Life's Journey

I'm going to start this post by telling you that I am ok - so please keep that in mind as you read on. I am back in the hospital. Apparently one of my ureters is blocked. The ureter is the tube that urine passes through to get from the kidney to the bladder. So, this is not good. But, the fix may be fairly simple. Here's what happened….

I've been having a lot of pain in my pelvis and lower back over the past few weeks. I have found myself relying on Percocet's quite often which is out of character for me - I tend to avoid pain meds as much as I can. I have also been crazy tired - more than the usual chemo tired. I figured the chemo and pain meds were giving me the fatigue. Still having bad headaches. I've totally lost my appetite. And Thursday I randomly started vomiting. I had an appointment with Michele to talk about changing up my meds. She thought maybe this would help with a lot if not all of these symptoms. Roy wanted to go with me for this appointment and talk about what we do now. When she saw me she realized that something really wasn't right. I was really pale and had tears in my eyes - this is not like me at all. She decided to do bloodwork and an exam. Nothing crazy showed up from either so she requested a CT scan stat. Luckily I hadn't eaten all day because I was vomiting so we were able to go right in for the scan.

Because the scan was ordered "stat" they asked us to stay until the images were reviewed to ensure we didn't need any additional. They came out about 30 minutes later and told us we could go and that we would be hearing from the doctor in the next hour or so. That struck both of us as a little odd. Normally they say the doctor will call once they review the results. So we kinda knew something was coming. We had just gotten on the road when Michele called and said she wanted me to go straight to the emergency room because one of my kidneys was blocked. She explained that the CT images showed the right ureter was completely blocked preventing urine from moving from the kidney to the bladder. This is a big problem. Roy went straight to Good Samaritan Hospital Emergency Room.

They checked me in right away and started running bloodwork and vitals. No one could understand how I was still peeing normally with this problem, but somehow I was. Apparently my left kidney (the one not in trouble) is a superstar and took over all the work while the right side was out of order. Because of all my medical chaos history no one really knew what to do with me. The ER docs decided they were going to check me into the hospital and have me see urology in the morning to determine next steps. But this way I was in a safe environment in case anything happened. So I settled into a bed, got some good drugs to help with the pain and nausea and called it a night.

The next morning a parade of doctors came through to see me. I truly am an anomaly so everyone wants to see what happens next. Lol They explained that the full CT report had not come in yet so we were still waiting on this very important piece of the puzzle. They talked about doing an ultrasound to get another view of the area and calling in urology. I spent most of the day waiting to see what was going to happen. Roy and my mom kept me company throughout the day. More doctors in and out, nurses giving me pain and nausea meds, and sleeping off and on throughout the day. Finally a Urologist came in… slash that… finally someone from Urology came in. She is a Physician's Assistant in Urology and she begins to tell me that they will attempt to put a stint into the ureter to open in up and allow urine to pass from kidney to bladder. They don't feel confident that this will work so they will also be placing a nephrostomy tube. This is a tube they place through my back into the kidney and connects to a bag to collect urine. Basically it's a pee bag connected to my back. Sounds fun - huh? I asked how long this would need to be in place and she explained that it would strap to my leg and be a permanent solution. I'm not going to hide the fact that this is the point where in my head I completely freaked out!!!! I kept my cool on the outside and gathered my thoughts. I asked all the right questions… what are other options? None why won't the stent work? Because of the blockage Can a laproscopic surgery potentially resolve the issue? I don't think that's an option. These responses were not making me happy and I felt like this chick just didn't care and frankly wasn't that bright. I already had been researching on my iPad potential solutions and laproscopic surgery and a stent are both viable options - not a forever pee bag strapped to my leg. I explained to this underqualified Urology PA that I have terminal cancer and under no circumstances will I spend the rest of my days with a pee bag strapped to my leg. I could tell by her reaction that she had not done her homework, this was news to her. I don't even know that she was aware that I am a cancer patient at all. I was not pleased. SO she said she would reach out to the resident urologist and get back to me. If nothing else I hope I taught this PA to always at least skim the chart before talking to a patient. We are people not objects. Ok, this next part may be my favorite part of the story. Keep in mind I've been in a significant amount of pain and was told to go straight to the hospital to get it taken care of. This lovely PA comes back maybe 15 minutes later, says she spoke to the urologist and they are not going to do anything. Long pause of silence. Wait? What? Nothing? I looked around wondering if this makes sense to anyone? I asked what she meant and she said we will send you home and if you get more symptomatic then we will intervene. I asked what "more symptomatic" meant and she explained that most likely my kidney will blow out. Yup, you read it correctly…. Blow…. Out…. Sounds fun! NOT OK. I let her leave as I was now crazy confused and super frustrated. I talked to my mom and roy about it and none of us were believing what we just heard. I hated this answer so I went straight to Michele. I told her about this shocking conversation. Her reaction was just as dazed and confused as ours.

Once the dust settled from all of this Dr. Bhoola ordered a procedure to be done. Dr. Bhoola is filling in this week for Dr. Borst because he is out of town. I like Dr. Bhoola and trust his opinion. He said we are going to put the stent into the ureter and we will put in a temporary nephrostomy tube and bag. I made it very clear that this was temporary - I am not going to live with this bag more than a few days and he understood. Last night they did the procedure. It's not a very invasive process so they use twilight sedation - this is where you are partially awake but they give you stuff so you don't remember anything. I've had this type of sedation done a few times so I feel ok with it. The process is to go in through my back, using a needle and xray vision they guide the stent into the ureter. Then they insert a tube into the kidney that feeds out my back into a bag to drain the kidneys. Sounds pretty scary but only takes about an hour. I was pretty scared of this entire process. Before I knew it I was laying on the table in wonder woman pose unaware of what was happening. 

Next thing I knew I was back in my room with mom and Roy there to help me. All I knew was that I was hurting and it felt like I really had to pee. I tried to pee but nothing happened. Then my teeth started chattering and body was shaking. I think I was in tremendous pain and shock at the same time. They gave me lots of pain meds and I eventually fell asleep.

It is the next day (Saturday) at 8:30pm. There has been a lot of poking and proding, this and that happening to me today but nothing of real significance to report. I am still in alot of pain so getting some good pain meds from the nurses. I still often feel like I have to pee really bad but nothing happens. I'm getting "used to" peeing out of my back. LOL That's basically what happens via the tube in my back to the bag I carry around. The urine is still quite red so it will be there til it begins to run clear. Sigh. I feel like that may take some time. I'm staying at the hospital again tonight and we'll see what happens tomorrow. My parade of doctors will come in to see me in the morning and determine what the day will consist of. I'm such an anomaly they are never sure what to do with me. For now I have a room with a view of Camelback mountain at sunset. Still have to take time to enjoy the little things.

