Life's Journey

Now that I'm on the Doxil chemotherapy agent I'm getting treatment once every four weeks. I'm finding that there is a pattern in how I feel each week. Thought it would be helpful to share what I've learned with all of you. I share these findings for a few reasons. First and probably most important reason for sharing here is to help anyone else going through treatment. I'm hopeful that those of you that are battling the beast and reading my blog get some kind of benefit in finding that you are not alone and maybe helping you deal with some of these side effects too. Second, I think it's helpful for everyone around me to really understand what I'm going through. There are times that I go "undercover" or MIA, maybe this post will help you all understand why that happens. And it's not just me and my friends and family, but anyone else that may be reading this that knows someone going through treatment, this may help you understand the things that most people going through treatment don't want to talk about. And third, looking back over my posts helps me remember what coming, what's worked, and how my side effects have changed. So, here it goes…

Week 1 - this is the week of treatment. I've been getting treatment on Tuesdays and I find that by Friday the Doxil has started kicking my ass. I can usually make it through the weekend, but by Sunday evening I'm down and out. The pain really starts to increase by the end of the week and I'm taking extra pain meds to help. This generally means I have at least one day that I would rather sleep through than get up and try to face the day. The pain is too intense, my tummy feels like crap, and I'm so exhausted I would rather just sleep through the day. Sometimes there are two of these by the end of the week. I get crazy tired and I'm usually still constipated from week 4 (this will make more sense later). There is no chance of pretending to be human by the end of this week.

Week 2 - still on the downward slope. With other treatments I would sometimes start feeling better by week 2 but with Doxil that doesn't happen. I find that tomorrow will be worse than today during this week. This is the week that my tummy starts it's rollercoaster ride from hell. It usually starts on the first day of week two and is at it's worst through this entire week. I don't get much sleep this week because I wake up in the night with pain and burning sensations in my abdomen. The nausea is sometimes unbearable and other times just a nagging bitch. The bowel explosions begin and I just generally feel like shit. I find that toward the end of week two if I go into the doctors office for a bag of fluids it helps give me a little boost because no matter how hard I try I get dehydrated. Gatorade should call me and offer me stock in the company by now because that's pretty much all I drink this week. And the fatigue is ridiculous. There are days when I can barely get up out of bed and find myself falling asleep all the time. Literally, all the time, we will be driving to the store and I will fall asleep in the car. I don't want to eat this week because everything looks, sounds, and smells gross. This is the week I find I go MIA. I'm 100% a cancer patient this week and I just want to crawl under the covers and cry.

Week 3 - recovery begins. By the end of this week I finally start feeling like tomorrow will be better than today. This is the upward slope. I'm still dealing with much of the tummy rollercoaster but it starts easing up by the end of the week. The nausea is still pretty intense at the beginning of the week and I find I'm taking extra nausea meds. But, by the end of the week I'm able to ease up on the meds and feel a little better. I'm still tired, but I'm able to get out and do things with my friends. (I'm at the very end of week 3 in my current cycle and yesterday I spent the day with friends and had a great time but found today I needed to rest and recuperate.) This is also the week that the general body pain starts kicking in. By the end of the week I will often wake myself up in pain at night and have to take extra pain meds to help me sleep.

Week 4 - starting to feel like a person again and not a cancer patient. I start to get my energy back this week and the tummy rollercoaster ends. But, the end of the rollercoaster is when the constipation sets in. I'm still trying to find the balance on this one. I take laxatives every day and during this week I increase and add extra things to try to help during because I know it gets bad but nothing seems to be able to "prevent" it from happening. (This is what lingers into week 1 of the next cycle.) The pain gets more intense this week. I'm not sure why this happens, I'm on an upward slope and starting to feel human, but the general body pain intensifies. It's quite frustrating, but it's all part of the cycle. By the end of the week I'm really starting to feel like a person again… just in time to get my next chemo and start the cycle all over again.

Obviously this isn't an exact science and there are variations in how I'm feeling, but this is the general pattern. I'm finding balance in some of my meds for side effects, but still learning in other areas. For example, now that I know that the worst nausea usually sets in week 2 I can start taking compazine more frequently and add benedryl and ativan. Next cycle I am going to try steroids and ativan for the nausea and see how it goes. But the bowel issues I'm having a really hard time with. It seems no matter what I try the rollercoaster happens between explosion and constipation and I have yet to find balance here. But, now that I realize what the cycle is I'm going to try to start increasing my laxatives in week 3 to hopefully prevent the explosion in week 2. Hmph, we'll see if that works but I'm not feeling super confident.

I hope this sheds a little light into what it's like to live with cancer. Life with chemo is a guessing game. You never really know what tomorrow will bring but I go to bed every night hoping that tomorrow will be better. And every day I wake up grateful for the gift of today.

Sending hugs and smiles,

Sarah

We woke early today because we were told the airport gets crazy and we should be there 3 hours before our flight. We took this to heart and got there ridiculous early. But I think it was worth it… we had no trouble getting through check in, customs check, and security. I noticed as more and more people showed up it did start getting chaotic.

I'm not ready to leave this amazing adventure. It's been such a great trip. We are both feeling very relaxed and we've been able to kind of let go of all the stresses at home. I did realize that as much as I wanted to live in denial and pretend I didn’t have cancer for these couple of weeks, it's just not possible. The cancer is always there, sitting on my shoulder, reminding me of its existence. I am feeling a significant amount of pain at this point. My abdomen is constantly aching. My legs and joints just hurt. I'm continuing to take the slow release 30 mg morphine pills but I need Vicodin for break through pain. I know I overdid it, I pushed too hard. But, it was worth it. I think part of the reason I'm doing well through these treatments is because I push myself so hard. I refuse to let the pain hold me down. Granted it does limit me sometimes, but it doesn’t stop me. I just know that I have these limitations. I don’t like them, but I deal with them. I take meds to help get me through a lot of it and when I hurt I breath through it. I've talked about this before but I can't express enough how important I feel this is for anyone dealing with cancer or other medical condition that causes chronic pain. Breathing, self-meditation, and visualization make a huge difference. When I find myself in a lot of pain (there were a few times on this trip that they pain would literally wake me up crying because it was so bad) I stop, close my eyes and start with breathing. Breath in, breath out, and count down. I count from 10 down. I will do this as many times as is needed. Then I will practice some meditation to relax. I find when I am in that type of pain I tense up, my entire body clenches. The breathing helps but the meditation forces me to relax myself. And if these don't help I lay down and practice visualization. I can literally take myself to a happy place. Usually this is on one of the beaches of Hawaii where I can relax and focus on the sights, sounds, and smells there. This really helps.

