stop for me and one of my favorites of the entire trip so far. We were able to see how they spin a mile of silk from the silk worms cocoon to use for their rugs. We met a woman who is considered an expert at rug making and after watching her for a few minutes I was able to understand why. She knotted and cut and knotted and cut and knotted and cut faster than I was able to see. She slowed down just to show us the knotting technique she was using. In this example she was using a wool blend thread for the rug so it was large. They let me sit next to her and tie one of the knots. This was very cool and just made me have more respect for the artist that she truly is. Years can go into making one rug! She then showed us a piece she is working on using the silk threads. Holy cow this is crazy detailed! Because the thread is so much thinner you can do soo much more with detail but the lines are so small they are barely visible so keeping track of where you are in your pattern looks nearly impossible. After this they took us into their showroom. WOW all I could say is WOW. These rugs are beautiful! They pulled out more than two dozen different rugs made from a variety of materials in every shape and size. He taught us the difference between a well made rug and a poorly made rug. He also taught us how to tell the difference in the materials used. The silk rugs appear to change in color when viewing them from different sides. They were beautiful. I will never pass by a handmade rug again without stopping to admire it. We even ended up purchasing a small rug that we will have framed and hang in our home.

From here we went to another popular artistry in Turkey, a ceramics studio. They make a huge amount of white clay pottery and paint them with great detail. They use bright colors and textured paints to create beautiful works of art. We were able to watch them create the pottery on the wheel and then see an artist at work painting in great detail. Then, of course, we were taken into a huge studio of finished pottery available fore sale. Yup, couldn't pass that up so we picked up a few items for the house.

I think our treasures we purchased today will always be extremely special to us. Having seen how they were made and all the time that goes into them gives you a whole new respect for these forms of art.

We arrived back on the ship in time for a yummy lunch then headed to the room to shower. Ah, nap time! Later we will have dinner at the main dining room and watch a show in the theatre We may even pay a visit to the casino to see if the luck is still with us. We will be traveling through a very narrow straight around 10pm tonight, we are hoping to be able to see it from our balcony. We've definitely seen some beautiful sunrises and sunsets already.

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah

Well it's been quite a week… We got home from our amazing adventure on Monday Night. Tuesday I had chemo and Roy was back to work. Wednesday we spent the day in the Emergency Room. Yup, another day in the ER. Here's what happened…

Wednesday I woke up and wasn’t feeling great but just had chemo so its par for the course. But, I noticed that my eyesight was really blurry. I assumed it was just morning sleep in my eye and wondered if I was maybe getting pink eye again. I went to the bathroom and washed my face and got distracted with our morning routine. I sent Roy off to work, let Ben out and settled into the recliner with my cup of coffee. My eye was really bugging me, still super blurry. I went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and kinda freaked out. My right eye was totally dilated. My left eye was fine but my right looked like an alien eye. I immediately called supernurse Michele. She had never heard of this being a side effect of chemo so she called Dr. B. She called me back right away and told me to go to the ER. She said they need to run a CT scan of my head to make sure there are no new lesions. What!?!?! CRAP!!!! I called Roy and he came home right away to take me to the hospital. He was just as shocked when he saw my eyes…. Its bizarre. So off we went and I tried to keep myself calm until we figure out what is really happening.

We got to the ER and it was thankfully pretty quiet. Michele had called ahead to let them know I was coming in so they had my history already. They checked me in and got me a bed. Let me tell you, nothing happens fast in the ER. The Dr came in to talk to me and said he wanted to order a CT of my head but wanted to talk to my oncologist first to ensure there was nothing special we needed to do. He asked me and Roy a lot of questions and mentioned that he was concerned that I may have had a stroke - but I wasn’t showing any other signs of this happening. Finally 2 hours later I got the scan done. And we waited… and waited… and waited… for results. An hour or so later the dr came in and said he wasn’t seeing anything of concern on the scans but wanted to wait for the radiologists report which should be back in the next 10 minutes or so. We were relieved to hear that there weren't blaring signs of lesions or tumors in my head. Phew. But, what was causing my eye to dilate? It had now been about 4 hours and my eye was actually starting to get better on its own. But, still wasn’t right and we needed to figure out why this happened. 10 minutes turned into over an hour and he finally came in and said "we don’t know what caused this". Great! So helpful! 5 hours in the ER and they don’t know what is wrong with me. Seriously I am one anomaly after another. Since my eye seemed to be getting back to normal on its own they sent me home and told me to follow up with my eye doctor.

So… there was relief in finding that there is nothing growing in my head, but worry in not figuring out why this happened. I spoke to Michele and she said the eye doc was the next best step. I scheduled an appointment with my eye doctor for the next day.

The next morning my eye was still a little dilated, but nothing like the day before. And my eye sight seemed fine. Roy decided to work from home this day just in case something bizarre happened again. I went to see the eye doc in the morning. I explained what happened. He ran some tests and found that my sight is good, my eyes were responsive to all his tests. He said "we have to assume this is a reaction to one of the drugs you were given on Tuesday with chemo". Ugh. I hate that response, basically we still don't know what happened or why. But, it is what it is. So, I was chatting with the eye doc just catching up and told him we just got back from this amazing trip and how hard it was to come back to this crummy reality… blah blah blah… Then he turned to me and asked if I was using a seasickness patch while on the cruise. Sure enough, I was using the patch that you stick behind your ear. I swapped ears every 3 days. It just happens that the last patch was on the right side - same side as the wonky eye. He explained that these patches have the same active ingredient that they use in the eye drops that dilate your eyes. He said some people will have this reaction but its very rare and it should happen when the patch is still on. But, we have to assume that something with the chemo reacted to the patch drugs which were obviously still in my system and caused this reaction.

So, 5 hours in the ER, CT scans of my head, concerns of a stroke, and it turns out it was all due to the stupid seasickness patch! Today my eye is still just slightly dilated, but not enough to have any impact on my sight. Its been quite the crazy week! Im just so grateful this happened after we got home, not while on vacation! Phew! But, this is it, abnormal is the new normal for me. This is my full time job - taking care of myself and all my abnormal anomalies. This is exhausting!

Hugs and smilesSarah

Today we woke up as we were pulling into Athens, Greece. The sun was just coming up and shining over the city. It was exciting to be pulling into a port in Greece. I was surprised by how large Athens is…. I don't even know how to compare it to anything in the states. We ordered breakfast in our room, it arrived right on time and was perfect way to start the day.