Sending hugs and smiles,

Sarah

We got back from an amazing week of adventures on Sunday July 7th. I can't believe it's already been a week… whoosh… time goes so fast. This past weekend we were in Hermosa beach for a quick getaway to celebrate dear friends birthdays - and get out of this crazy heat for awhile. In my last post (which was way too long ago) I said we were driving the Grand Circle in Utah, once we started on our journey I realized that it is actual called the Utah High Five… get it? Clever, eh? hee hee

We started at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. No matter how you see it, from the North, the South, a helicopter or a plane the Grand Canyon is amazing. But I will say it is a different experience at the North rim. It's quiet, less traffic up there and sheer cliffs. Beautiful. Then we drove into Utah and decided to go into Zion for sunset. We just missed the sunset but it was amazing to drive through the park. We stayed the night in Kanab just outside the park.

The next day we went back to Zion for some hiking. You have to park at the visitors center and take a shuttle through the park. This is a very popular park. We decided to stop at the Overview trail before going to the visitors center. This is a quick 1.5 mile round trip hike to a gorgeous overlook into the park. You can see the long windy road down into the canyon. We spent some time taking it all in then headed down the road in the jeep. We took the top off the jeep so we could really enjoy the drive. We took the shuttle to the lodge and walked to the Emerald Pools trail. It was a hot day so there wasn't much to see at the pools. We decided to follow the trail around to the Grotto bus stop about 1.5 miles ahead. From here we caught the shuttle to the Temple of Sinawa and walked the riverside hike to the Narrows. We stopped for a picnic on a rock along the way. The Narrows is the entry point to a huge trail of narrow canyons walking in the river. It's one of those things I would have loved to have done but realized my body wasn't going to let me. The walk back to the bus stop was tough. It was 114 degrees out and this was another 2 mile hike round trip. I may have pushed too hard. It was time to go. We saw a lot of Zion and had a great day. We set off to Bryce Canyon. The drive to Bryce started our journey on Scenic Byway 12 - wow! 'nuff said. I think we saw more beautiful sights while driving than while hiking this trip.

We checked into the hotel in Bryce and I crashed - nap time! I was up and ready to go in time for sunset at the canyon. Another beautiful sight. I don't know how to put words to the beauty and calm that comes with sunset and sunrise. It just makes me feel peaceful and in awe of this amazing world we live in. Bryce Canyon is full of hoodoos which are the tall rock formations that come up out of the canyon. It's a really cool site, like being on another planet. We went to all of the viewpoints and checked it all out before heading into town for dinner. We wanted to get away from the crazy touristy stuff so we decided to ask the hotel staff where to go. Roy and I both went to different people and found that they both told us the same spot so we decided to try it. Great choice, a little mom and pop restaurant just outside of town that was famous for their pies. We had a great time.

The next morning we were up before the sun and headed back to the canyon. We found a great spot to sit and watch the sunrise over Bryce Canyon… wow! Then, while it was still nice and cool, we set off on a hike into the canyon. We started down Queens Garden and connected to Navajo Loop making it a 3 mile loop hike. Within a few hundred feet we were deep into the canyon and seeing the hoodoos up close and personal… wow! The hike took us even further into the canyon, through an area of trees, and then through Wall Street. This is a narrow canyon with walls as high as you can see. It's awesome. The hike out of the canyon was switchbacks - holy moly! This was not easy but I knew I could do it… phew! I was so happy to see the top of the canyon! I felt really good about myself for keeping up and doing something I love. It made me feel alive! We had time to go back to the hotel for a shower and clean up before heading off to Capitol Reef. This was about a 2.5-3 hour drive along Byway 12. So pretty. We took a detour down a dirt road to slot canyon. We found a great spot for a picnic lunch. I packed lunch meat, fruit, bread, mustard, cookies, chips, drinks, etc. so we could pack lunches for picnics each day. This worked out perfect and saved us a lot of money.

We got to Capitol Reef just in time for… a nap! We were there pretty early and I was feeling sore and tired from our early morning hike so pain pill and nap were just what my body needed. Then it was off to the park to talk to a ranger at the visitors center. I wasn't able to find out too much about the park before we left for the trip. I don't think many people journey here. We, apparently, talked to the right ranger and learned that you pretty much had to have a 4 wheel drive to really see the park. Luckily we had the jeep, he was super excited to tell us some good places to go. We took off on the road to the Temple of the Sun and Temple of the Moon. This was a great back road drive through clay fields and desert to find the two huge rock structures that come out of nowhere. Wow! And as the sun was beginning to set the colors all changed, it was beautiful. We enjoyed the scenery and decided to head back to town for dinner. It was getting late and there was a steakhouse that got good reviews in town that Roy got me all excited about. We drove into town and everything looks dead, closed, no one around, it was weird. The steakhouse was closed - bummer. We found a little patio burger joint kinda place and they explained that the power went out in the entire town! Well that explained why it looked like a ghost town. Oh well, might as well take advantage so we drove back into the park to one of the viewpoints to watch the sunset. Wow! Then we went back to the hotel and made a picnic for dinner in our room while we waited for the power to come back on.

We finally slept in this morning… til 6:00a. LOL We loaded up and took the scenic drive in the park checking it all out. One hike I did read about and was looking forward to was the hike to Cassidy Arch. When we talked to the ranger the day before he said yes it was beautiful but it was a pretty strenuous hike. Ugh. Stomp. Sigh. My body was so sore and tired I know I couldn’t do this one. But, I didn't want Roy to miss it. So off we went. There was a viewpoint from the road to the trailhead where you can see the arch way up on a mountain. Roy said "I'll be up there in 45 minutes, be here and look for me". There were two trailheads - one up to the arch and the other through the grand wash. This was a pretty flat hike with beautiful views. I took my time and strolled up the hike a little ways before going back to the viewpoint to see Roy. The timing was impeccable, there he was. I was surprised to be able to see him. And there was so much of an echo through the canyon we could literally hear each other, it was really cool. He came down and told me all about the hike. It sounded amazing. As we drove out we stopped at the farmhouse and bought some jam made from the fruit grown at the orchards in the park. Then we were back on the road. Our next stop was Moab. Another beautiful drive on small windy roads through mountains, forests, along the colorado river, past ranches, and mountain climbing cows on the side of the road. We took a longer route with a more scenic view which was well worth the detour. We arrive in Moab checked into our hotel and headed into Arches National Park. Holy cow! This was way cooler than I thought it was going to be. It was a hot day, we'd been driving for awhile, I was pretty tired so no hikes for me. We took the scenic drive, stopped at the viewpoints to see things like Park Avenue and the Balancing Rock. We took so many photos none of which can truly capture the beauty of this amazing place. We ended up going into the Windows area and taking a super short hike to the Double Arch. Wow! Just standing under these huge arches was amazing. Just… wow! We went on to see the famous Delicate Arch - this is the one on the license plates. It's pretty cool. Crazy to see this big arch just standing in the middle of a flat sandstone area. We decided to head back to town for dinner at Eddie McStiffs. I mean how can you pass up eating at a place called Eddie McStiffs? They make a killer burger! Great pick.