Something else I realized on this trip involves chemo brain. This new drug Doxil definitely causes bad chemo brain. I am so forgetful. Words don’t come to me. I often type words incorrectly. Little things like this are bothersome and annoying but not the end of the world. What I've started noticing now is how my brain process situations. There were many times when we found ourselves in crowded areas. I mentioned them at various times throughout my stories, but just a reminder that it was often a melting pot of cultures crammed together in spaces. Even here on the plane. There are times when all I can hear is hundreds of people talking at once, laughing, kids crying, people making announcements… It becomes overwhelming. Things like this never used to bother me but now it sends me almost into a panic. I feel extreme anxiety, almost claustrophobic. I want to scream and run away. This has to be something with how my brain is processing situations now. It's extremely frustrating. I've been taking ativan to try to help with this anxiety but it honestly doesn’t always appear to be enough. Ok enough about these side effects… back to the adventures.

We are on the first leg of our flights home. The long leg… 9.5 hours from Barcelona to Philly. The flight is full and long…. I try to get up and stretch multiple times. I planned ahead and rented a few good movies from iTunes on my iPad for us to watch. Unfortunately, when I tried to play them they wouldn’t open. Not sure what that is all about except to super annoy me in an already annoying situation. thankfully US Airways provides free movies and tv shows during these flights. I watched The Good Year (it was ok) and something else which I already forget so it couldn’t have been very good. Lol. And this is proof of the brain issues. Ugh.

So, let me tell you a brief story about the luckiest guy I know… I married him. (but that's only one of the reasons he's the luckiest - wink wink). Every time we fly I get suckered into the middle seat. Every time! This trip is so long I put my foot down and said one of these legs you have to take the middle seat. Roy was nice enough to pick this flight, the longest of the two. We are in the center section of the row and I am enjoying the extra space and an armrest all to myself in the aisle. When we sat down no one was beside him. I said jokingly that this would probably be the one open seat on the entire plane and he just smiled at me. Somehow, when it comes to stuff like this he really is the luckiest guy I know. We are settling in as are people all around us and still no one in the seat. He's starting to get a little cocky about it over there when all of the sudden a guy comes and sits next to him - ah, sweet justice, I thought to myself. He started talking to some of the flight attendants and it sounds like maybe he works for the airline and is trying to get moved up to first class. No luck so far. Just as they are closing the door I said "enjoy" or something smarty pants like that and **BOOM** that's when it happened… the flight attendant came back and got the guy and moved him to first class. Roy, in the middle seat, with no one next to him. I don't get it. I am cursed every flight with either the overweight guy, the smelly guy, the guy who doesn’t understand "personal space", the chatty lady… my luck is bad in general when getting a middle seat on a flight. The ONE TIME he decides to go for it…. Empty! Luckiest guy I know.

While I'm not ready to face reality yet, I know that it is inevitable. Tomorrow I have chemo and Roy goes back to work. Ugh, sigh, stomp, pulls hair. I don’t wanna. But, what I am looking forward to is seeing Ben! Yay! I've missed that little booger.

We've had a fantastic adventure! We've created memories that will last a lifetime. It's been a great two weeks away… now to prepare for reality.

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah

This morning was the last of the cruise, we had to be off the ship by 9:00am. I am not ready to leave this paradise. I'ts been such a great escape from reality, such a great adventure, and so relaxing. But, we had the day in Barcelona to explore. We booked a hotel for the night so we could spend the day here.

We packed up and carried our bags off the ship. We purchased many treasures at each of our destinations so we had an extra duffle bag to deal with on the way home This port was the most organized of all the ports we visited. They had a system for the taxis, the busses, the cars, etc. We easily got a taxi to take us to our hotel, Hotel Monte Carlo on Las Ramblas. I had a difficult time finding a hotel that had any availability but found this one in the heart of the city with a few rooms. It wasn’t cheap, but it also wasn’t the most expensive - although you would've thought it was when walking through the front doors. It was a very simple and clean hotel. The staff was attentive and very friendly. They took care of our luggage for us and gave us maps and ideas for what to do with our day in Barcelona. We decided to get tickets to the double decker hop on/ hop off bus. They had a few different options, one bus toured the north side, one toured the south side, and one toured the Olympic area. We started on the blue line which took us through the north part of the city. One stop was at the Sangra Familia church. This is such an amazing structure and a must see when in Barcelona. Unfortunately I was feeling absolutely awful so we didn’t get off the bus here. We discussed possibly circling around again later to check it out, but for now sitting on the top open air level of the bus and enjoying the sights was the best option for me. I say I was feeling awful, here's what that means… basically I think my body has progressively been asking me to stop for the past few days. I have been getting more and more sore. I have nausea. I have headaches. My body is tired. I think hauling all the luggage around didn’t help at all. So enjoying the fresh air and riding past the sites was the perfect way to spend the morning.

We went all through the north side and ended up jumping off at a few sites. The first was Paso Robles, it was recommended by the hotel staff and looked pretty cool. It looked like a big castle from the outside. As we approached we realized we had to buy tickets to get in - sigh. Well we were here so we figured might as well. We were told it was broken in to sections inside, each showcased its own region of Spain. As we walked through the architecture, food, drink, music, and retail items would vary from one region to the next. It was like the Epcot of Spain. It was like a rip off! Basically we bought tickets to shop. It didn’t really make sense and I would never recommend this if you visit the area. The second stop we made was for the Telerific (Cable Car). We took a cable car up a mountain the size of South Mountain in our backyard. At the very top was a large castle. Yes, we had to buy tickets for the ride, but this one was worth the entrance fee. The view of the city is awesome. I didn’t realize how big Barcelona really is. It's like the Los Angeles of Spain. It was beautiful from the top. The castle was pretty neat, there were still canons and other weaponry intact. We enjoyed walking through and enjoying the scenery.

We jumped lines and took the bus that toured the South part of the city next. There was so much to see. We drove past all the Guadi architecture - that guy is amazing. The building have no corners or straight lines, everything just kind of flows. There are amazing fountains throughout the city and various castles and churches. It was a beautiful drive through the city. We got back to Las Ramblas just in time to head to our hotel for official check in (our room should be available). The room was quite large which I think is rare here. We had views of a garden patio area. The room was very clean, the bathroom was spacious, and the bed was quite comfortable. We freshened up a little and rested before heading out.