Because of our fancy pants suite we were able to meet with our concierge and disembark out the back door before everyone else. This is a super nice perk! No waiting in line, no herds of people, just a stroll through security out a side door.

We hired a private driver for the day. Everything in Athens is pretty far apart so I decided this was our best option. We don't do very well with organized excursions/bus tours. We like to beat the crowds and go at our own pace. We like the freedom to change the itinerary on the spot so private driver was perfect for us. And it was actually a little cheaper than an organized excursion through the ship. I found this driver through Tripadvisor. I highly recommend that you review trip advisor before traveling - it’s a fantastic resource for things to do, places to stay, and good food. Anyway. Our driver was waiting for us when we walked out at 7:30am. It's cool to see someone holding a sign with your name on it Demetrius was our driver and he was top notch. The car was comfortable, clean, and had AC. He was like a walking history book of Athens. He was able to tell us all about the history of each of our stops. He even had a book that showed then and now pictures of many of the ruins that we visited. For me, this was awesome… I was able to envision what used to be there. For example, one of our stops was the Temple of Zeus. He told us all about it's history and showed us that before it's destruction it consisted of 100 columns while now it only has 15 remaining. So cool to see.

I feel like this day went so fast - but we managed to see SO MUCH! We started at the acropolis (this way we could beat the tour buses and crowds). The drive to the site was beautiful. We went along the coast and saw the beautiful yachts and sailboats on one side and beautiful homes on the other side. We arrived at the Acropolis in time to beat the huge crowds (so nice). What an amazing site this is… it's awesome to think about all the history that happened here. When you think about how many thousands of years all of this was developed and that now there is still so much standing is amazing. We spent about an hour and a half here before moving on. Next stop was the Temple of Zeus then on to the Panathenian Stadium. Holy cow this is huge, it seats up to 66,000 people. They still use this stadium for concerts and sporting events including the special olympics. There is a lot of olympic history here. As we continued on we passed the glass statue of The Marathon Runner - this is really cool but nearly impossible to capture in pictures. Demetrius then took us up Mount St George which is the highest point in Athens and we were able to see panoramic views of all the sites throughout the city. Its amazing to see how they have developed a large city all around the huge historic sights. This view was unbeatable. Our next stop was the Parliament building. Here they have the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier which is guarded 24/7 by young soldiers that are hand selected for the job. We arrived just in time to watch the changing of the guards. This was a cool experience and something I will not soon forget. They go through a series of steps, marches, etc. Demetrius was able to tell us all the meaning and symbolism within each step and every garment that they were wearing. Let me tell you it was freakin hot there maybe 95 degrees with a ton of humidity. These soldiers stand in all the gear including a jacket, stockings, socks, and clog type shoes that have nails in the soles (its all part of the ritual of changing of the guards). I can't imagine how hot these kids get - they are only 18 years old btw.

Moving on… we drove past the Athenian Trilogy which consists of The Academy, The University, and The National Library. Next stop was Plaka (The Old City) where we enjoyed lunch and a little shopping through the markets. We also walked through Hellenic Agora which is another surviving ruin full of history. Our lunch was at a little local spot where we had real gyros. This did not settle well with Roy so we cut the rest of the tour day a little short and headed back to the ship. I was fine with this because I was exhausted at this point and felt that we had seen all the big must see sites in Athens.

We were greeted at the ship with water, juice, and a cool wet cloth to clean up a little before heading onto the ship. This is something I have to mention about NCL, they are very good at germ prevention. "washy washy" There are hand sanitizing stations everywhere and any time you go on or off the ship they squirt you with sanitizer. For a germaphone (that’s me now) this is awesome. We got to our room and got cleaned up before a few hours of rest. We are now sitting on our balcony watching the ship pull out of Pireaus (the port for Athens). Always go to the back of the ship when leaving a dock - its' beautiful. There is a nice sea breeze and the sun is setting, I have Jack Johnson playing in my ear and the sounds of the ocean as I type this.

This has already been an amazing adventure and its only just begun. I was excited about this trip but had no idea how amazing it was really going to be. I've been smiling the entire time. It's almost surreal. I don't think it's completely sunk in that we are really visiting all these wonders of the world. This is definitely the trip of a lifetime and I have all my angels out there to thank for it. Without you this never would have been possible. Roy and I are making memories that will last a lifetime. Every once in awhile I get a pang of sadness because I realize that this may very well be my last big trip. I look at Roy and I think about how happy I am and how much I love this man and how happy I am to make these amazing memories with him… when I realize that I don't have much time left with him. I think this part of everything hurts the most. I see the older couples on the ship enjoying growing old together and it hits me that I don't get to do this. So all I can do is make the very best out of every moment that I have with this man of my dreams and create memories that he will be able to carry with him when I am gone. This is one of those bittersweet moments I've talked about when crossing something off the bucket list. One day at a time isn't always easy to remember…. But I try and I know that I am so grateful for the gift of each day!

Hugs and smiles!

All our luggage made it to the ship (phew!). I was a little scared at the airport as I watched all the luggage go round the carousel. Everyone was picking up there bags and off to their destinations while I stood waiting and waiting and waiting… Roys bag arrived and I was still waiting. The crowd was clearing out and the luggage was coming much slower around the carousel. I was starting to worry… then… ta da! I was so happy to see that suitcase. Lol

We found the NCL transfer buses and hopped on… let the cruise experience begin! We were taken straight to a VIP Priority area because we booked one of the two owners suites on board. We were like celebrities! There was a huge line/mass of people waiting to check in and get on board. The wereent ready to let people on the ship yet so we waiting in the VIP lounge area. We were given a variety of finger foods and drinks while we waited. We met our VIP Concierge, Yahira, and the ship doctor, Dr. Ian made a stop just to meet me. I think Im never what people expect. I sent a letter to the ships medical staff letting them know my current health status and that I would be bringing a lot of medication on board, I explained that I would bring a history summary from my oncologist for the Dr on board in case something should happen. So when people know my diagnosis and history they expect to see a skin and bones hairless pale person because that is the typical image people get in their heads on a cancer patient. I do not fit that profile at all. I'm a little overweight now due to all the steroids, I still have my hair this time around (for the time being), and I am staying active so I don't have the pale dying look about me. I look like a norml healthy person, but am a very sick kid inside. Anyway, my point is that peoples reactions are always a little taken back when they first meet me and know my medical status.