Once again we were up before the sun… but just barely . We really wanted to get into Arches to catch sunrise. So we raced up into the park and just made it… wow! It was a beautiful morning. After sunrise we followed the road back to town and went to the Jailhouse Café for a fantastic breakfast. Then it was back on the road again and headed to Canyonlands. I couldn't find anything about this park before we left but the girl at the hotel told me it was totally worth the drive and so many people just miss it because it's off the main road. Off we went, another great adventure. This park was worth the time. We drove through some of the scenic drives to see the Needles, Elephant Rock and other sights. We took a back road drive and a short 1.5 mile hike before heading back out to the main road. We were on our way to Farmington New Mexico to spend the 4th of July with the Family. This was another pretty drive through small farm towns, 2 lane roads through the hills and mountains. But this day of driving was quite a bit longer.

We arrived in Farmington at Roy's dad's house before everyone else. Just enough time for… a nap. I was relieved to be able to fit so many naps into this trip. The rest of the family arrived and we had a great visit. The nieces and nephews, my brother in law and his wife, roy and I all stayed at his dad's house. It was crowded but really fun. We watched fireworks, had a cook out, went to the bounce house and just enjoyed spending time together.

It was a whirlwind of a trip but one that neither of us will ever forget. I highly recommend seeing this part of the country if you ever get the opportunity. We drove about 2000 miles and spent 40 hours in the car… but I must admit it was so beautiful it didn't feel that long. This was a "wow" adventure that I'm so glad I got to share with my amazing husband. I'm a lucky girl! Life is good!

Hugs and Smiles!

I haven't posted in a while - I guess there just hasn't been much to report. I've been spending the past couple weeks trying to catch up with myself. I had so many back to back long weekend trips that I just crashed - hard! Last week was Week 1 of the third three week cycle and the first week always seems to hit me pretty hard. Today was chemo Week 2. This is day 221 of treatments this time around. That's a lot of treatment. My doctors and nurses are amazed that I am still up and about doing all these amazing things - honestly I am too. I think I just want so badly to keep up a "normal" existence during all this and it pushes me to keep going. There are things I want to do, places I want to go, people I want to see - I'm not ready to give in to all this yet! But, I must be honest with myself, it's definitely taking a toll on me….

I've been getting pretty bad headaches over the past month or two. They linger and they are tough. I've tried a lot of over the counter headache meds and nothing has touched it. We ran an MRI on my head just to be sure this was nothing more than headaches. The MRI showed no legions or masses - dodged a bullet on that one. But, it doesn't explain why these headaches keep coming. I guess we just chock it up to chemo. So I'm armed with every pain med known to man now. The problem is that the pain meds really knock me out so I try not to take them. But the weeks with bone/skull pain on top of rippin headaches I succumbed to the pain meds a few times. They help and they make me rest at the same time. Tomorrow I have to get one of the bone pain shots because I'm taking next week as a break. Roy and I are headed out on a road trip for the 4th of July week - more on that later. But, because of this I need to take a week off and we will be pretty much in the middle of nowhere so they said this shot is a must-do. Ugh, sigh, stomp! I don't wanna! I get it, I know, sometimes you have to do things you don't wanna do so I will, as usual, suck it up and deal with it!

There are lots of other side effects that have been hitting me over the past few weeks. There is some new pain in my lower abdomen/pelvis region. I really hate the pain part. Not only does it just suck, I mean no one wants pain all the time and you just can't get away from it. But, also, the only thing I can do to help it is the pain meds and muscle relaxers - at this point I just refuse to live on these meds. So, I deal with it and take a pill every now and then when I hafta. I didn't realize how painful this was going to get, and I'm guessing this is just the beginning. This is one of those things that I cannot control (frustrating but fact). Just taking it one day at a time. What else? I'm tired. All the time. I find that little things will wipe me out lately. I'm more nauseas - but there are good pills for that and they really help without too many side effects of their own thankfully.

Let me also tell you again that chemo brain is real. I've talked a little about this before but now I'm finding that it's progressive so I notice it more and more. It's strange how it works too. I find that while I am working I seem to be pretty good. Every once in a while I lose my train of thought but can generally get back on track quickly. Let’s be honest even before chemo brain I'm fairly easily distracted - wait, what is that? Shiny object? I notice it more while doing everyday things. In the beginning I would find myself going into a room and not remembering why I was there. But now I will need to get a notebook out of my office and find myself in the kitchen opening the silverware drawer and questioning what I'm looking for. If I stand there long enough and really focus it comes back and I realize what's happened. So weird. I hope this is as bad as it gets. I'm a pretty smart chick, I don't like not being able to control this one. And, there's nothing out there to help with this fun side effect. The medical world is just starting to acknowledge that this is a real thing. I bought "brain games" for my iPad and books of brain puzzles and stuff to try to keep it working. Pretty soon I'll just start wandering aimlessly around the house. But, I'll be damn good at word puzzles and finding patterns in numbers. Oh crap - I'll be Rain Man! LOL!

These are all just the realities of having metastatic cancer. Not awesome, but it is what it is. I can bitch about it or I can suck it up, accept it, and live my life. I think you all know by now that I choose the latter!

So, I'm living my life the way I want to now. Our trip next week is going to be amazing! We are driving up to the North Rim of the Grand Canyon to start and then heading up to Utah. We are doing what they call the Grand Circle - seeing the 5 big parks in southern Utah. We start with Zion, then Bryce. From Bryce we are taking Byway 12 which is labeled the "Most Scenic Drive in the US" to Capitol Reef. Then over to Arches and Canyonlands. Phew, it's going to be a lot of amazing scenery in 4 days! I have it plotted out - per my usual OCD we have a color coded map and itinerary. I found small hikes we can do at each location and lots of scenic drives. We will leave Utah on the 3rd and drive to Farmington New Mexico to spend the 4th and weekend with Roy's family. His dad lives there and brother and sister in law are driving in with the nieces and we will get to see the nephews too! I'm excited to see everyone and spend a few days together. It's going to be a taxing week so I am going to "try" to pace myself. I think this will be a reality smack of my true limitations on this trip. I'm so used to being able to get out and go, go, go! I have to be realistic this time around and that's not easy for me. I had a little heart to heart with my super nurse Michele today at treatment. While she is proud of me for getting out and doing these things she gave me a little reminder of the realities of my world now. I have to be careful, I have to listen to my body and learn to respect my limitations. I'm sure I will post along the way and let you all know how it's going. It's an exciting trip!