Las Ramblas is definitely the heart of the city. It’s a very busy street that has vendors, souvenirs, cafes, and bars all along the center island. It was packed with people. We went towards the water as we walked the street. We were both a little disappointed. We were expecting artists painting and selling their art, but instead we were finding over priced cheesy souvenirs. Finally I said let's stop at one of the restaurant seating areas and have a beer and some tapas - we really hadn't eaten today. We found a little table available right along the strip which was perfect people watching. We order beers and tapas. The beers were ginormous and the tapas were tasty. We sat here for a while watching the people go by. A group of street performers stopped right in front of us. Our first thought was "crap" - lol - we didn’t want to be bothered by beggars. But, they got started and they were damn good. They performed feats of strength and acrobatics. They brought in a big crowd and we really enjoyed it. That was a perfect intro to Las Ramblas. When we finally finished our ginormous beers we kept walking towards the water. The vendors started to change the closer we got to the water. There were fewer cheesy shops and more artists. We found a fantastic artist that we talked to for a few minutes before purchasing one of his paintings of Las Ramblas. Another perfect treasure to take home. We also started to see more street performers. These were the cool ones that look like statues but they are actually people painted and still. This was a very cool area. We walked around for a while before heading back to our hotel (we had to pee all that beer we drank lol). We asked the hotel staff for a dinner recommendation. They sent us to a tapas restaurant a few blocks north of Las Ramblas. When we went to leave they said it was starting to rain and gave us a large umbrella to use for the night. So grateful they took care of us because it was raining pretty hard. I actually enjoyed cuddling up under the one umbrella with Roy while walking through Barcelona in the rain. We found our restaurant and were lucky enough to get a table right away. This was a great recommendation - the tapas were fantastic and they had great beer options.

We spent a lovely day and evening in Barcelona. I'm glad we decided to tack on an extra night here to explore.

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah

Sadly this is our last stop on our adventure. Tonight we will be sailing to Barcelona where we disembark. I'm not ready for this to come to an end. It's been an amazing trip so far. But, before dwelling on the end we had one more stop to enjoy - Toulon, France.

We weren't sure what to expect here… do we travel into Provence or Marseilles? Is there anything to see and do in Toulon? I was happy to find that the town of Toulon provided some activities for us. When we arrived we were in a large boat dock (many of our stops were very industrial) where there were large yachts and sailboats. We had been seeing a huge sailboat at many of our ports. It looks just like a pirate ship. Every time we saw it I would say "We need to throw bottles of rum at them and start singing "yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me" lol" Anyway, we got off the ship and found these little trains lined up and locals handing out info about them. They looked like the trains that kids ride through the mall but on a little larger scale. So it looked pretty hokey. But after reading the brochure, it was only 6 euros per person, it’s a hop on/ hop off with two stops - one at the beach and one at town center. Sold! This was the perfect idea. I was feeling crazy sore by this point. I've been taking the slow release morphine but yesterday I started supplementing with Vicodin because the pain is just too much. I'm also oddly aware of the stent in my ureter. I think 'Ive just been pushing too hard and my body is begging me to stop. So, this seemed like the perfect solutions. Hop on the hokey little tourist train to go to the beach first.

The beaches were beautiful. I'm always surprised to find that the beaches aren't really sand, they are more like small river rocks. They hurt to walk on, I can't imagine trying to lay on them. And they absorb and radiate heat like a little oven. But, there was more of a sand feel closer to the water. This was the French Riviera. There were many locals at the beach with their families. There were bars and cafes lining the sidewalks along the beach. It was a beautiful morning to take a nice and easy walk along the beach. We spent about 30 minutes there before jumping back on the hokey little train to go to city center.

The city was more like a town. It had quaint narrow little streets lined with cafes and shops. There are apartment homes above with wooden shutters on the windows and small balconys with flowers of every color hanging down. It was the picture perfect little french town. The roads were cobblestone and brick and everything had an old world feel to it. We enjoyed holding hands and walking through the streets window shopping and people watching. We turned a corner and found a huge farmers market. They had everything you can imagine in the market. The fruits and vegetables were big and bright, beautiful colors. There was seafood and meats. There were artists selling their crafts. It seemed to go on forever and there were quite a few people here. I thought how wonderful it would be to live in one of these apartments in Toulon. To have a small place about the cafes and shops with a small balcony full of flowers and herbs. To be able to walk down to this amazing farmers market each weekend to gather fresh fruits and vegetables for cooking. The marina is just down the street with beautiful yachts and sailboats. The beach is a short bike ride away and there are many parks for kids and dogs. This is definitely a dog friendly town - we saw many yorkies which made me long for a cuddle from Ben. I sure do miss that little guy. If my life were different this would be an amazing way to live. We spent a few hours walking and taking pictures throughout the town. We stumbled upon a little brightly colored bakery. He had a display outside of macaroons of every flavor and color. Neither of us had ever had a real fresh macaroon before so we had to try them. We purchased a chocolate and a raspberry macaroon - I talked to the baker, he was very friendly and said this little shop was his dream and he is happy he had the opportunity to do this. We took our macaroons around the corner where we found a beautiful fountain where we could sit and eat. They were delicious! We wish we could've purchased more to bring home for everyone but they never would've made it. Let me just tell you the flavor was perfect not too sweet and the cookie just melted in your mouth. It was a delicious snack in the perfect location.