We were taken on board about 20 min later. The suite holders were allowed on first -yet another nice perk. No waiting in lines with the masses. The ship is huge and beautiful. There are 1000 crew members on board and up to 2000 passengers. I'm happy to say that this doesn’t appear to be a booked ship. We were taken straight to the steak house for lunch. It was nice to sit down and get a real meal. Then off we went to find our room.

Holy cow! I've never seen a cabin as big as ours. We have a dining room, living room, bedroom with a king size bed, and two bathrooms. Yup, TWO! We also have a huge closet. Our balcony wraps around the back corner of the ship so we have 2 chairs, a table, and a lounger out here. I'm sitting out on tha balcony now watching the sunrise, listening to the water rush by, and enjoying the sea air. Talk about a room with a view - WOW! We decided to lay edown for a little while as we were both exhausted from our trip. We ended up taking a few hour nap to catch up. Not what we were expecting to do but apparently what we needed to do.

The ship remained docked in Venice for the day while everyone came on board. We were schedule to leave at 1:00am. This meant we had the day to explore Venice. We've been to Venice together before (but this is the only destination on this entire trip that either of us have been to) so we werent in a mad rush to get out and explore it. Venice is beautiful and a great experience, but it's a small island with a LOT of hustle and bustle among the crowds of people. It's perdominantly full of shops and restuaruants with some beautiful churches scattered throughout the canals. It was about 4:00 when we finally headed to the water taxi.

Venice, as always, is beautiful. It is such a great experience to see San Marco Square and the Grand Canal. We walked through one of the old churches that was decorated with gold tiles throughout. We went off to do some more exploring and realized we forgot to bring a map! Whomp whomp! I literally have 3 maps of Venice and didn't think to bring any of them - go figure. But thankfully Venice is small enough and we'd been here before so we were able to wander on our own to find many of the sites. We were still pretty tired from traveling all day and the 9 hour time difference. There was a ton of walking in Venice and I could tell I was hitting a wall. We stopped for some gelato and sat in San Marco Square while we ate. What a great place to people watch. Europe is such a melting pot of cultures and people that the interactions and mannerisms and facinating. We decided it was time to head back to the ship after a few hours in Venice.

We came back to the room and finished unpacking and settling in… and down we went for another quick nap. Later we met our personal butler, Mary Jane. Yeah ironic that her name is Mary Jane huh? Lol. She is super nice and I told her we were definitely going to take advantage of her during this trip.

We had dinner in one of the main dining rooms called Windows. As you can imagine this is a large dining room with crystal chandaleirs and a full wall of windows that face the back of the ship. We were seated by the window to enjoy the view. We were able to watch the sunset and a storm roll in. The sky was lie a light show of lightening, it was beautiful. Dinner was good (not great). We both got the surf and turf special and just enjoyed the setting and our first night of relaxation!

We knew we had two days at sea coming up so we weren't in a huge rush to see the boat but we took some time to wander and begin to familiarize ourselfs. That night in the Starlight Theatre they put on a Welcome Aboard show. It was a little preview of each of the shoes that were scheduled during our trip. Another perk of the owners suite is that we have an entire balcony to ourselves. No need to arrive early to get a good seat, no standing in lines or herds of people. We got there just after it started walked in and sat at one of the best seats in the house! Nice! After seeing the show we were a little skeptical of the shows to come… not a great preview.

We found that we were still pretty exhausted so off to bed we went. I think we were both asleep before our heads hit the pillow. It was very comfortable. Then we were both startled and woke up thinking there was a huge earthquake. The entire room was shaking and it sounded like the world was exploding. Nope, just the ship backing out of the dock. While we knew it was coming we were not expecting that! Zonce I realized what was happening I went right back to sleep.

The next day was a full day at sea. We were up wayyyyy too early, Roy was up at 4am and I was up by 6. No breakfast til 8… what to do? So we wandered the ship a little more, this was the perfect time because there were hardly any people around. This ship has some great amenities: a spa, fitness center, golf range, pools, hot tubs, water slides, ping pong, game rooms, library, casino, nightclubs, restaurants, theater, art gallery, and more. They provide a list of activities the night before and we planned out the entire day. First up was breakfast at the steakhouse. This is another perk of the suites, we are able to enjoy a great breakfast menu in the steakhouse vs the buffet or main dining rooms. It was delicious and a great way to start the day.

We had massages at 10. The spa is very nice with full locker rooms, sauna and steam rooms. The massage was just what we both needed to start our relaxation. In fact we became almost two relaxed. When we got back to the room we crashed for a two hour nap. Roy was not ready to get up after this nap but he made a good effort. We headed out to the art auction. This is such a cool experience. They have thousands of pieces of art on the ship. The auction went on for about 2 hours. We ended up buying something to take home Roy didn’t make it through the entire auction - he was beat - so he went back to the room for awhile and met me later at the international beer tasting. We quickly found that this was laughable. The "International Beers" included: Fosters, Blue Moon, Miller Lite, Gorsch, and Kiran. What a disappointment. We both love trying new beers but these were definitely not new. Fail! So off we went. More wandering on the ship, enjoying the views. Then it was time for Bingo! I feel like a cruise ship is the only time I would ever play bingo. But it's so much fun to play. I was 2 spots away from winning $3000 - so close! Roy is not a bingo fan so he found other ways to occupy his time, including the safety breifing that one of us was required to attend. We met up later in the room and decided where to go for dinner. We ended up at the italian restaurant. I'm not sure why they insist on feeding you a ridiculous mount of food on cruise ships but it never fails. The menu was about 5 courses - I got two and barely scratched the surface of either of them. I can't eat enough to really enjoy the food troughs they bring you with each course. There is nothing "light" on the menu. But the food was pretty good here. I wasn’t feelig great, really nauseaus and a lot of pain. So after inner we came back to the room so I could pop some pills and settle a little. Our room comes with three big bottles of booze (whiskey, rum, and vodka were our choices) along with unlimited bottled water, sparkling water, and sodas. So, rather than buying drinks for a ridiculous price we just fill up in the room and take our drinks with us to dinner and the shows.