The realities are not rainbows and unicorns. Just the other day I caught myself saying "I just want to feel good for one day". I hate that I’m in that place but sometimes it all builds up and it happens. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I'm blue, sometimes I just want to go to never never land and hide among the lost boys. I give myself limits now - I will let myself be blue for a set amount of time and then I will snap out of it. I can't go there for too long, I don't want to go there for too long. I am a happy person, I am a fighter and this will not bring me down no matter how hard it tries. I read something on Pintrest yesterday that really cracked me up, it said: "Lord, I know you only give us what we can handle… apparently you think I'm a hardcore badass, and now I don't know if I’m happy about it or not." This made me laugh out loud because it's funny and because it's true. I am a self-proclaimed hardcore badass but I'm at the limit for a while. I need some time to adjust to all these new realities before more come into my world. But I guess getting used to the realities is one of the realities.

Sending hugs & smiles

Sarah

I am excited to write about my amazing weekend. First ,I once again, am over-the-top grateful for my angels out there. Last weekend I met 5 girlfriends in Sonoma California. I've been planning this one for a while, coordinating calendars, and planning a Girl's Weekend Getaway in Sonoma. We were traveling in from Montana, San Francisco, Sacramento, and Phoenix and all met up at Cline Cellar's in Sonoma. Thanks to my angels and the Cline family for gifting me 2 nights in the villa located at the vineyards. This is a beautiful winery. The old farmhouse has been converted to the tasting room, it's perfect. We went straight to tasting and the Cline wines were the perfect start. The staff met with us and took us up to the villa. This place is more than I could have imagined - it's beautiful beyond words. This is more than what I would call a "villa". It's 6500sf, 4 bedroom suites, 2 livings areas, a huge dining room, a gourmet kitchen, and a pool. We had the whole place to the 6 of us for the weekend. This was perfect and never would have been possible without the help of my angels. We took a tour, choose sleeping arrangements and settled in. Each of us arrived at different times and we gathered on the patio with wine, cheese and crackers. I can't tell you how relaxed and grateful I felt within seconds. I am so blessed to have such fantastic women in my life. As we sat together throughout this weekend and shared our stories I looked at each of my dear friends and smiled. This was a weekend that I found myself just sitting back and "taking it all in".

Ok, a little more detail about our weekend. Our first night we had a great dinner at Harvest Moon in Sonoma Square. We sat on an adorable patio area and enjoyed each other's company. I was the only one that knew everyone there so it was nice to introduce new friends. The next day was wine tasting day. We kicked the day off with coffee and monkey bread at home - yummy! Then headed to Gloria Ferrer for our first tasting and tour. They specialize in sparkling wines and they were very good. They have one called Va De Vi that I really liked, I took one back to the house to enjoy later. Across the street was a little shopping plaza with a great café called Park 121 where we had lunch. We enjoyed a little shopping - pretty cool little artsy shops here - and found a wine tasting room for what turned out to be a not so great wine. We ventured on to Ramsgate. I can't believe how fast the day went by, the wineries were closing by the time we left here. We stopped by the Cline tasting room and picked up an extra bottle to enjoy this evening. This night we ate in. We enjoyed more wine, cheese, fruit, crackers on the patio then made chicken parmesan for dinner. This was a really nice evening together a few of us made it through the wee hours of the morning enjoying the stars and remaining wine. I kept the corks from the trip and we were all shocked to realize that in 2 days we "tasted" 17 bottles of wine. Good job ladies! The next morning one of us had to leave early while the rest of us took the opportunity to sleep in a little. We enjoyed coffee and breakfast before saying goodbye. We needed to be out of the villa by 11 and 3 of us were flying out of Oakland later that afternoon… what to do with ourselves? We decided to drive over the Golden Gate and into the city for a sourdough breadbowl of clam chowder. I also had the opportunity to meet up with another friend in San Fran which was a nice bonus to the weekend.

We laughed, we drank, we cooked, we ate, we enjoyed an amazing weekend together. I am so grateful that I was able to spend a weekend with dear friends and create memories together that we will always have. It was hard to say goodbye.

When I got home it didn't take long for me to start snoring… I was beat. I was preparing for the reality smack because I had chemo scheduled the next day. I woke up that morning and quickly realized that I had pink eye - again! Yup… pink eye! I am so tired of pink eye I can't even begin to tell you - it's. so. Frustrating! And I was still crazy tired. This also meant no chemo. I can't go in the chemo room with super contagious pink eye and risk giving it to everyone there. I called super nurse Michele and we rescheduled for Wednesday. A part of me was a little relieved that I got a chance to rest up before loading my body with chemo. When I went to treatment yesterday I had a chance to sit with Michele for a while and I told her about my awesome weekend. I told her that my friends often say "I really wouldn't know that you were dealing with all this medical stuff, you look great". She said "Well sure because they don't see this part. You are great at putting on a strong face and enjoying your time." She nailed it. I am like a dog - I don't like to expose my weaknesses. I just want to enjoy every moment that I can while I can. I know that there will come a day when that is going to be harder to do. I don't want to miss a second or an opportunity before that day comes. I will fight as hard as I can to stay as strong as I can for as long as I can. But, what I'm finding is that each trip gets a little harder to recover from. So, I just need to learn to let my guard down a little and be a little more honest with myself about how I'm feeling. I think I've talked about this in a blog before and here I am circling back to it. It's hard to do, to be honest with myself about what is happening to me and my body. It's hard to recognize that I can't do the things I used to do. It's hard to admit that I have to start sitting on the sidelines rather than playing in the game. But I have moments where it all floods in and I realize that although these things are hard to do - these are things that I have to do.

Yesterday was chemo and today was a Neulasta shot. I am not feeling like a million bucks today. And I realize that I now know the pattern of what is happening. On shot weeks I know that the next 3 days will be downhill before I start feeling better. Double whammy - pink eye forced me to push out chemo which means that my weekend is shot because I'm going to feel awful. But, on the bright side next week is a no chemo week - something to look forward to!

While I paid a price when I got home I wouldn't have changed a thing about my Girls Weekend. I am so grateful to have these friends in my life. Each of these amazing women have taught me different things about life, each has given me so much support in ways I don't think they even know. Thank you all for spending an amazing weekend with me, I will carry these memories with me always.

Hugs & Smiles,

Sarah

We just got back from an over-the-top fantastic trip to New York City! I am so grateful to a few angels that helped make this trip happen. I couldn't have done it without you all. Thank you doesn't begin to express my gratitude.