We had a beautiful day in Toulon before heading back to the ship. I haven't reported much on our activities while on the ship so let me digress a little to fill you in. We had this amazing room which was perfect for a 12 day cruise. Yes, it cost a pretty penny but for a trip like this is was worth every one of them. We both said we could've done this in a standard balcony cabin but it would've been much more cramped and a good chance we would've been in each others way often which inevitably leads to bickering. Don’t get me wrong 24/7 with one other person for 13 days is a lot and we had our moments but they were very short lived. Overall we enjoyed every moment in our suite. We enjoyed dinners in our room on nights when we were super tired and didn’t feel like dressing for the dining room. We also enjoyed room service breakfast on the early mornings. We had an espresso/cappuccino maker in our room - that was a nice bonus. The meals on the ship were pretty good. They often give you two full meals so you can taste everything. I didn’t eat much - not intentionally, either I had no appetite, I wasn’t feeling good, or the food just didn’t taste good to me. I think this is a continuing side effect of the chemo. I'm probably one of the very few people that managed to lose some weight while on a cruise. They definitely made food available at any time of the day or night. I actually felt bad for often wasting the food. But I guess that’s how it goes on a cruise. We did enjoy some of the specialty restaurants. You pay a cover charge for these restaurants but definitely worth it because the food quality is better. Roy loved the itallian place, La Tratorria. I think my favorite was the french place, Le Bistro (the crème brulee was amazeballs). Because we had to super suite we always had great tables at the window so we could watch the water go by and the sunset over the horizon. We were lucky enough to see many breath taking sunrises and sunsets from our large balcony. There were times that one of us would wake crazy early and go outside with a blanket and a cappucino and watch the sun come up over the horizon. It was beautiful. We have enjoyed various shows at the Stardust Theatre. Another perk that comes with the suite is reserved seating for all of the shows. This meant we didn’t have to show up early and sit there we could come in any time and have the best seats in the house. Many of the shows were as you would expect them to be on a cruise ship, but some were a pleasant surprise. They've thought of everything and we have enjoyed cruising with Norwegian.

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah

We docked at Livorno which is about a 20 minute train ride to Pisa and over an hour to Florence. We didn’t have any real plans today so we were on our own to discover everything the area had to offer. We signed up for a shuttle offered by the ship to take us to the train station. This could've been walked but it was quite a walk, worth the 12 euros to take the shuttle for sure. Last night I was woken up by my body in pain. I took some pain meds to help me sleep and hopefully ease my muscles a little. I've been taking slow release morphine twice a day to help with the general pain I'm experiencing, but this trip has pushed me over the edge. I've been pushing myself so hard the pain is sometimes unbearable and I find that it really catches up with me at night. So, I knew today was going to be a tough day and I needed to take it slow.

In true form the organization of the shuttle bus was crap. People were all over the place willy nilly. The workers were arguing over how to organize everything and the bus drivers were as frustrated as the passengers. But, I wasn’t going to let this start my day off wrong like it did in Rome so instead Roy and I started talking about what we wanted to do today. Neither of us really knew what was in Florence so we decided to start there and stop by Pisa on the way back to see the leaning tower. Finally we were on the shuttle and at the train station. We quadruple checked that we were on the correct train this time Funny now, not funny then. The train was nice and air conditioned, the seats were comfortable and it really didn’t matter that it was a full train. The ride took about an hour and a half to get to Florence.

When we exited the train station we walked right into Santa Maria Cathedral, a beautiful church. As I looked around I realized what a beautiful city Florence is with cobblestone streets and old world architecture. From here we walked to Il Duomo which is a beautiful domed church with stained glass throughout. We passed quite a few museums and various fountains and statues as we walked through the city. We found the remake of the statue of David - the real one was inside one of the museums, we decided not to go in but to keep walking and enjoying the sights, the remake would have to do. We went to Ponte Vecchio which is a famous bridge in Firenze (Florence). It was lined with jewelry and souvenir shops but a beautiful bridge none the less. We went to Palazzo Vecchio, Santa Croce, and La Cattedrale. We crossed the bridge to see one of the largest palaces in Europe. We again decided to forego going inside and continue our walking tour of the city. We did some shopping and enjoyed the sights.

We were both getting tired and I was crazy sore so we decided to catch the train to Pisa to check out the leaning tower. The train stopped at Pisa and continued on to Livorno where the boat is docked. Once we were settled on the train we realized there was no air conditioning - it was literally like being in a sauna fully dressed with strangers after walking the entire day through the city. We were on the train for an hour and a half. We decided to skip Pisa and go back to the ship. It had been a long day already and we were beat. We had also heard that there really isn't anything else in Pisa so it’s a quick stop that we just decided to skip all together.

We had a lovely day in Florence and found many treasures to bring home with us

Hugs and Smiles,Sarah

Hello everyone. I've been posting my writings from our trip so I haven't really broken in with much about how I'm doing now. Thought maybe it was time for one of these. As you know, we got back from our amazing adventure on Monday (9/9) and I had chemo on Tuesday (9/10). I'm still recovering from this chemo kick in the pants. This Doxil treatment is so much more brutal than any of the previous treatments I've taken. They tell me that this "should be" easier to handle, that I've "had worse"… but it sure doesn't feel like it.

The effects of Doxil just keep on giving. The first few days are generally ok, just tired. I had random eye weirdness which I already posted about. But, after that things kinda turned to shit. I am exhausted. I am nauseas. I don't want to eat. I'm getting mouth sores. I'm hot all the damn time. I hate this chemo. I'm a pretty tough chick and I've dealt with a lot and maybe just maybe I've actually hit my limit and I'm just tired of being a cancer patient. But, I gotta be honest that this one really sucks.

I also talk about side effects and follow it up with "but there's a pill for that". There was always something that would help calm a crappy side effect. All of the sudden none of my "tricks" are working. Lets start at the top: I'm exhausted. I don't know how to describe this for anyone who hasn't gone through chemo before. But it literally feels like every cell in my body just wants a nap. All the time. Mustering up the strength to do some of the things I do is tough to say the least. But, I manage to do it because I want to live my life, not nap it away. I try coffee, soda, red bull, whatever I can to "give me wings" and keep me going. But often times even these don't work. And part of why they don't work leads me to #2: I'm nauseas.

Ok, this isn't a little nauseas - this is a constant lingering nagging nausea. It's this feeling in my guts and my head that nags at me all day and makes me want to throw up all over the place. It's funny when I say it like that - but it's not so funny when you honestly feel that way all the time. When I sit and watch tv, when I drive, when I go grocery shopping, when I play ball with ben, when I type at my computer, when I try to sleep, when I'm awake - I'm nauseas. I do have some pills for this and we are trying various combinations of meds, but right now it's awful. It's gotten to the point where sometimes the nausea wins and I physically am getting sick. I'll be the first to get in line and say I do not like to throw up. I will literally do whatever I can to convince my body not to vomit - I hate it that much. But, there have been a few times in the past 2 and a half weeks that I haven't been able to fight it. It comes on crazy fast and hard and just takes over sometimes. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. This is probably the worst part for me right now. And it's ALL THE TIME. It's been almost 3 weeks since treatment and I still feel like a bag of poop.