We headed to the art gallery to sign off on the art that we purchased. So excited to have something from this trip that we will be able to look at often. It is beautiful art and we will always be reminded of our trip. After this we went to the casino to check it out. Surprisingly not much was happening. Roy left me here while he went back to the room to refill drinks and grab the camera (we decided to take pics of our new art). So I threw $20 into a video poker while I waited. I hadn't played much I was only $10 in when… BAM!!!!! ROYAL FLUSH BABY!!!!! My very first!!!! Of all the times Ive played this game Ive never ever had a royal flush. I was crazy excited but there was no one there to share it with!!!!!! Nuts! I just won $1000!!!! Woot woot! I quickly cashed out my winnings. Roy wasn't back yet so I threw another $20 in another machiene. When he got back I acted all calm and colleected and said hey I won… and he said how much? I freaked out and said Royal Flush Bitches $1000!!!!! Lol! We rolled in glory for a few minutes and decided to head out of the casino winners. Basically this paid for our new art and I still came out ahead. Awesome.

We walked along the docks for awhile before deciding to go to tonight;s show "The Tenors of Rock". Yup, it was pretty much as lame as it sounded. LOL But fun to do. After the show we explored the ship to see what the happenings were and we found a nightclub dance party woot woot! It was seventies night which in my opinion is some of the most fun music to dance to.

The second day at sea was pretty chill. We slept in a little and enjoyed a yummy breakfast at Cagney's Steakhouse. I talked Roy into joining me for Bingo today. Not a great idea, he really didn't enjoy it. But, I had fun just passing the time with a game. There really isn't much to report about this day, we just wandered and relaxed. We ended up taking another 3 hour nap! This night was the "Big Night Out" (aka dress up night). It's not very often that Roy and I get super dressed up, we are talking sparkly dress and suit and tie kinda dressy. So, it was nice to get fancied up for a night. Because we are in the owners suite we were invited to a cocktail hour with the captain before dinner. It was in the art gallery so we were able to see the new art they put out and enjoy appetizers and drinks. Later that evening we had dinner at the teppanyaki restaurant. This is one of my ffavorite food groups - Japanese. The chef was entertaining and the food was, well, not great but good. I think I'm so used to our US version of Teppanyaki that this seemed so different, but it was good and we had a great night. After dinner we went to the casino for awhile. I was not as lucky the second time around but was able to play for about an hour and walk away $20 down (not bad). Roy on the other hand hit four aces and came out ahead. I still cant get over the royal flush I hit the night before

We decided to go to the evening show in the theatre. It was all broadway hits. All I'm sayin is that it saddened me a little because if people in the audience haven't been to a real broadway show before this was not a good example of what to expect. I guess I’m a little spoiled and have literally grown up in the theatre atmosphere and I love it! A trip to NYC is not complete without the theatre in my opinion. While they weren't fantastic I did enjoy hearing some of my fav shows. After this we hit the nightclub for a drink before heading to bed. Another great day!

Hugs and Smiles,
Sarah

We are home from our Great Adventure - a 12 day cruise through the Mediterranean. We loved every minute of it and neither of us were ready to leave paradise to come back to our reality. But it was time to come home. Roy went back to work today to catch up on the past two weeks that we've been away. I had my second round of Doxil chemo treatment today. Talking about reality.. We were thrown right back into it. At least we have fantastic memories of this great adventure that will keep us relaxed. I have been writing blog posts each day of our great adventure. Usually at the end of the day when we are back in our cabin resting I spent time writing. So as you can imagine, there are a lot of posts ready and waiting. I decided to post one a day for the next 2 weeks. So come back to the site often to hear all about it. This post was written on the plane headed to Venice… Enjoy!

Our great adventure has begun! We are currently in the air leaving Frankfurt Germany and headed to Venice Italy. Its been a long hard day of travel. We got up early in hopes that this would help us sleep on the planes and catch up to the 9 hour time difference. This worked for me, but not so much for Roy. He was enamored with the free On Demand movies and live GPS of our flight. I admit it was pretty cool but I needed to sleep. I probably got 3-4 hours total. That should keep me going for a while. But I must admit that I am super sore and tired. Because of the time difference my meds are off track, I predict it's going to take a few days to get everything regulated again. Roy is finally sleeping now on this short flight. It's definitely going to be a long day.

We haven't had any issues yet, knock on wood. Anyone that has traveled with me knows that I will do anything to avoid checking my luggage, but a 2 week vacation requires a bigger suitcase. Sigh. Of course Im already stressed about it not making it to Venice. I mean can you imagine going on a two week cruise without any clothes? Fingers crossed.

We left Phoenix at 7:00am on Monday and get to Venice at 9:30am on Tuesday. For sure that is going to screw with us. But, at least we have time to explore Venice and eat some yummy food This is the one spot on this entire adventure that we've already seen. But, one cannot pass the opportunity to wander the streets and canals of Venice! We arranged transfer from airport to ship through the cruise line. This is the only thing we booked through them - it just seemed easier. We will check into our room, freshen up, and then off to explore Venice. I'm super excited… more to come…

Sending Hugs & Smiles

Sarah

I have some exciting news to share about our next great adventure! But first, let's talk about poop! (c'mon you laughed at that one)

Really - poop! This is a natural bodily function that you totally take for granted until you can't do it! Holy hell! It's been an awful 10 days! It started when I noticed that I wasn't going. Yup, I now keep track of all that stuff. By day 4 I was getting concerned. Let me explain that I'm taking a lot of various pain meds - these all cause constipation. I'm also on a new chemo, Doxil, which, you, you guessed it, causes constipation. The odds were against me here. So I started taking more miralax and doculace (laxatives) to try to help. I mentioned that we have a big adventure coming up which I'll tll you about later but this meant I had a timeline I had to get things moving before this trip! On day 6 my tummy was distended, swollen, and painful and still no movement. Seriously, this is not fun at all! I started loading up on more laxatives: milk of magnesium, magnesium citrate, miralax, suppositories, and dulcolax. Finally on day 10 I decided to deal with the pain and stop the pain meds to see if that would get the appropriate muscles doing what they do again. While I was in a great deal of pain - and I do mean GREAT - I finally got things moving. Ok, let me set the scene for you. I slept til 10:30 which all of you who know me well know that this is WAY out of character for me. I sat on the toilet, in my pjs, with my hair in sleep mode, til my legs feel asleep - literally. I cried in pain and broke out into multiple sweats. (btw - this is super funny now but not so funny at the time) Then I realized when I stood up that my legs were both dead asleep and walking was nearly impossible… so, I went straight back to bed. Slept for a couple hours and repeated the process. I also threw down some more laxatives at this point because while things were starting to move it was not pleasant. Back to bed again. Phew this was a repeat process all day. And, here comes the super gross (yet funny) part - I lost 1.9 lbs that day! EW! SO GROSS! As you can imagine the talk of the house was all about poop! I've never discussed poop as much as I have this past week - with my family, my doctors, my nurses, my husband, my dog it's just inappropriate how much conversation happened around my poop! My nurse is now calling me "poopy pants" (although I am proud to say I did not, I repeat, did not, poop my pants!). LMAO. Needless to say it's been a rough few days. Please do not take your poop for granted.