I've been to NYC quite a few times. This was the go-to spot for me and mom when we would take trips together when we lived on the East Coast. We would go shopping, go to Broadway, having amazing meals and just enjoy the city. I have many fond memories of these trips. That's part of what inspired one of my bucket list items. I wanted to go see The Book of Mormon on Broadway. Not only because I love the city, but I and love the theatre and I've heard so many great things about this show. One of my angels in NY reached out right away and said "We got this one, we want to take care of tickets to the show for you". Wow! This was great news not only because it's such a nice thing to do, also... these tickets are hard to come by. Getting to NY from Arizona is a little daunting - it's a long trip and comes with a hefty price tag. But, thanks to one great angel our flights were taken care of and we were on our way. When researching to book a hotel I wanted to find something that was close to Central Park because that is by far my favorite part of this amazing city, but I didn't want to pay "Plaza" prices. I reached out to a friend in NY asking for recommendations only to get a response that another angel had us booked and we were ready to go. (I told you this was an over-the-top fantastic trip - right?!?!) The trip was booked about two months ago… now we waited… and waited… it felt like forever, I was so excited for this trip.

The day finally arrived - we were on our way to the city! The flights were trouble-free. We caught a cab and headed to our hotel. We stayed at the New York Athletic Club. Ok, let me tell you about this place if you haven't heard of it. It's a private club that was founded in 1868. It was originally designed as an athletic club that trained and developed many US champions and Olympic athletes. It has evolved into even more. There are 6 floors of guest rooms, a rooftop patio and solarium, a dining room, billiards room, library, card room, tap room, and 7 floors dedicated to everything from raquetball to boxing to locker rooms and even fencing. It boasts a grand lobby and strictly enforced dress code. Lucky for us there is a back entrance for the underdressed tourists :). The building is amazing. We went to our room on the 19th floor and it took my breath away. The room was quite large and there were 3 large windows that had sweeping, unobstructed views of Central Park. I've never seen the park from this perspective and I couldn't look away. It was beautiful. This truly wouldn't have been possible without the help of some angels and I am forever grateful - you gave me a memory I will never forget. We didn't even want to leave the building so we decided to explore a little more. The rooftop was gorgeous with the same views of the park and views down to Times Square on the other side. I could've spent the entire weekend up there and been a happy camper. But we decided it was time to venture out.

We hit the streets in search of adventure. We walked to Rockefeller Center and explored some of the surrounding area. Then headed to Rue 57 for dinner. I'd been here on a previous trip with my mom and remembered they had great food - they still do. It was a nice dinner, we were able to sit outside and watch the city go by as we ate and drank. After dinner I was pretty wiped out from the travel and walking so we picked up some crown and diet and headed back to the hotel for a nightcap on the roof. This view at night with the city lit up was quite romantic. We had a nice evening just sitting talking and enjoying the view.

The next day in true form we were up early and ready to go. I wanted to go to the Boathouse in Central Park for brunch. I've never been there and wasn't able to get a reservation so I figured lets just get there when they open and hope for the best. We had some time so we got up leisurely and I drank coffee overlooking the park (seriously I could've stared at this view the entire trip). Then we walked through the park, took some pictures, and got to the Boathouse right when they opened. We were able to get a table right away and it was right on the water = perfect. Mimosa's and Eggs Benedict on the water in Central Park on a beautiful day. Ahhh… this is the life. I quickly remembered the many reasons I love this city. After breakfast we walked to the NBC Building to go to Top of The Rock. I think this is by far the best way to see the entire city - the views are awesome and you can get city photos with the empire state building and statue of liberty included. We were even able to see the new World Trade Center Building. It's a nice addition to the skyline. We did a little more exploring before I needed a rest… back to the room for a nap before the show. We met up with my angels/friends for dinner before the show. We had a nice time catching up and enjoying dinner. When we got to the theatre we were taken to our seats… in the SECOND ROW! Holy moly! Not only did one of my angels pull off getting tickets to a sold out show but he managed to get them in the second row! The show definitely lived up to it's hype. It was hysterical - I highly recommend this one if you are not easily offended because it is quite, um, raunchy? Frankly, I laughed my ass off the entire time! What a great way to finish off a great day! And I was asleep before my head hit the pillow…

We woke to a gloomy rainy day. It wasn't supposed to rain til the day we left but apparently someone missed the memo because it was early. It was actually a kind of nice change of pace for us since we don't see much rain here in the desert. I purchased a rain/wind jacket from the club (I wanted something from here anyway and this seemed like the perfect opportunity) and then went and got us umbrellas for today's adventures. We walked to a little café that I had read about called Sarabeth's for breakfast - loved this place, the food was delish! We hopped on the subway and headed to the 9/11 Memorial. It was overwhelming. The memorial is so well done and the emotion of what happened here is still in the air. Tears welled in my eyes many times while we were there. The museum isn't open yet but we were able to look into the windows. They have build it around the remains of a staircase from one of the towers and a few beams that were still in tact. This is when the tears rolled down my cheeks - it's impossible to see this and not be taken by all that has happened here. After this we decided we needed something a little more uplifting… and indoors because it was still raining pretty hard. Back on the subway we went and headed to the Natural History Museum. Holy cow this place is huge! I love a good museum and this is for sure a good one. It reminded me of the Smithsonian in DC (my 2nd favorite city). Here's a quick lesson though… rainy day in the city on a Sunday = PACKED museums! It had been a long day and I was exhausted again. We popped into a Ray's pizza close by for a slice. In my opinion this is some of the best pizza ever. Then headed back to the hotel for a rest. We decided to take it easy this night and walked down to Whiskey Park for a few beers and sliders before calling it a night.

Our final day was still a little gloomy and humid. We watched the news in the morning and the weather guy said it was "soupy and humid". Soupy? What a strange description for weather, I mocked. We headed down to Sarabeth's for another yummy breakfast and decided to spend the morning wandering Central Park. Within an hour of walking I turned to Roy and said "I feel… soupy!" LOL I totally got it and it was btw a great description for the day. We spent a few hours walking through the park before heading back to shower, pack and get ready to head home. We took so many pictures it was hard to choose what to put on the site - check out the photos section for a few extras It was an over-the-top fantastic trip that I will never forget. Thank you to everyone that made this possible.