Speaking of poop - nope, things are still not normal in that arena either. Better, but no where near normal. I'm taking laxatives so often I'm surprised they haven't questioned my purchases at the grocery store. It's ridiculous. And that's just to keep things moving. This may be crossing a line, but for anyone else out there that may be going through this you will understand. There is a fine line between constipation, movement, and diarrhea. Finding that balance is the awesome part. I am currently taking dulcolax 3 times a day on odd days and Miralax on even days. That seems to be working so far. But, the output is really skinny. This leads me to question how the disease is progressing in this area. I'm thinking there is stuff pushing on my colon causing the area to be more narrow. I'm not excited about what this will inevitably lead to…. But I'm not ready to really think about that - so for now I will just continue doing what I'm doing as long as it keeps working. Sigh.

Ok, I'm not going to continue to complain and bitch about all these crappy side effects. I hear so many people say "you're so strong" "your amazing" "I don't know how you do it"…. Frankly I don't know how I do it either sometimes. And I certainly have not been feeling strong or amazing lately - I feel like a lazy sick person and I do not like it! So, no I am not strong, I am just doing what I need to do to survive. I'm continuing to fight this battle with everything I can muster - but it certainly doesn't seem amazing lately. It just seems like crap, it kinda seems like I'm starting to lose and I'm not ok with that. I feel like I'm in a video game fighting off these bad cancer cells. But the game never ends. And my strength bar is in the red zone. I need some power ups!

Just wanted everyone to know that if I've been a little more distant lately it's not intentional - it's just… well, chemo. Apparently these are going to hit harder - so I need to figure out balance so I can deal with it appropriately and still live my life. This is the hard part… but I will figure it out. I'll keep ya posted.

Sending hugs and mustering up smiles

Sarah

Today we docked the ship at Civitavecchia Italy in what looks like a very industrial port. Norwegian provided a free shuttle from the ship to the port exit. The organization of the shuttles was not very well planned. In fact it was chaos and rather frustrating for two people that are, for the most part, organized and structured. You make a plan and you execute - these guys know they need shuttle service for over 1000 people and we found them to have a just "wing it" approach. This was extra frustrating because we had booked a Segway tour at 9:30a so we needed to catch the first train. But whatever… eventually we got on a shuttle and got to the port exit. Now we had to find the train station. This was one of the days that we did not hire a private driver/guide. I read beforehand that Rome is very congested and many of the sites are close together and easy to walk. I knew I would be tired by the time this day came around so when I found the Segway Tour I thought this was the perfect solution! We would be able to see all the major sites in a few hours. So off we went. The train station was about 4 blocks away. We missed the first train… we had the choice of either finding a cab and trying to make it in time or skipping the segway tour and exploring on our own. A taxi would have cost us a pretty penny and we still would have been super rushed so we got our tickets and boarded the train to the city. The train ride took about an hour and it was packed, mostly with other cruisers like us.

I felt like the morning started off pretty chaotic and at this point I was kinda pissed/disappointed that we missed the segway tour - I was really looking forward to this. And I had to face the reality that this was going to be another big walking day and I was already exhausted. The days were piling up and all the walking was definitely getting to me by now but I was determined to keep going, I didn't want to miss a thing. On the train ride we looked at the map to try to formulate a Plan B. We booked a tour of the Vatican and Sistine Chapel for early afternoon (which would've been perfect had we made the segway tour) but now this was kind of a burden to try to plan around. We had to pick and choose which sites we wanted to see and how to get to them quickly.

We headed toward the Coliseum first because we figured that would be the busiest place. Good call on our part, it was already chaos - I can only imagine how much crazier this area became later in the day. As we were walking we turned a corner and there it was at the end of the road, the Coliseum. I was having a hard time believing that this was the real thing. I honestly never imagined in my life that I would get to see Rome and the Coliseum and here I was… It was awesome. As we got closer it got bigger and more impressive. Finally we had the entire structure in view and we just stopped and took it all in. Wow! This was an amazing site. And it was quite crowded. We saw a huge line of people waiting to get tickets to go inside. There was a moment that Roy thought we just walk around it and not enter because the line was going to take forever but we decided we couldn’t come this far and not go in. There were two lines… one for buying tickets and the other for picking up reserved tickets I'm sure you can imagine that the line to buy tickets was ridiculous long while the other line had no one in it. We did as we were told and got in the stupid long line. As we started moving someone working there told us all to merge together and kind of create a herd rather than a line. This is when frustration started setting in again. Here we were in the middle of a cultural melting pot of people - some yell at each other, some barely speak at all, some choose not to wear deodorant, some don’t believe in personal space, some are pushy, and kids are universally snotty. Now there was no sense of order as people were just mushing together into a large mass while waiting for tickets in what appeared to be at least a 2 hour line. I took an Ativan (anti-anxiety pill). Then I decided to pop into the other line to see what was happening at the front of the line. To my surprise there were two open windows that were for "reservations and audio guides" with maybe two people in line and on the side where our "mass" of a line was there was one window that was barely keeping up. Der… who decided this was a good idea? So I jumped in the 2 person line just to see what would happen. So far no one stopped me. At this point Roy had said screw it and walked into a different line where there were maybe 10 people ahead of him. I got to the window and asked for 2 passes, no problem, paid and walked away. What?!?!? I just cut in front of over 200 people I'm guessing. What a stupid system. So I went back and got Roy who had no idea what I had just done but was happy to get out of the line. LOL I gave him his ticket and we walked in high fiving each other along the way. Inside was just as impressive as the outside. I'ts amazing how much of this structure is still preserved. You can actually imagine how the seats were set up. The main stage area is gone so you can see the structures below where the men and animals were kept. It was really an awesome sight. We spent some time walking around the main floor and the second floor just taking in all the history here.

Across from the Coliseum was the Palatino and the Roman Forum. The tickets I purchased gave us access to these as well so we headed there next. The Palatino was the central aqueduct of the Roman Empire. This was the center of the entire system. It provided hot and cold water to the houses and allowed for working toilets and walls heated by steam. It was quite impressive. We walked around to the Forum where many columns and ruins of buildings remain intact. It was amazing to be able to walk through this entire area and imagine all the history that took place here.

Next we started walking in the direction of the Vatican and came across a Music Museum or hall of some kind. It was crazy beautiful… columns, statues, water features, and everything else you could imagine of a truly roman building. There were statues of chariots and horses all over - it was full of beautiful architecture. I can't believe I'm actually going to make this comparison but it kind of reminded me of caesars palace in Las Vegas - but it was real and much bigger! We were getting closer to our tour time for the vatican and Sistine chapel, we looked at the map and realized we were still pretty far away so we jumped in a cab.

We were in the cab when he turned a corner and there was the vatican - whoa! It took my breath away. I don’t even know how to describe it but to say it was much larger than I ever imagined. It was all white and gold and just overwhelming. The taxi dropped us off in the front of the vatican area. The tickets for the tour said to meet at the museum. I had no freakin idea where the museum was but I figured as with any other site like this there would be signs directing us to the museum. Nothing. Not a sign anywhere. But, there was a line. So we got in it and just hoped it was what we were looking for because we literally had 5 minutes before the tour started. Let me also add here that it was a hot day in Rome, it was crowded, and we had already been frustrated by the lack of organization everywhere we went. At this point Roy was pretty frustrated with me for not knowing where the museum was and I was pretty frustrated in general that it was so hard to find. We got through this line only to get more frustrated when they told us this wasn’t where the museum was and we needed to exit. That’s it, just exit. No further direction. Now we were both pretty fired up. A younger guy approached and asked what we were trying to find and I horribly kind of snapped at him a little - not intentionally just the whole situation had me on edge. He was super nice and helped us find our way - I thanked him profusely and off we went. We were now in a huge rush and turns out we had to walk pretty much all the way around the vatican. The museum is on the outside of the vatican - ugh! We finally found it just in time, the tour had already started. There were about 30 people in the tour and about a million people in the museum so they gave us an audio thing with a headset so we could hear the guide. The first hour was spent looking at pictures of the art that is in the Sistine Chapel and describing what every little detail meant. Snooze fest! This was not at all what I was anticipating and my frustration level was already at max capacity so I went to ask someone if this is what the tour consisted of? She explained that they do this because when you do get to the chapel there is no speaking allowed so they want to cover the facts ahead of time. This made a little more sense but an hour? Ugh. So Roy and I sat on the floor at the back and waited to move on. We went through the museum and she explained again much of the meaning within the beautiful art we were seeing on the walls. Much of it painted by famous artists like Michelangelo. This was not at all what I was expecting of this tour but on we went. We finally got to the Sistine Chapel at the last 5 minutes of a 2 hour tour. It was beautiful. I can't even begin to describe it. Every inch is covered in Michelangelo's murals. From here we were able to enter the basilica (the vatican church). Holy cow this was amazing. Sculptures, murals, art, mosaics, tiles, gold, white, candles, pews, and on and on… this was a beautiful sight to see.

After this it was time to head back to the train station for the hour long ride back to port. Thanks to Ro'ys GPS he navigated the way fairly easily. We did a good job figuring out the train schedules and platform systems so we stood on the platform and waited. We saw other couples and families from our cruise ship there as well. There were many announcements made throughout the station in Italian so who knows what they were saying. A few minutes later two trains pulled into the station one at our platform and one at the platform behind us. There were a lot of people waiting to get on the train all of the sudden and everyone crowded together. People were coming off while the rest of us were pushing to get on. Roy was behind me nudging me forward. I was stepping into the train when all of the sudden I heard Roy shout my name, I turned around and he was no longer behind me but I was stuck in a crowd of people pushing me into the train. I finally spotted him standing on the platform telling me to get off the train. I was confused and frankly quite panicked at this point because I didn’t know how I was going to get off the train. Finally, out of character, I pushed people out of my way and got off the train to where Roy was. He said I was in a cold sweat. Yup, I believe it, I was kinda freaked. Especially after he told me that they changed platforms for our train and I was about to go to Pisa on a crowded train, by myself! Phew, disaster thwarted. Once we were on the correct train I was able to laugh about it and said I didn't know what I would do if I had actually ended up on that train alone. I think I would've found a seat, gotten into the fetal position and just rocked back and forth. LOL. But no worries, all ended fine. We got on the correct train and made it back to the ship on time.

Rome was beautiful and full of amazing history. We saw sites that I never imagined I would get to see. But, it was a super frustrating day. I was on edge at all times. I don’t think I ever relaxed during this day. Every muscle was tense. When we got back to our room I crashed and took over an hour nap - I only woke because Roy nudged me for dinner. It was quite a day.

Hugs and Frustration,

Sarah

Today we had the entire day (8a - 6:30p) to explore the Napoli area of Italy. In true form we booked a private driver/guide for the day. This has truly made our experience first class - no waiting, we are at our own pace, we are not forced to see or do things we would rather not do. This is by far the best way to make the most of your time on a trip like this.

Our driver, Vinchento, was waiting for us when we arrived. He was very nice and knew his stuff. We started our day by visiting Pompei. This is a large town that is still in the process of being excavated - they think they are about halfway through. What they have uncovered represents an extraordinary wealth of architectures, sculptures, paintings, and mosaics. Mount Vesuvius, which stands above the Pompei area, erupted in 79 A.D. and buried the city with ash and rock. This allowed an exceptional preservation of the whole Roman city. They even uncovered human bodies that appeared to be frozen in time. This is a little breathtaking to see. But, quite an experience to be able to walk through this old city. We spent two hours exploring Pompei. As we were leaving busloads of people were entering the area - phew, just beat the crown to this one!

Next we drove along the Sorrento coast to the town of Sorrento. This drive was unbelievable. First, if you've never been a passenger in a car with a local driving in Italy you’ve got to try it. Its like a crazy rollercoaster ride, keeps you on the edge of your seat at all times. They all know they drive like crazy people but somehow it just works. The roads are narrow and wind along the coast line. Because there is no parking anywhere people just park along the road which makes the roads even more narrow. But, that was not enough to distract from the amazing views along the drive. There were cliffs, flowers, and fantastic views of the sea. We passed many resorts and residences along the coast that were built to just hang on the side of the cliffs. We arrived in Sorrento and our driver dropped us off with a plan to meet him an hour later for lunch. The town is pretty much just narrow cobblestone walkways of shops, bars, and cafes. It was nice to window shop and stroll through the town. The area is very rich in agriculture but one of their pride crops is the lemon. These are the largest lemons I have ever seen in my life - they were practically the size of footballs. This is where limencello comes from, in fact I learned 2 things about limencello: 1 - it's actually made from the oils in the rind of the lemon rather than the actual juice and 2 - although it is crazy yummy it gives me killer heartburn. Lesson learned. The town was full of lemon items for sale: candles, soaps, lotions, you name it they can make it out of lemon. They are also know for the red coral found in the water off the coast. There were pieces of art and jewelry everywhere made from this very expensive coral. Later we met Venchento who took us to a great little local spot for lunch. Sorrento is also known for creating the pizza so we had to try it while we were here. We enjoyed local beer and calzones. It was super delicious. These were by far the best calzones we've ever had. Yum! We both agreed that we would enjoy coming back to Sorrento to visit for a few days and stay in one of the cliff's edge hotels.

We left Sorrento and drove along the Amalfi Coast to the little town of Positano. This was similar to Sorrento but much smaller and had a beach. We walked down a series of hills and stairs to get to the beach below. The "beach" was clearly man-made as it consisted of dirt/sand and small river rock type rocks. It was CRAZY hot at the beach. It's kind of in a cove so it doesn’t get the breeze. And I reached down to pick up some rocks and found that they were insane hot! The heat just radiates off of them making an area that is already hot even hotter!!!! But the people apparently don’t mind because the place was packed. The views were spectacular, there were many yachts and sailboats along the coast. It was too hot for us so we headed back up… and up… and up… so much for a relaxing day today. We pretty much walked all day! My legs and feet are exhausted. But it was totally worth it.

It was time to head back to the ship. We enjoyed a great day in the Napoli area. This was one of my favorites of the entire trip.

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah

We were at sea the morning of Day 7 and arrive at the Greek island of Mykonos at 1:00pm. This was a free day for us. I did research on the island and found that the main attractions are all within walking distance. Yahira (our concierge) escorted us off the ship and onto the first shuttle bus taking people into town. This was a huge perk today. Since we docked later in the day everyone was up and about and wanted off the ship at the same time. It was a little mad house. They actually closed the gangways for a while to let people off in chunks instead of all at once. Anyway, we are lucky to have Yahira as an amazing perk with our suite.

The shuttle took us to the center of town and we were free to explore. Roy and I decided to get a lay of the land and seek out a few must see places on the island. First we went to the Church of Paraportiani. It's located in a quite part of Mykonos and is worth a visit. It now is a combination of 5 church structures together overlooking the sea. Its exactly what you would expect on a greek island. All white with a bell and cross at the top of the blue dome. It was very pretty. Next we went to Little Venice. This was my favorite part and Roy's least favorite. It’s a labyrinth of narrow walkways with little shops and artist studios on both sides. The higher stories of the building were condos or apartments with a variety of bright colored balconies and flowers hanging down. The island looked just as I expected but it was a little dirty. That was disappointing but fairly easy to look past. We walked all through little Venice and ended up at the windmills. This is really cool. There are 6 old windmill structures standing but are now non-functional. Its on top of a hill so it provides beautiful views of the sea and the island. We did a little more walking and shopping. I stumbled upon a local artist that makes and paints ceramics. She does beautiful work so I went in to take a look around. She was a very nice lady (as were all the locals btw) and we talked about many of her pieces. We ended up purchasing a few to bring home. We have found many wonderful treasures on this trip that are so meaningful. Every time I use the dish I purchased here I will think of the artist and our conversations. We strolled back toward the shore to find a restaurant to enjoy some authentic greek food before leaving. We found a perfect spot right on the water at the main drag which provided some great people watching ;). We enjoyed greek beer and gyros - the perfect ending to another beautiful day in the Mediterranean.

Day 8 was our last full day at sea. The timing was perfect because I was long overdue for a break. I've been pushing myself extremely hard to do all these things. It's all catching up to me. I'm sore and exhausted. Sleep on the ship is ok - it gets noisy so if I wake up for some reason it can be challenging to get back to sleep. But last night I could've slept through pirates invading our ship or something crazy like that! Lol!

Our day at sea was pretty leisurely. We hit some golf balls - this is pretty cool - there is a net and target set up on the top deck so you can hit some balls. I treated myself to a shellac manicure - supposedly it won't chip for 14 days (we'll see!). (note: this was a big fat failure, it started chipping and peeling within 3 days - I had them give me a refund) It was nice just to be pampered a little We went to another art auction just to check it out. It's fun because it's something I would never do at home and I really enjoy seeing the art and learning more about each piece. They have some beautiful pieces on board. We decided to have BBQ by the pool for lunch today. I enjoyed a pina colada with mine (cuz it's not really a vacation until you’ve had a pina colada - der!). We sat on the top deck and people watched for a while before deciding to play a little scrabble. It was a nice day. Then we ended the day with a yummy dinner at the french restaurant and a show at the theatre. The show was pretty impressive - it was two older mexican gentlemen that played a variety of instruments from all over the world. They had flutes, guitars, and drums of all shapes and sizes. I was surprised to find how much I enjoyed it… some of these instruments had to be super difficult to play and the music was beautiful.

I combined these two days for one post because they were both pretty laid back. Mykonos was a ton of walking but at least it was a shorter day. And the day at sea was a good recouperate and relax day. Just what I needed.

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah

When I booked this trip my only hesitation was visiting Turkey. Istanbul is the only city in the world that spans two continents - Europe and Asia. I had images in my head of a very dirty, crowded, violent city. Needless to say, my expectations were very low and I felt very guarded when disembarking and entering Istanbul. We hired a private guide to take us through the city (no car, just walking). The plan was for him to meet us at 8:30a at the port. We were able to get off the ship by 15 after 8 and our guide was no where to be found. We waited about 20 minutes before getting frustrated. By 8:45a I decided to go back to our cabin to look up his number. By the time I got back to Roy the guide had appeared - not a great start but at least he showed up. His name is Borat and he seemed a little stand offish at first. I was hesitant… not only because of the image I had of Istanbul but now our guide seemed a little cold so my expectations of this being a good day were even lower.

We walked a couple blocks to catch the train into the main area of the city. There were people around but not shoulder to shoulder - I was relieved by this, but Borat was still awfully quiet. Once we got to town and off the train he started opening up a little and we discussed our plan for the day. There is a ton to see and do in Istanbul so we needed to narrow it down to our top must see sights. Borat suggested we start with an ancient aqueduct so off we went. To my surprise the city was not dirty and not as crowded as I anticipated.

He took us to a small brick building (I mean SMALL) and we purchased tickets to enter, this was The Basilica Cistern Yerebatan Sarnici. The building basically housed two flights of stairs - up and down. As we started down the stairs I heard calming turkish music playing and then we saw it… It was beautiful. There were over 300 marble columns and dome like ceiling between them made of brick. There was about 2-3 feet of water throughout. The lighting was dim but just enough to highlight the beautiful architecture and carvings on each column. This was built by the Byzantine Emperor Justian between 527-565. It has the capacity to hold 100,000 tons of water. Many of the columns were repurposed from older structures while some were built specifically for the cistern. It was beautiful. They built a walkway throughout and as we explored Borat began teaching us about not only this place but also the history of Turkey. So far I am extremely impressed with the extent of information that each of our guides have shared with us. As we walked further into the cistern there were 2 columns that were completely exposed from the water.  They had sculptures at the base of the columns that were medusa heads. Mythology of Medusa says if you look her in the eyes you would turn to stone so they placed one of the sculptures upside down and the other on its side so the workers would not look her in the eye. This was a great way to begin our adventure in Istanbul.

From here Borat walked us over to the Hippodrome. This is where they held chariot races. It was cool to be able to go to these places and while Borat would explain the history and tell us about the area I would try to envision everything as it was back then. It's amazing to think of all the history that happened in the very spot we were standing. They have 3 pillars now standing in the area, each having its own purpose and history.

Next we walked to the Blue Mosque. This was a beautiful building from the outside I was excited to see what the inside held. The mosque was built for Sultan Ahmed between 1609-1617 (the construction took about 7.5 years). Sultan Ahmed ascended to the throne at age 14 and was only 19 when he commissioned to build this great mosque. There was a short line to enter the mosque and it was required that all women wear a scarf over your head and shoulders and knees could not be bared. I knew this ahead of time and brought my own scarf and dressed appropriately. All I can say is Wow as we entered the mosque. It was a piece of art! The ceilings were huge and covered in beautiful tile mosaics. At the time this was built hand painted art was not allowed so they used various sized and colored tiles to create these masterpieces. The mosque is still being used today for prayer so tourists were only allowed in about 1/3 of the space for viewing. There were arches, domes, art, writings of the Koran throughout. Borat educated us on not only the structure but also the religion and practices. They are required to cleanse themselves before entering the building for prayer and they must pray 5 times a day. There were people praying while we were there.

From the Blue Mosque we walked to Hagia Sophia. This was originally built as a Christian church but was eventually taken over by the Ottomans and converted to a mosque. Today it stands as a museum. Again the structure of the building from the outside was amazing. As we entered I was in complete awe. There were beautiful tile mosaics with more detail than we saw in the Blue Mosque. There were quite a few tourists here but the building was large enough that we never really felt crowded. Borat had opened up a lot more by now and we were learning a ton from him. Apparently the mosaics were placed by the Christians and when the ottomans took over they did not want all the depictions that were in the existing art so they covered all of it in plaster. I can't even imagine! So, as the building was restored they found these mosaics and began the process of removing the plaster. In some regard the plaster actually helped to preserve the tile work. It was like nothing I've ever seen before - absolutely breathtaking. There was some restoration in process but we were able to explore the first and second floors. This is definitely a must see if you ever visit the area.

Next up was a short walk through some of the residential areas. There were beautiful cobblestone pathways throughout. The buildings were close together but very pretty and flowers blooming everywhere. We arrived at Topkapi Palace which is now a museum. Having Borat was awesome here not only to explain to us what everything was but there were huge lines to buy tickets and he was able to go directly to the front of the line. So far we really have not had to wait in lines very often. The Palace had three main gates each leading to a different area of the palace. We were able to tour a majority of the buildings. It was said that there were up to 5,000 servants throughout the palace for the sultan and his family. Some sultans had up to 60 children and many wives! I could envision the fat lazy bastard lounged out on his royal pillows being pampered and served whatever he wished. Lol It was quite the palace, full of anything you could imagine. As we went from room to room the crowds began catching up with us. What I figured out was that we had been staying ahead of them until now. And when I say crowds I mean hundreds of people from all over the world together in this palace. Some cultures are quite aggressive meaning they would literally shove me out of the way to stand right in front of me. This was extremely frustrating to me and slightly claustrophobic. This was the shoulder to shoulder experience I was dreading. I also know that this is a huge area for pick pockets and thieves so I was on guard at all times. By now I was getting exhausted and this was becoming less enjoyable. I have been pushing myself pretty hard this trip and this was an all walking day. We found a balcony area with gorgeous views of the city and sea where we took a break and enjoyed the scenery. While we were standing in Europe we could look across the water and see Asia - this was pretty cool. There was a nice cool breeze that came through and we were in the shade - I could have stayed here all day just taking it all in. But after about 20 minutes it was time to continue on - still more to see.

We left the palace and headed to the Spice Bazaar. It was Sunday so the Grand Bazaar was closed but Borat explained this was kind of the next best thing. I've heard of the Spice Bazaar many times and was excited to see it in person. Before we entered the bazaar we stopped for lunch at a little Kebab place just outside the entrance. The food was good not great but it was a good experience and a nice break to get off our feet for awhile. The Spice Bazaar was really cool. Long hallways of high brick ceilings in dome and arch structures. There were vendors on both sides one right after the other. There were spices, foods, scarves, clothing, knick knacks, and almost anything you can think of. When we started in the bazaar I was happy to find that it was a little more open and not so many people. I wanted to pop my head into almost every shop but Roy and Borat were not as excited about this idea so I limited myself to only a couple of stops. Borat was kind enough to do the haggling of prices for us and get us a good bargain on our purchases. I picked up a few items.

After the Bazaar it was time to head back to the ship. We took the train back to port. I was so glad we had Borat with us for this adventure. I can't imagine touring the city on our own and as I mentioned we don’t really have the patience for the big bus tours of people. This was the perfect way to experience the city for us. My vision of Istanbul was quite different than the real thing. The people were not aggressive (for the most part and not including the tourists) and the city was clean. It was a pleasant surprise and a lovely day.

*I have to add now that we are home and I have been watching the news and everything that is happening in Syria I feel lucky that we were there just in time. This was the day before the violence started in Syria. Borat educated us on the history between Turkey and Syria and because it is so close it continues to have an impact on the country today. I think we visited just in time

Hugs and Smiles,

Sarah