One more thing before I get to our adventure - let's talk about disability. I'm officially on my leave of absence from work at this point and on disability. There are so many people that I wasn't able to reach out to before leaving and I feel bad about that. I've been at CBRE for 13 years and have many dear friends there, it was impossible to reach out to everyone - that's what started this blog years ago. It's been hard for me to not work. I worked hard to get to my position at CBRE and I was a professional for so many years it was so hard to walk away. I miss it every day. This is one of those things that you think would be awesome - no more working, time to just focus on me and the things I love - but the reality is that I enjoyed my job and I miss it. I have no real responsibility now except my health. I must admit that my health is a full time job at this point. Between the meds, the doctor appointments, lab work, managing side effects, treatments, and just feeling crummy I don't have time for much else. So, to all my co-workers, friends, and peers I thank you. Each of you have had an impact in my life and I appreciate you. I have received some very kind emails from some of you telling stories of how I have impacted your life and I treasure these emails they mean so much. It is nice to know that I've helped so many of you out there. I guess I just want you all to know that you have done the same for me!

Ok, on to the adventure. When we received the scan results that things were not looking good and I was entering into super scary chemo, Roy and I decided to take a closer look at what's left on the bucket list. We picked the Mediterranean cruise as our next adventure! I wiped out the bucket list fund for this one - totally worth it. So I again must give a huge THANK YOU to everyone that contributed to the fund: http://www.gofundme.com/1ikg9g?utm_campaign=Emails&utm_source=sendgrid.com&utm_medium=email I've been picking away at it on each of my bucket list adventures and this one for sure cleaned out the funds.

We are leaving next Monday! It was kind of a last minute deal and booking. I talked to Dr. B about it when we were discussing treatment plans and he emphatically said "we need to make this happen for you!". I'm so lucky to have such an amazing medical team that have taken the time to get to know me and to care. So we made it happen and booked it! We are SO EXCITED! Here's where we are going:

Day 1 - Venice

Day 2 - Leave Venice, at sea

Day 3 - At sea

Day 4 - Athens, Greece

Day 5 - Ephesus, Turkey

Day 6 - Istanbul, Turkey

Day 7 - Mykonos, Greece

Day 8 - At sea

Day 9 - Naples, Italy

Day 10 - Rome, Italy

Day 11 - Florence/Pisa, Italy

Day 12 - Provence, France

Day 13 - Barcelona, Spain

I mean, it doesn't get better than this! This is for sure a bucket list trip! We are spending an extra night in Barcelona so we can enjoy the sights. I also decided that based on how crappy I've been feeling to take advantage of the bucket list funds and go first class. I worked a deal with the cruise line and upgraded to the Owner's Suite. What?!?!? Yup! I went for it. I decided to treat myself and honestly there are some big benefits that will really help me out on this trip. Things like full menu room service - so after a long day exploring Rome I'm going to be totally exhausted and know that I will not want to get dressed for dinner, with this room we have a full menu and can eat in our room (or on our balcony) and it's all included. The room also comes with unlimited bottled water, sparkling water, and sodas - this will be huge for me. There are many other benefits but I feel like I'll save that for my posts after the trip :).

Since we will be traveling internationally I will be out of contact for the next few weeks. So, I’m signing off for now, but be sure to check back to hear all about our amazing adventure!

Again, thank you thank you thank you all! Without you, your help, your contributions, and your support none of this could have happened. I can't begin to tell you how appreciative I am!

Sending hugs and smiles

Sarah

It's been a long week of tough decisions… I can't believe it's Monday already. Thought it was time to fill everyone in… here are the decisions that have been made…

Last week I had my appointment with Dr Gordon (experimental doc) and we discussed a potential clinical trial. The catch is that this is a brand spankin new trial so they have no idea what to expect. Unfortunately, I need to really get some results fast from treatment. We need to shrink what has grown and try to keep it there… now! So, his suggestion was the combination treatment - start with something more standard that will hopefully give us quick results and let this trial get a little off the ground. Once they get the trial up and running they will have some idea of how it will work and if it might work for me.

Then I had the MUGA scan - this is the heart test. In my meeting with Dr. Borst on Wednesday I found out that my heart is good - I passed the scan. Whew - something came back in "normal" ranges. My meeting with Dr. Borst went well. He explained that Doxil (which is the super scary chemo) is my best option at this point. He and Michele tried to convince me that many patients "take the Doxil pretty well" and "get results". Ok, they got me at "get results". That's what matters most - results! The rest of it is up to me and how I handle the side effects of this super scary crappy chemo. Michele, Roy and I talked through the side effects. They all sound very familiar - nausea, hair loss, etc… it's pretty much the same side effects, just possibly intesified. And there are a few extras like hand foot disease and blisters from sun exposure… I mean, lets be honest, these are pretty big ones. I'm supposed to watch for redness, swelling, irritation, blisters on my hands and feet oh and I need to stay out of the sun 2 days before and 3 days after getting this treatment. Whoa - that's part of the "scary" of this one. But, in the end, if I get results who cares about the rest of this crap?