Sending hugs & smiles,
Sarah

I'm quickly realizing that a "lighter version" of chemo is still chemo. I had this little dream in my head that pulling back on the chemo drugs was going to make me feel a ton better but in reality I feel pretty much the same. I mentioned in my last post that the side effects are a little subdued compared to the bigger treatment which is still a little true, but chemo is chemo no matter how you get it. I didn't write a post last week for a few reasons. First, I just felt crummy. Last week was the third week of the new treatments and it hit me harder than I was expecting. I also had to get a Neulasta shot last Tuesday. Neulasta is like a super strong version of Neupogen. Geez all these big N words that really don't make any sense. Let me try to make sense of it, before this new treatment plan I was getting Neupogen (aka bone pain shots) for three consecutive days after chemo pretty much every week toward the end (which btw is part of why we changed the chemo regimen). The shots are given to help boost my white blood cell count (my immune system) by amping up the bone marrow to produce more white blood cells (this is why my bones hurt). On this new treatment plan I get the 4th week off (no chemo) which means we are able to do the super version of this shot, Neulasta. Here's the thing, the super version sucks big time. There were a few days that just lifting a pen hurt. They always tell me "not everyone gets the pain, maybe you'll get lucky" - ha! I never get lucky with these shots, I get a lot of pain. Needless to say between the build-up of weekly chemo for three weeks and the super shot on top of it last week was not one of my better weeks. As always, I put on my big girl panties and got through it. Phew.

The other reason for my lack of post was because I was busy with visitors. This was the highlight of the crummy week. Roy's mom, grandma, and aunt came to town to spend mother's day weekend with us and my mom. It was a nice weekend together. We had a barbeque, did some shopping, and took a dip in the pool. And I've made progress on my T-shirt quilt thanks to Aunt Suzie. Maybe I haven't mentioned this project before? I was cleaning out my closet and drawers a few months ago and found a ton of old t-shirts I had stashed away. We all have em, the old concert shirts and charity event shirts even some that date back to high school that you just can't bring yourself to part with… but will never wear again. I had a stack of them. I started searching on Pintrest (which btw I am fully addicted to) for crafty ideas for old t-shirts. I found a ton of stuff but what really jumped out at me was a t-shirt quilt. I've come up with my pattern and finally started cutting last weekend. Ok, I'm not going to hide the fact that cutting up these treasured t-shirts that I've had all these years was super hard to do. But, I have a vision, a little push from Aunt Susie and I'm excited to create something with them that I will actually use rather than just leaving them in a stinky drawer. Yup, I said stinky drawer - lol - not that all my drawers stink, but you know that old musty smell when you don't wear stuff and it just sits in a wooden drawer for too long. Anyway, fist step to making a t-shirt quilt is to wash all the t-shirts in your favorite detergent so they smell amazing again. Now I'm a t-shirt cutting fool! I had never touched a sewing machine before last weekend. So Roy's grandma and aunt showed me the ropes of my borrowed machine. I'm armed and ready. As I make progress I'll post pics for you to see, this is my new art project for my creative outlet.

I must admit that I haven't been feeling great. While the weekend was a nice break and good visit I still wasn't fully myself. This week is my chemo free week which I thought I'd be jumping for joy and feeling good but it's more of a phew thank god no chemo cause I don't know how I'd do it. I'm zapped. Oh and guess what I woke up with Monday morning? If you guessed Pink Eye you win! Damn pink eye crap! I looked in the mirror and just sighed at my puffy red eye. At least the drops are working and it seems to be clearing up. Lately I've found that I don't like looking in the mirror much. I don't recognize myself anymore. Every week with chemo I get a bunch of IV steroids which have made me really puffy and gain a lot of unwanted weight. I was worried about losing a bunch of weight when - surprise - I gained it! Go figure. I also don't have much hair. I'm not completely bald, but what I do have is shorter than half an inch and mostly white or gray. Top that off with pink eye all the time and I'm not looking so hot. I really don't recognize my own reflection. Not feeling so great about myself in that regard lately, but trying to accept it.

While I admit that I am not feeling good I can also say that today is better than yesterday which means tomorrow will be even better than today… I'm in an upswing. For awhile I kept telling myself "tomorrow will be better" only to wake up and realize it was actually worse than the day before (thank you super shot for that one). So it's good to finally be feeling better each day at least for now. I was looking at the calendar and I am now almost 7 months into chemo this time around. I have had 21 rounds of chemo in 28 weeks. It's overwhelming to think of in that way, but it's my reality. I think that's how I've found a lot of my strength through all of this, just knowing and accepting that this is my reality. I don't get a choice in whether or not I have cancer. I just have it - it is what it is. But I do get a choice in how I deal with it. I choose to live life to the fullest and not take a second for granted. I choose to accept that this is my new reality, that my life has changed dramatically, but I'm not going to let it keep me from being the person I want to be. I choose to fight as hard and as long as I can because even though this new reality isn't awesome, it's mine and I am not ready to let it go. I choose to be happy, to smile, to enjoy all the little moments that make life good. I hope that I can inspire all of you to do the same. Smile, be happy, enjoy the little moments, live life! It's easy to get trapped in the stress of life: work, money, relationships, house, etc… but what really matters in the end is that your happy. You can let these stressful moments overtake you or you can stop, breath, smile, and know that it will all work out based on the choices you make. We all have our own realities that can bring us down, it's how you deal with them that makes a difference. That's your choice.

Sending hugs and smiles,

Sarah

This weekend I was able to do something I love. I painted a nursery for some friends that are expecting their first child in July. I haven't painted a room in over a year, I wasn't sure I'd have the energy. We talked about it weeks ago and they said they wanted planes and rockets. The creative part of my brain got to work right away and I started sketching out ideas. Everyone liked the sketches and it got me motivated… I really wanted to do this project. So this was the weekend. This room took a total of 16 hours to finish. I'm not going to hide the fact that I am now totally exhausted and every cell in my body hurts - but it was totally worth it. The room came out awesome and I loved creating it. I always seem to forget how much I love creating these rooms until I start doing it again. I used some different techniques on this one too. There is a spaceship and I used a metallic silver paint on it to make it pop. I used the same paint with a sponging technique to give the moon some texture. Ok, so now you are saying to yourself - what moon? What spaceship? Let me see it!  Well.. Ok then! Here are a few photos and a link to more.

They don't have the room totally set up yet, but you get the idea. I think it came out really cute and most importantly I am happy to say that the parents-to-be love it! Yay!   Looking back I realize that 16 hours in a couple days = long days. Saturday I put in about 10 hours on it. But here's the thing, I get so absorbed in what I'm doing and I love it so much the time just slips away. When I stop is when it hits me, especially now because the chemo just wears me down faster. Last night when I got home I thought I'd just been hit by a Mack Truck = ouch! I even decided to take a pain pill before bed… in fact that is pretty tempting right now… please hold.