We decided to move forward with the Doxil. I'm starting it, gulp, tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to it, but hopefully the first one won't be too bad. Fingers crossed! Mom is going to pick me up in the morning and spend the day with me in treatment. We are going to go ahead and do the super pain shot on Wednesday because there's a strong chance my counts will drop. So this is going to be a rough couple of weeks. But, I have put on my big girl panties and I'm going to deal with it. What I realized last week is something that has been drilled into me throughout this process… I can't control everything that's happening here - but what I can control is how I deal with it all. I know I've talked about this in many other postings, but I have to explain again. I do this because even though I'm "in it" and I'm "living it", I still find it's easy to forget this lesson, it's something I have to remind myself of so I thought I'd remind you all as well. It's so easy to lose sight of what's important when you are engulfed in emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, bitterness, etc. Whether its work, friends, loved ones, spouses, kids, school, or just life in general that is causing this emotional upheaval I beg you to step back breathe and remember - you can't control everything, but what you can control is your reaction. And let me tell you, your reaction will make all the difference. You get to choose if you want to let these things continue to eat away at you or step back, breathe, recognize the problem, and find a solution. Ya know what, there are some things, like my current situation, that you can't find a solution for… but what I can do is choose to keep searching. I choose to fight. I choose to enjoy all the good things. I choose to let the little good things make a big difference in my world. I choose to smile and be happy. I choose to try not to let the day to day frustrations (like traffic, or the slow check out girl at the grocery store, or the person that stops in the middle of a walkway, or the bad weather, or whatever it is) get me down. There are way too many ways to divert these things or to make the best of them. Choose to do that instead. Find the silver lining, look for the good - or even better - BE THE GOOD! Remember that your choices, your decisions, are the things you CAN control. I cannot stress enough what a life changer this can be. And, believe me, I'm no where near perfect at this - which is probably why I have to keep reminding myself of this lesson, but I try damn hard! I recognize that it's not always sunshine and rainbows, sometimes you need to feel sad and cry or be angry and shout, but the point is to not allow these times to overwhelm you. Enjoy life, don't waste it.

Ok, stepping off my soapbox :). I made some tough decisions last week and now it's time to see them through. But, Roy and I decided we would take the weekend and runaway from it all. We couldn’t have done this without the help of some angels. We just got back from Calistoga Wine Country in California. It was the perfect escape. We left on Friday and met our friends at the airport - these angels set up our flights, hotel, dinner, and let us use their car for the weekend. We had a fantastic dinner on the water and spent the first night at our friends house. The next day we enjoyed breakfast together before heading out to the wine country. We visited several wineries this trip: V.Sattui was our first stop and favorite of the trip, the next fav was Castello Di Amorosa, then Vermeil, Markham, Duckhorn, Frank Family, and Trinchero. We also had some great food. A local recommended Auberge Du Soliel for lunch and it was perfect. It sits up on Rutherford Hill and has amazing views of Napa Valley. Then, thanks to our angels, we had a great dinner in Calistoga at Brannans. We enjoyed many new wines, great food, and more than anything we enjoyed being together, relaxing and just escaping our reality for a few days. My dad lives in the Bay Area so I called him and he met us for lunch at the Culinary Institute on Sunday. We had a nice visit, I don't get to see him very often so I was glad he made the drive out for the afternoon. Later that day Roy and I treated ourselves to a massage. I'm a little limited on how much of a massage I can get because of all my kidney crap - and I have an amazing massage therapist that I see fairly regularly so it's not often that I treat myself outside of that - but this weekend called for it and we both had drool stains and pillow face when we left. It was a great weekend and I am forever grateful to my friends/angels for doing this for us - the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

Coming back to reality was tough, but it is what it is and it's time to fight. Hopefully this treatment has the results we are looking for without too many of the tough side effects. I will arm myself with vitamins, juicing, healthy foods, and all the precautions I need to take to prevent some of the side effects. I will continue to fight as hard and as long as I can. I have decided that while this situation sucks, I will choose to face it head on. I decided that I will be grateful for today. I decided that I am lucky to have all of you here holding my hand. I have decided that I will not take any of this for granted.

Sending hugs and smiles.

I wish I could continue to write about new adventures, fantastic trips, and bucket list experiences… but unfortunately I can't. Today's post is difficult to write and challenging to understand. I've always been honest and direct about my situation in my blog posts. I have test results and more tests to talk about… so, I'm going to dive right in… grab a kleenex and cozy in for this one…

It appears as though the "lighter chemo" (Taxol weekly for three weeks and one week off) we've been doing hasn't been working enough (damn it!). My PET scan results came back and show disease progression. The cancer has grown and spread throughout my pelvis area. There is "nodularity" along my left side, it crosses midline to the right side. Two masses are noted: a 2.9cm mass on my right side that is pressing against the ureter causing the blockage; the other mass is 2.6cm and is sitting somewhere on my left pelvic sidewall. There is some additional involvement around the sigmoid colon. In other words, the bitch is back with a vengeance.

My options are fairly limited at this point but the good news is that they are not exhausted…. This means I still have options (glass half full). Here's the nutshell version of potential treatments:

• Surgery - not an option - the disease is too widespread and the area is a hot mess that surgeons don't want to touch
• Radiation - not an option - we have already treated this same general area with radiation so we cannot do it again to the same area
• Standard Chemo Treatments (Taxol, carboplatin, cisplatin, etc.) - not the best option - these are the drugs I have already taken and either my body couldn't tolerate it anymore or it wasn't working and the cancer continued to grow
• Clinical Trials - possible option - I had an appointment with Dr Gordon today to discuss possible clinical trials. There is one that I may qualify for that is just getting started. They took blood to run some labs to see if I can begin the qualification process.
• New Super Strong and Super Scary Chemo - this is an option - I have an appointment on Wednesday to talk to Dr Borst about a new chemo agent called Doxil. They are required to run tests on my heart before we can consider this treatment. This drug has a history of causing heart failure so we need to make sure my body can take it.
• Combination Treatment - the best option may be to start with the new super strong chemo while the trial gets ramped up and then switch to the clinical trial in a few months.

What does all this mean? I'm not completely sure yet, Wednesday's appointment will answer a lot of questions. I knew this was coming and it still hit me like a sledge hammer to the face. There's no real way to prepare yourself for something like this. Frankly it sucks! The emotions run a little wild after learning that through all this fighting, the cancer is winning. I'm sad, angry, and scared all at once. But, I'm going to pull it together, educate myself on my options, and make the decision that is best for me.

This also made it clear that it is time for me to go on a Medical Leave of Absence from work. I'll be going on Disability starting later this week. This was one of the most difficult "final" steps for me to take. I have a job that I really enjoy. I work with some fantastic people, many of which I am lucky to call a friend as well. It's going to be difficult to not be a "professional" anymore. I worked hard to get to my job, I felt as though I earned it and I was good at it. That's hard to walk away from… but at least I can walk away with my head held high. I'm proud of the work I did.

How am I feeling? Completely drained… I am literally exhausted all the time. I fall asleep in the recliner, on the couch, in the car… all the time, just tired. I think this is a caused by a combination of things and hopefully I can improve on this over time. I hurt. There is a great deal of pain in my pelvis and abdomen. I'm taking pain meds that are pretty strong and cause part of my exhaustion. I'm never hungry. Roy has to remind that it's time to eat and I make myself eat meals with him. I've lost 14 lbs in the past month - I'm eating, just not as much. So far, all of this is manageable - not awesome, just bearable.

What happens next? Tomorrow I'm scheduled for a MUGA scan (a heart health check) - this is the test required before starting the Doxil treatment. I'm at a point where I have to qualify for treatments going forward. During my appointment on Wednesday we should be able to review these test results and come to a decision on next step and treatment plan.

I'm so glad that I've been able to experience so many of my bucket list items. We have a trip from an angel planned for Roy and I to just getaway and relax for a few days. So we are running away from it all this weekend and just relaxing together. There are so many things left that we hope to be able to do in some way. This will be a topic of conversation with Dr. B on Wednesday. I need to understand what's realistic now. We will just have to take it one day at a time. But, I remain hopeful that we are able to cross a few more things off the list.

As always, I will continue to keep everyone updated via this blog site. I am so grateful to have all of you there reading this and in your own way, somehow you are cheering me on, holding my hand, or providing a hug. I am so appreciative. Please know that I wish I could talk to each of you about this but I just can't, it's truly too difficult. I think I just need a few days to come to grips with this new reality in my life.

Stay tuned… I will post again when I know more.

Hugs and smiles,

Sarah

I had a fantastic bucket list weekend with friends! I must admit that I am now completely exhausted and dreading facing the reality of everything to come these next few weeks but I have some great memories from the weekend to keep my spirits high.

The flight to DC was probably good for me - it kept me sitting and rested for 4.5hrs. Although I realized as I was boarding the plane that I was basically ripping away my safety net by traveling so far from all my doctors. I texted Michele (aka supernurse, aka other mom) and told her just that, she quickly replied and said "nope, I'm right here anytime". I'm so lucky to have such fantastic support. I met a few people on the plane that were heading home and had tickets to the Dave Matthews concert as well. They told me he has always given his best performances at this venue because it's "home" for him. I was already excited for the show and this just upped the stakes. At this point I was so glad I took the leap and decided to go ahead with this trip. My friend picked me up and the airport and we went straight to dinner. She made reservations at a great little french bistro in a super hip part of town. We had a great time just catching up and enjoying dinner. The next day we met another friend for brunch and then the adventure began. A couple of other friends picked us up and we caravanned out to Manassas to our hotel. We decided to stay near the concert venue so we didn't have to worry about anyone driving. I took a nap and the girls went to a local bar to get ready for the show. We caught a cab - scratch that we kind of stole a cab - to get to the venue. There were a bunch of people waiting for cabs to get to the venue outside the hotel. We attempted to call a cab ourselves but at this point that was kind of a lost cause. A cab pulled up and asked for "Kim", no one claimed it so my friend (whose name by the way is not Kim) jumped up and said "That's me, I'm Kim" and jumped in the back of the cab refusing to get out. While the rest of us laughed, none of us wanted to "steal" this cab which apparently belonged to someone else. Finally we realized "Kim" was not going to exit the cab so we all jumped in and off we went. On the ride I told everyone they had to give one random act of kindness at some point during the night to get our karma back in balance. Apparently that worked because I met a few random angels that night… more to come.

Our seats were awesome and thankfully under cover (aka, not in the lawn) because it stormed that night. And when I say "stormed" what I really mean is downpour! It was awesome, for me at least. The set list was incredible. He kicked it off with one of my favorites - Ants Marching. (For those of you who don't know this song, I've included the lyrics at the end of this post - it will make my next sentence make more sense for you.) Not only was this a great way to kick off the night, but the lyrics hit close to home for me. Here I was with 2 of my bestest friends, at an awesome Dave Matthews Band concert, in the rain, checking this off my bucket list, having the time of my life, and I started crying. It was a good cry not a bad one. It all just… hit me! All at once. I am so grateful to my friends for making this happen for me and we always share so many laughs and make amazing memories together - these lyrics just brought it all home. And I realized just how bittersweet it is to check these things off my bucket list. I get so excited planning these bucket list experiences, I anticipate their arrival, I have something to actually look forward to in the chaos that is my life now, and I'm so happy in the moment… but I recognize the reality of it all. The bucket list is representative of the things I want to do before I die… and checking them off is almost a little crushing at the same time. As I near the end of the list I wonder, "what next?". Sometimes it just makes it all too real and too close.

Ok, so back to the night of awesomeness. We were standing out in a beer line and I have to say that I love Dave fans. They are some of the best people on earth - I've never met a mean spirited Dave fan. So, in true form, I was making new friends in line. There was one group in particular that I really connected with and my friends were quick to tell people that this was a bucket list trip so of course this is a topic of conversation. I'm not one to beat around the bush so I talk openly about my situation. One guy honed in and said "how would you like to sit in the second row?" I mean, really? No one says no to that. Although I must admit that my mom's voice was in the back of my head saying "be safe", "don't make bad decisions", "don't go with strangers". But as I looked at this fairly small man with a green t-shirt that had a shadow of a leprechaun drinking beers and then puking rainbows into his pot of gold I thought "this guy can't be all that bad". I was right. I told him the section and row we were sitting in and after about 3 songs here comes my little leprechaun friend to take me to the second row. No joke, the SECOND ROW! It was so awesome! I stayed there with the group of Dave fans for awhile before leaving to go back and dance with my friends. It's amazing the good I have found in strangers/angels out there. Thank you my leprechaun angel for enhancing my amazing bucket list experience!

On the way out of the concert it was a complete downpour. Thankfully we had $1 ponchos on that really helped keep us somewhat dry. We got to the cab line and there was little to no organization in place, it was kind of a mad house line of over 100 people waiting for cabs. It was a long wait in the rain and no where to sit. I saw a couple of cops off to the side on quads and went over, told them my story and asked if I could sit on the back of the quad while we wait. They were kind enough to oblige. After awhile though it was just too much. And, I must add, I was very well behaved and only had 2 beers all night while my friends enjoyed many more One of my friends went to the front of the cab line, told people my story and asked if they would let me hop in their cab to be dropped off at my hotel. After some coaxing they agreed - although they didn't seem to pleased about the idea - I have fantastic friends that pushed me in the cab. They remained behind in the rainy cab line. I'm so grateful for this happening. I was at my limit for sure. My legs were shaking, the pain was pretty bad, and I was exhausted. I got to the room showered and climbed into bed right when they got home. While I enjoyed dancing in the rain that night, they were not as happy to stand in it. LOL It was a little rocky for everyone there at the end, but nothing could spoil the fun of the night.

The rest of the weekend I spent with my friend and her family. She has an amazing little girl that I was so happy to get to know better. Hopefully I can get them all out to the desert for a visit some day. It was a great weekend and one that I will never forget. I will hold it in my heart always. Thank you angels for making this possible.

Now that I'm back to reality I'm doing ok. I'm tired. I hurt. And I still have this stent in my kidney/bladder. But, this is my life now, so I deal with it. I had a follow up with the urologist today and we scheduled a procedure for mid-october to replace the stent. All looks good for now. But we all know this is a temporary solution, we need to figure out what is pressing against the ureter. So, I have a PET scan scheduled for Thursday which will hopefully give us some answers. I'll keep everyone posted. For now, I live in the moment. Enjoy the now!

Hugs and Smiles!

Ants Marching Lyrics

He wakes up in the morning

Does his teeth bite to eat and he's rolling

Never changes a thing

The week ends the week begins

She thinks, we look at each other

Wondering what the other is thinking

But we never say a thing

These crimes between us grow deeper

Goes to visit his mommy

She feeds him well his concerns

He forgets them

And remembers being small

Playing under the table and dreaming

Take these chances

Place them in a box until a quieter time

Lights down, you up and die

Driving in on this highway

All these cars and upon the sidewalk

People in every direction

No words exchanged

No time to exchange

And all the little ants are marching

Red and black antennas waving

They all do it the same

They all do it the same way

Candyman tempting the thoughts of a

Sweet tooth tortured by the weight loss

Program cutting the corners

Loose end, loose end, cut, cut

On the fence, could not to offend

Cut, cut, cut, cut

Take these chances

Place them in a box until a quieter time

Lights down, you up and die

It's Tuesday and I'm still in the hospital… It's been a long six days here. I've been on quite the pain med cocktail since arriving. Having a tube through your kidney and out your back is quite painful so the doctors have been pretty generous with the pain meds. It's tough to determine if the pain is from the kidney issue or just from cancer in general. But, either way the meds are working.

In the last post I mentioned that we were waiting for the urine color to clear up before we could remove the tube and bag. Last night the urologists said it was "clear enough" to go ahead and take next steps. So, this morning they clamped off the tube - this means the urine has to go down to the bladder, there's no other way out. The goal is the make sure that I can 'pee like a person' I drank a ton of water and sure enough I was a person again! I've never been so excited to pee! I did a little happy dance, gave nurses high fives, and celebrated. But, it really hurt. I talked to the docs and they confirmed that this is my "new normal" and I will get used to it. It was also very red which apparently is ok for a while. I'll be honest, it doesn't seem or feel ok, but I'll go with it for now. Next step was to go to the IR Team - this is the group that put the tube and stent in using radiology procedure. It took a few hours before they had an opening but I was then wheeled onto their floor. First they pushed contrast through the tube into my kidney and forced contrast down the stent into my bladder while taking xray images. This would confirm that the stent was working properly. Ok, this did not feel awesome. The kidney is not meant to have fluids forced through it. But, the good news is - IT WORKED! YAY! This meant we could remove the tube - woot woot! I was all prepared to go into twilight sedation again but to my surprise the process is hang on tight while we rip the tube out. Yup, that happened. This was not something I enjoyed at all, but I've been through worse so "git er done". While it hurt coming out, it feels so good to have it out. No more pee bag!

There's no real limitations with having the stent in place, I can eat and drink normally and activity is fine. But, I will need to have it replaced every 3 months. We also discussed that this is not a permanent solution - we still need to figure out what is pushing on the ureter that caused the blockage that started this week's chain of events. Dr. Borst wants to perform a PET Scan next week which will help us better understand what's happening. If it is inconclusive we will talk about a possible biopsy of some tissues to check for disease. Right now it's one day at a time. First goal is healing from everything that happened this week. We are putting chemo on hold for the time being and will determine treatment protocol after the PET Scan. This week has been rough, painful, scary… but I've been strong, fought hard, and worked hard to keep my head on straight and get through it. The hard part is only just beginning. This is where I have to wait for the PET Scan. Now I have to wonder what's really going on in my abdomen and pelvis that's causing these issues. Has the disease spread yet again? Will stronger chemo help again? Is this just the beginning of a long line of issues that are going to happen? I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm angry. And I hate waiting…. So I turn to my bucket list for distractions.

A few months ago I received a call from a friend in DC telling me that Dave Matthews was going to be playing in concert in Virginia not far from her. She knows this is on my bucket list. She bought tickets and I booked my flights. The concert is this weekend. When all this started with my kidney I got the pang of disappointment at the thought that I probably wasn't going to be able to go. When I met with my docs on Monday I told them the story, explained that it's on my bucket list, that it's been booked for months, and that I've been looking forward to it. I also made it clear that I didn't want to risk my health or rush any treatments but I had to ask if it was possible if I could go. Dr. Borst has been my oncologist since the beginning, he has helped me through the past 5 years, he knows me well and understands my situation better than anyone. He said that he will do everything he can to get me to that concert. He said it would be good for me to do something fun like this and he wanted me to go. Today he gave me a write up summary of my medical history and told me to keep it on me just in case something should happen although he does not foresee any issues. He told me to have a good time and he would see me next week. I shortened my trip a little and made it a long weekend. I leave this Friday. I know it's super close after all of this and maybe a little crazy. But, here's the thing… I'm doing all this treatment and medical interventions because I want to live. So I am not going to waste any time. I am going to live! I will rest at home until it's time to go… I will take it easy on the trip… but I am so excited to see my friends and go to this concert… to just have fun for a few days…. To live!

Hugs and Smiles!