Ah, give it 15 min and I'll be feeling better again, thank you vicodin. I think it's the combination of chemo and having not done that in so long that my body rejected all the movement. Up the ladder, down the ladder, bending over, standing up, reaching up, reaching down, painting small spaces, painting large spaces, moving the ladder and doing it all over again and again and again. My body is screaming at me now, but I can take it because I got to do something I love. When I woke up this morning I was excited to get to the room to finish it up. When I put my feet on the ground to get out of bed I realized just how much I was hurting but decided to "ignore" it and get going. Ben was staring at me and I felt like he was my little cheerleader helping me get my morning routine started. I always look at my phone in the morning to see what's going on… emails, facebook, texts, calls, calendar etc. This morning when I turned it on a reminder came up for chemo tomorrow. Ugh. It's like my whole body just drops a little at the thought of it. Here I am doing something I love and trying not to think about all the crap and "bam!" - a reminder. There's always something in every day that reminds me that I have this burden that is cancer. And I suppose that's a good thing. I know I overdo it anyway, if I didn't have the reminder that my body needs to take it slow I think I would push through too much, too hard. So, I had my reminder this morning on my phone…

Let's talk about chemo… I'm two weeks into the new treatment plan (taxol only - previously know as a small treatment - once a week for three weeks, then one week off and repeat). So far it's a lot more tolerable than the "big, small, small" treatment I was doing before. I still get the normal chemo effects they just seem a little more subdued. I am generally tired - I find that getting up in the mornings has been my biggest struggle, I hurt sometimes and I'm nauseous from time to time… but overall it's manageable. We are planning to do this for four months and hope that we keep the beast at bay. I'm often asked if I would know or feel it if it wasn't working. That's a tough question. I've always felt or found it before when I've had recurrences and I'm assuming this would be the same. It's easy to become a hypochondriac after having not one but two recurrences, every headache, bump, bruise, and pain is at first an instant thought of another recurrence. I have to rationalize with myself and decide honestly if it is more than "just a headache". But the hope is that I don't feel it at all because we keep it where it is! 

I'm so glad I was able to tap into a creative outlet and my body let me do it! I've missed using the creative part of my brain. This has inspired me to kick off other projects. I have a few great ideas up my sleeve… um, yeah, I also have a few half baked projects around the house that I am finally ready to jump back into. (I know Roy will be happy to read that one!) I will keep you all posted… get excited! And if you have a kids room that needs a sweet mural, let me know… I'm ready to do it again! Finishing a room is bittersweet - I love seeing the final product but I am a little sad that I don't get to keep working on it tomorrow. I encourage everyone to tap into the something that you love - for me it's a new art project… it keeps the juices flowing and makes me smile!

Sending hugs & smiles,
Sarah

The greatest lesson I've learned over the past few years is that life is such a gift and it is so easy to take it for granted. Each day that I wake up and get another day I am grateful! And today is a day to celebrate this because today is my birthday! Woot woot! Last week I thought about how I wanted to celebrate my birthday… a party with friends? A big dinner celebration? A trip? A quiet night with my husband? And then it hit me! I wanted to celebrate this amazing gift of life with everyone! I wanted to find a way to remind everyone how precious this gift is… I wanted to give back! So for my 38th birthday I decided to give 38 Random Acts of Kindness throughout the Phoenix area. I started planning my list and researching places to go right away - there is definitely some leg work required here. I baked all day yesterday - 5 mini banana nut loaves and about 90 chocolate chip cookies. And I had to give myself a budget because I knew that I could quickly get out of control and spend a ton of money. Last night Roy and I met my mom and Dean at a steakhouse in Wild Horse Pass Casino for a birthday dinner together and then a little play. I put in my twenty bucks and after a few hands hit a four of a kind - $120! So I decided that this $100 was my Random Acts of Kindness fund! Yay! Last night I refined my list and made a shopping list to do first thing this morning. I had chemo today too so I had to fit that into my day! Here's my list:

1. Pay for the person behind me in line at Starbucks

2. Make and give baked goods to my nurses

3. Hide dollars in the toy section of the dollar store

4. Give food to the local food bank

5. Pass out bunches of flowers at a seniors assisted living facility

6. Give residents of an assisted living facility crossword puzzle books

7. Hand out baggies of cookies to residents at an assisted living facility

8. Bake cookies for Roy to take to his co-workers

9. Put one dollar lottery scratch off tickets on car windshields with a note

10. Leave a smile for the mail carrier in the mail box

 11. Mail smile cards to strangers

12. Take flowers to strangers in the hospital

13. Take food to the Humane Society

14. Fill gumball/toy machines with quarters

15. Hide small toys at the community playground for the kids to find

16. Leave pool toys at the community pool

17. Post Random Acts of Kindness printable cards online for others to use

18. Give cookies and cold water to homeless people

19. Leave laundry soap and quarters at the Laundromat

20. Leave money taped to a red box for someone to enjoy a movie

21. Take tennis balls to leave at the dog park

 22. Compliment a stranger

23. Take a cart back to the store for someone

24. Leave smiles on the windshield of cars at an oncology center

25. Donate school supplies to a school - I was lucky enough to find a school for homeless kids in downtown Phoenix

26. Read stories to kids at the library

27. Give treats to the animals at the shelter

28. Randomly hand out cookies with a note that says it's a random act of kindness and to pass it on

29. Make a someone laugh out loud

30. Take cold water bottles to outdoor workers

31. Leave pennies heads up on the ground for others to find

32. Send someone a random e card

 33. Send a note to a co-worker telling them how much they are appreciated

34. Give a five dollar grocery gift card to the next person in line

35. Hold the door open for someone

36. Make and give baked goods to a neighbor

37. Buy helium balloons to give to kids at the mall

38. Submit compliment cards to managers about workers at various places

39. Give treats to the people that helped me today

Yup I pushed the limit and added an extra one for good measure! Phew! This was quite a list!  I went to the Dollar Store first thing this morning and got most of my supplies.  I am now in love with the Dollar Store for these types of project - I was able to get so much stuff!  I had a few "partners in crime" that helped me achieve this list. My mom went with me to chemo and ran around to most of my destinations today - I was so happy to have her by my side helping me check these things off the list. Then I came home, ran out to do a few local things before "date night" with Roy. After dinner I convinced him to go with me to the mall to give out helium balloons to kids - their faces were priceless! Visiting the Assisted Living Facility was by far the most rewarding part of the day while giving treats to all of the dogs at the Humane Society was the most fun! But every thing on this list created smiles for me, my "partner in crime, the recipient, and even the people around us watching it happen.

Each of the bags of cookies, lotto tickets, cards, etc had a note attached that says:
Please enjoy this
RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS
"Spread love everywhere you go.
Let no one come to you without
leaving happier" - Mother Teresa

Today was honestly the best birthday I've ever had! I realized that it is so easy to bring joy and smiles to other people. I'm so grateful that I was able to complete this list and I encourage everyone to try doing something life this. Today was the greatest gift of life!

Hugs & Smiles
Sarah

It's been a nice break. I had three chemo free weeks and took the opportunity to take a fantastic trip to Hawaii. This last week I realized that I was really feeling like a person again. Feeling yucky had become my new normal but to actually be normal again was really nice. I had a few follow up appointments with my doctors during my break. The first was with Dr. Gordon - he is the experimental guru who was looking for clinical trials for me. He and I talked about my last scans in February. Because the scans looked so good he felt there wasn't a need for a clinical trial at this point and frankly I wouldn't be a good candidate for any of them. He made some suggestions about pulling back on my chemo treatment a little and would discuss with Dr Borst. He is staying on my team as a consultant for now and we can reconnect when the chemo stops working (which we know will eventually happen). I met with Dr. Borst when I got back from Hawaii. He agreed with Dr. Gordon and said the scans were such a good sign that we can try something new. So, we are starting something new this week. For the past 5 months I've been getting 3 week cycles of carboplatin and taxol. Starting this week I am getting 3 weeks cycles of just taxol - we are pulling out the carbo - and I'll get the 4th week off. We are going to do this for 4 months and then take a month off before having another scan. Our hope is that we can just keep things where they are.

Yesterday was the first treatment of this new protocol. It was tough to get up and go back to the drip drip drip of chemo. But, I put back on the boxing gloves and am ready to keep fighting. Honestly it was good to see the crew at the oncology office that holds my hand, gives me hugs, and genuinely takes such great care of me while I'm there. I've missed them over the past few weeks. And we are all hopeful in trying something new. As always we ran labs before starting chemo to see where my blood levels are… I guess a part of me thought with three weeks off I was going to get rockstar results. And while for me they were looking really good, these still weren't all in the normal ranges. Sigh. We are not scheduling neupogen (bone pain shots) for this week and keeping fingers crossed that by pulling out the carbo drug my levels will stay higher than before. Won't know until next week when we run labs again.

I did get a small reaction to yesterday's treatment. I started noticing that my arms were itchy. Then my legs started itching and before I knew it I was uncontrollably itchy all over. Itch itch scratch! Now I know what a dog with fleas feels like. Phew it was hard to handle. There were no hives or red skin and otherwise I was feeling ok. I couldn't take the itching anymore so I texted Super-Nurse Michele and she told me to take some Benedryl. After about an hour I started to get relief. I took a shower which also helped and went to bed. Today I'm feeling much better. Not sure what happened but hopefully it was a one time deal. Today is better than a usual post chemo day… hopefully the week stays pretty good. So, here's hoping that something new is a home run!

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah

Roy and I just got back from yet another amazing trip… Hawaii! Honestly I can't go there enough, I love it! We went to Maui and met some friends there and stayed for 6 days. This was our second trip to Maui but there was still so much to see and do… and I had two bucket list items to check off!

Let me tell you about the trip first. There's nothing better than sitting on the beach, listening to the sounds of the waves, smelling the sea air, and having a frozen fruity umbrella drink in your hand. In fact, I'm ready to go back!  We stayed in the Kaanapali area which is just north of Lahina. It was a great area because it was far enough from the touristy chaos but close enough that we could get there within a 10 minute drive. I should add the disclaimer that I took a break from chemo before this trip so I felt like a person and was able to do everything I wanted to do. This is week three without treatment. I honestly didn't realize how bad I was feeling until I started feeling normal again.

On our first day Roy and I took a road trip to explore the northern portion of the island and stopped off to view a 60 foot blowhole. Then we met our friends for yummy drinks on the beach. We decided to go to Lahina for dinner that night and found Fleetwoods. This is a restaurant and rooftop bar that looks out over the water and is owned by Mick Fleetwood from Fleetwood Mac! They have a sunset ritual with music and stories of hawaiian legend - I highly recommend going here. After a few drinks we headed to Lahina Grill for dinner - it was over the top fantastic! The next day we all went on a Trilogy 40 ft catamaran cruise to Molokini to do some snorkeling. It was awesome, we saw whales and huge sea turtles on the trip to the island. On our last full day we golfed the Kaanapali Kai course which had amazing views and was a fairly easy course so we didn't get frustrated! On our last night we went to Mama's Fish House for dinner. Nothing compares to Mama's, they have their own private beach, beautiful décor, and fantastic food!

Ok, on to the bucket list… first up - PARAGLIDING! If you've never done this before - DO IT! Roy decided to sit this one out so my girlfriend and I did it on our own. We had a little adventure trying to find the meeting spot but eventually got there - and we were early. So, we went on a mission to find some coffee (it was an early morning). We stumbled upon Grandma's Coffee House. The cutest little spot, it's an old building that they converted to the picture perfect coffee house - what a great find! After a little coffee perk we met the crew for our paragliding adventure. We met the crew at the landing spot toward the bottom of Haleakala Volcano. There were quite a few people there but we were the only ones going tandem (we were attached to a guy who knew what he was doing) ;). We all loaded into the van and took the windy road 3000 feet up the volcano. This was our take off spot. There was a small grassy area and the edge of the mountain. This is where the adrenaline started! The crew laid out the parachutes and made sure everything was good to go. Next step was to strap us into the harnesses. My tandem instructor walked me through what was going to happen during take off and landing. It's pretty simple - you just start walking together super fast then running… just keep running until you are well off the ground. Basically you just run off the edge. We went first… walk, walk, walk, run, run, run, and we were in the air. One hiccup… I lost a shoe during take off. Luckily I noticed it right away and we yelled down and someone else was able to pick it up for me. Geesh! Although I quickly didn't care that I was the one shoe wonder… I was gliding/soaring in the air, we were above the clouds, it was silent and beautiful. I could see the northern peaks of Maui and the ocean in the distance.  The harness had a seat built in so once we were up and in the air the seat just kind of snuggled under me… it was like a swing in the sky. My tandem instructor taught me how to steer and let me have control for awhile. When we were about to cross into the clouds a little he told me to watch our shadow on the ground for something called "the glory". As I watched our shadow on the ground it grew bright and a rainbow ring formed around it… when we got a little lower the center of the rainbow ring turned into a bright star of light. There's no good way to describe this in words, it was awesome. The landing was very gentle and the entire trip took about 15 minutes. I will never forget this experience, it was amazing!

On our last day we planned a stop at Iao Valley on the way to the airport. The Iao Valley State Park is in the heart of the Northern part of Maui. We took a short hike to the observation point that looks over Iao Needle - an erosional feature which abruptly rises 1200 feet out of the valley floor. The valley is lush and full of beautiful plants and flowers. There is a rushing creek that runs through the bottom of the valley. Exploring Iao Valley was on my bucket list, I didn't realize that this was going to be a quick one. There aren't a lot of trails in the area and it is very well preserved to prevent too much traffic. But standing in the valley and looking up at the needle and doing what exploring we could was unforgettable.

I'm so glad I had the opportunity to take this trip and to check two items off my list. We had a fantastic trip that neither of us will forget. I was definitely not ready to leave. I can still close my eyes to escape to the sounds of the beach.

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah