Life's Journey

Last week was my first chemo since the holidays and it was a "big" one. I almost forgot how much chemo sucks. Ha! Unfortunately my blood work came back with super low WBC (this means my immune system is crashing again). Now, how this happens after two weeks off from chemo I'm not sure. I have to assume it's because of my wicked cold after the Vegas trip. But, here I am… low counts mean… that's right - bone pain shots. Ugh, stomp, sigh. I would be pulling my hair if I had some - hee hee (I couldn't resist that one). I had to go into the doctor's office Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday just to get a shot each day - lucky me! Ugh, these little shots sure pack a big punch. Bone pain is not something I wish for anyone, there's no escaping it and it makes me freakishly aware of all the bones in my body. Hopefully I don't have to do it again next week. Although I have been sneezing, sniffling and coughing a lot lately. We will see, next treatment is Tuesday, fingers crossed.

I keep track of my daily medications, food, and stuff in a binder that I created because, as I've mentioned in other posts, I miss my Trapper Keeper. I built spreadsheets, color coordinated, and three-hole punched everything. While filling in today's sheet, I realized that this is my 60th day into treatment. My first chemo this time around was 60 days ago exactly. Man, time plays tricks with you. It sure doesn't seem like it's been 60 days. I've had a lot of people ask me how long I'll need to be on chemo. The answer is as long as possible. The hope is that the chemo keeps the cancer at bay and maybe if I'm lucky shrinks the existing spots. We will keep doing that as long as my body can take it. Hopefully I get a break in there somewhere, but I'm just taking it one 3-week cycle at a time. Next week will be week 2 of this cycle and I'm booked through mid February. That's when we will run a comparison PET Scan to see how effective this treatment has been. Initially we planned on doing this in late January but because I recently missed two weeks of treatment we decided to go through 6 straight weeks of treatment before running a comparison. I have an appointment in a few weeks with another oncology doctor that specializes in experimental and clinical trials. Dr. Borst recommended that I see him to discuss any potential trials that I qualify for, this may give me something else to try. But, until then, chemo it is.

I've also had a lot of people reach out and ask how I'm feeling. I'd say considering I've had 60 days of chemo I'm feeling pretty good. I think the most frustrating thing is how crazy tired I am or how quickly I become tired. I've always been the go out and enjoy kind of gal. I miss mountain biking, hiking, tennis, and golf. I'm going to try golfing when it warms up a little, but I think the others are no longer on my list of current activities. I get tired and winded just going upstairs - lol (btw, that's funny cuz it's true). Sometimes I stand at the bottom of the stairs and question if I really need to go up, it seems like the longest flight of stairs ever. Beyond the fatigue the nausea gets me sometimes. I wear a sancuso patch for nausea - it's the best defender - replace it every week so I just always have one on. But sometimes I get break through nausea so I take something to supplement the patch and it usually passes. Since this is the start of a new year our health insurance reset and we are again responsible for 100% of medical expenses til we meet our deductible. I was hit with the full bill for 2 sancuso patches! Ouch! My jaw definitely dropped when I heard how much these cost, but it's my best defense so warm up the credit cards!  I could go on and on about the various side effects, but these are really the biggies or the most annoying. The other stuff is all manageable. It's really amazing how the body learns to accept things or tolerate things as the new norm, you just adjust somehow.

On a lighter note, I am excited that I am going to cross more off my bucket list this week. On Monday, Dean and I are going to a Glassblowing Class. I'm looking forward to trying something new. And this is something I've always wanted to try. It's a two hour class and we get to keep what we make. Thank you to one of my angels for making this happen for me. And, on Friday I am attempting to catch a fish and let it go! I have dear friends that have set up a great day of fishing together. Even if I don't catch something it's going to be a great day! I can't wait to show off pictures next week.

There it is… the highs and lows of the week. Not too much to shout about, but thanks to many of you I have much to look forward to. Having another adventure on the horizon means more than I can begin to explain.

Sending hugs and smiles,

Sarah

Here it is… 2013! I’m calling this “The Year of Adventure”! There is a lot of fun to be done this year for sure. And I’m excited to say that I have already crossed another item off my bucket list. Huge thanks go out to a group of angels who helped make this one happen!

Roy and I went to Las Vegas to celebrate the New Year. We met my dad and his wife Marjorie in Vegas. She also had her niece and nephew in from Brazil for the trip. Roy and I stayed at Caesars’ Palace in an amazing room! I am sending huge hugs to everyone that helped make that possible. And when we got there I was given a card/gift from another group of angels that helped make our trip a blast! Thank you thank you!

The first night we went to a Gordon Ramsey restaurant in Caesars – it’s an English Pub & Grill. It was really good. Then we did a little gambling and drinking before calling it a night. The next day was Sunday so we went straight to the Sports Book to place some bets on the games that day. Wow, btw, that was a big fat fail – none of us came out winners. Then we met up with everyone and walked over to the Miracle Mile shops at Planet Hollywood. Roy found a sports bar while the rest of us did a little shopping. We didn’t make it too far – I was beat. We walked back and it was nap time before meeting up again for dinner. We had dinner at my favorite steakhouse on the strip – Carne Vino in the Palazzo. Yummy! It was delicious; we had a really nice dinner together. Then it was off for more drinking and gambling. I did not go to bed a winner that night, but sure had fun trying. 

The next day was New Year’s Eve and we slept in a little and wandered down to find a fantastic little breakfast spot. I highly recommend this for anyone visiting Vegas, it’s a tiny French bistro in Caesars called Payard. You should definitely make a reservation if you plan to go. But, they make eggs benedict on croissant and it was awesome! That was a great way to start the day. Then we walked over to the Mirage where my dad and all were staying and did a little more gambling before I crashed and realized it was time for a nap. I slept for a few hours that day knowing that I would be up late. We all got dressed up for the night and met for show time! We went to see Cirque du Soleil’s Beatle’s Love! I had seen it before and said it was my favorite on the strip so my dad treated us to the show – it was just as good the second time around. This is another that I would highly recommend if you go to Vegas. We had a great time and then went to a great little Italian restaurant in Mirage.

They blocked off the streets on the strip at 6pm and the crowds were crazy. Everyone had hats, horns, sparkles and drinks! We spent some time in the casino drinking and gambling. Roy and I found a new favorite table game “Let it Ride” that Marjorie introduced us to – we were quickly hooked. Roy had beginners luck while I lost from the start – but again, had a ton of fun trying  All the New Year’s chaos started moving outside with a few random concerts, fireworks were scheduled to go off and the crowds were forming. We decided that going outside in the 40 degree weather – whoa it was cold – was not the best plan for me. So, my dad planned ahead and booked a corner room on the 25th floor at the Mirage. He had views of the entire strip from up there. We made a trip to Walgreens earlier in the day and bought a bunch of booze and snacks. We all headed up to his room to ring in the New Year. It was a lot of fun, we drank, we laughed, we watched all the chaos and fireworks from the warmth of our room. Then we headed back down for a little more gambling before calling it a night. I was exhausted after all this and knew that Roy and I had to be up early. We were booked for a helicopter tour to the Grand Canyon! I thought this would be a great adventure to kick off 2013.

We were picked up by a limo and taken to the helicopter pad. Our flight took us over Hoover Dam and Lake Mead before entering the Grand Canyon. I’ve been to the Canyon many times and stood at the South Rim, hiked a little ways, but never went too far. Roy has hiked rim to rim and loved it. But, seeing it from this perspective was totally different and we were both in awe. Then we landed down in the Canyon by the Colorado River – breath taking! We had a champagne picnic and took a ton of photos before taking off to head back. We flew along the strip before going back to the helicopter pad. It really was a great way to kick off the New Year.

Later we met up with everyone and headed out to Fremont Street to check it out. If you’ve never been there before I can tell you it is basically the old version of the strip. The Golden Nugget and other iconic casinos are there. They have built a huge overhead light show that’s pretty cool to see. And… they almost want to give you money! LOL This was the last night of our trip and of all the gambling I did – this was the first night I won! We had a great time on Fremont. We went back to Mirage and won a little more before calling it a night. It was a close one, but I ended up leaving Vegas a winner… not by much, but totally worth telling  The next day was our flight home. It’s a quickie – 45 minutes in the air – but flying anywhere near a holiday is always chaotic. And to kick it off I woke up with the start of a cold – the scratchy throat and sniffles. By the time we were sitting in the airport I was coughing and my chest was tight. When we finally got home I needed a nap.

We had a fantastic trip. We ate great food, we drank (a lot), we gambled, we laughed, we saw fireworks, we rang in the New Year, and we had a ton of fun! This was a bucket list item that was over the top! And, in true form, I pushed myself too hard. By the time it was time for bed that night I was shivering from a fever and felt horrible. I’ve been fighting this damn cold since. Roy is convinced I have pneumonia. I had to miss chemo this week which in itself is stressful – that’s two weeks without treatment – ugh. Hopefully I kick this thing soon and get back on track. Next treatment is scheduled for Tuesday. Never thought I’d say this but, fingers crossed for treatment.

Hope everyone had a great New Year’s celebration!

Sending hugs and smiles,
Sarah

Christmas came and went by so quickly this year...  I feel like I missed it.  It was a pretty quiet holiday which was probably a good thing, but I was missing something this year.  We hung the lights outside, we trimmed the tree, we bought and wrapped gifts, we looked at Christmas lights, the weather got colder, we made cookies, we listed to holiday music...  but somehow, I feel like it just breezed by...

Well, next up: New Year's!  We are headed to the airport in 15 minutes....  Las Vegas here we come!  I'm really looking forward to this getaway - and Vegas for New Year's sounds like a blast!    We will be there til the 2nd so not sure if I'll be posting for awhile...  but I can only fill you in on so much when I get back cuz "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" ya know!

Hope everyone had a great holiday and a safe and fun-filled New Year!  See you in 2013!

Sending hugs and smiles,
Sarah

This week has been another “small” treatment week. These are much easier to get through. I think the biggest side effect is lethargy. I am so freakin tired. I’m learning how to deal with it, but it’s super frustrating for me. I just want to get out and live… it’s hard to remind myself to slow down sometimes. In fact, this week was a perfect example. On Wednesday night I went out with a group of girlfriends. Everyone came here around 6p for drinks and finger foods and then we walked around our neighborhood to look at Christmas lights. Our neighborhood is amazing at the holidays. Everyone puts up lights and it’s become a sort of silent competition with everyone trying to out “griswald” the other.  After the Christmas festivities we all went out to dinner at an Asian Fusion restaurant at a casino nearby. Well, many of you know that I have a weakness for sake bombers. So… of course I had a few while I was there. We were having a great time. After dinner we decided to do a little gambling while we were there… I mean, why not right? But, you can’t gamble empty handed so more beer was in order. Next thing I knew it was 12:30a and I was $60 ahead, it was time to go. I had a little too much… and here’s the lesson… don’t go out and party it up the night before chemo. Der! So many errors in judgment involved here. I was ridiculously hung over Thursday morning… I mean it was rough! I can’t remember the last time I felt that hung over. The very last thing in the world I wanted to do was get up and go to chemo. UGH! Then I got a little paranoid that maybe they couldn’t give me chemo because I was so hungover. I texted Supernurse Michele and told her my error in judgement (btw – I was really mad at myself at this point – I mean what a stupid thing to do) and asked her if this was going to be an issue with treatment. She lol’d me and said no, actually it will help your hangover. Phew. That was a relief. So when I got there for treatment word spread quickly and all the nurses had to come over and throw in a few funny jabs. And they hooked me up to a bag of IV fluids right away. Within 30 min I was feeling a ton better. They gave me a lot of extra fluids that day, nausea preventative, and anti anxiety meds to help with everything. So, lesson learned, this was a good example of what not to do. But, sometimes you just gotta let loose and have a little fun!

Ok, switching to a more exciting topic… I’m amazed, humbled, and overwhelmed by the following my Bucket List has received. There are so many angels out there that have given me over-the-top contributions to help me check off my list. I want to tell you all about all of it because it’s so exciting… but I’m instead going to share a month at a time  I’ve also updated the actual Bucket List page so you know what’s in progress and will update the calendar as things get booked.

The first item on my list is “Give one random act of kindness every day!” – I have made an effort every day since building my list to be sure that I do this. I must say that I was happy to realize that this is something I generally do anyway so it’s easy to achieve  I also have a dear angel that found a book for me called Random Acts of Kindness – a daily journal. It’s awesome, it’s a book of suggested acts of kindness and I can write little notes in it. I look through it every morning to have things to keep in mind. I encourage everyone to try to do this. I have found that it makes me really happy to do these things and gives me something positive to think about throughout the day.

Another item on my list is to “Spend New Year’s in Las Vegas”. I am so excited to say that I will be crossing this off the list next week! Thanks to an amazing group of angels Roy and I are headed to Vegas to celebrate the New Year. We are staying in an amazing room at Caesars! I definitely could not have pulled this room off on my own it’s awesome! We are meeting my Dad and Marjorie and some of her family as well. It will be a fantastic weekend. Definitely something to look forward to! That will be a fun bucket list blog update when we get back.

I also have “Go to a taping of the Ellen Show” listed, I really thought this was a long shot because I know how hard it is to get tickets. Amazingly there are a few angels out there that have a connection to this show. Yesterday in my mail I found a letter from the Ellen Show notifying me that there are 4 tickets reserved in my name for the January 31st taping!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!! I’m going to see Ellen! Who knew that would happen?!?!?! The show will air on February 1st, watch for me in the audience! I can’t wait to see who’s on the show. I always DVR her show and watch it later in the day or save them up so I have a smile when I need it. That’s the thing about Ellen that I love so much, even if I’m having a crappy day after treatment somehow she makes me laugh. She’s so funny and such a positive person that does so much for others. I can’t wait! So I’m going with some girlfriends to LA and we are making it a celebrity stalking type of trip. We are booked at all the top celebrity spotting restaurants and bars.8) There will be a TMZ Bus Tour and shopping, aka browsing, on Rodeo Dr. We are even trying to squeeze in a day at the spa. If anyone in the LA area has any suggestions of places to splurge please let me know.

“Learn Glassblowing” is another item on the list. This is one of those things I’ve always wanted to try but never have. A very special angel sent me a certificate for 2 to attend a glass blowing class here in Phoenix. How cool is that!?!? Dean (my stepdad) is also an artist at heart and will be joining me for this one. We are scheduled for mid January… can’t wait to try it.

I feel so blessed and lucky to have so many angels out there! I know I say it all the time but I am truly overwhelmed. This is just a portion of all of the unbelievable contributions I’ve received to help me with my list. I will continue to post updates and fill you in on other experiences that are currently a work in progress. There is no possible way for me to truly express my gratitude for all of the outreach from so many angels. Please know that you all have touched my heart and I will be forever grateful.

Sending hugs and smiles
Sarah

It’s a new day. I’m feeling better today than yesterday and the day before. Last week was week 2 of the 3 week cycle – it was a small treatment. I still had the chemo hangover during the weekend, but it was more manageable. I was pretty tired and had the aches and pains, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as week 1 (the big treatment). Every time I go in for treatment the first step is to run lab work to ensure that my “levels” are ok and my body can handle the chemo. This means they check my red blood cell counts (RBC) and my white blood cell counts (WBC) in conjunction with other various levels. When the WBC is low it means my immune system has crashed and that’s when I need the Nuepogen shots (these are the ones that cause me the uncontrollable bone pain). Last week we found that my counts had dropped but not so much that we had to do the shots – woot woot! So, I didn’t have the bone pain to deal with! But, I knew that this meant that my immune system was pretty low and I had to be careful. Roy and I had our flu shots, but this is sickie season – everyone is passing around germs this time of year. I guess I’m a little paranoid because of this… but it seems that everywhere I go I hear a chorus of coughing, sneezing, nose blowing, and wheezing. I’m kind of a nutcase about it now. I am constantly hand sanitizing myself and holding my breath. I’m also taking anything that says it boosts the immune system – wheatgrass juice, floradix herbal supplement, drinks, etc.

In spite of all of my cautious ways I found that my right eye was itchy and red on Friday afternoon and got persistently worse into the night. It started getting gooey – I know, it was totally gross! I used natural tears eye drops, hot compresses, and washed my hands even more than usual. Saturday morning I woke up as “one eye” – my right eye was crusted shut – YUCK! I felt like a little kid, I mean who does this really happen to? Apparently, the girl with the shitty immune system! I pinged Michele (supernurse) who advised that I go to Urgent Care and get eye drops for pink eye. PINK EYE! EW! I quickly realized that morning that my left eye was now acting like my right eye was the night before. And my right eye was practically swollen shut and totally pissed off. Sigh. I decided to go the minute clinic at CVS – figured this would be faster than Urgent Care – 2 hours later… I had my Rx for eye drops – pink eye in both eyes. Let me tell you some fun facts about pink eye: it is super contagious, it itches like hell all the time, it causes eye crusties, my eyes are constantly dry – they feel like raisins… and there’s really no relief. It’s great fun. I started the eye drops right away – it’s now day 2 and still itchy but they look a lot better. Hopefully it goes away soon.

In an effort to again pretend that I am perfectly healthy, I jam packed my weekend. My mom had a small holiday party on Friday night. We went for a few hours; it was great to see a lot of family friends that I haven’t seen for way too long.  Then Saturday I had tickets to a holiday performance at the center for the arts – it was a singing, dancing holiday extravaganza! My plan was to take my mom out for dinner and then to the show (this was for sure something Roy would not want to do)  But, between the chemo hangover and the stupid double whammy pink eye I was wiped and had to call it – I knew I shouldn’t go out that night. So, I gave the tickets to mom and Dean and sent them out on a date night. I was super disappointed that I didn’t get to go, but had lunch with mom today and she said they both really enjoyed it - phew! I spent the evening resting and applying hot compresses to my eyes. Sunday was a home football game against the Lions. I went back and forth – to go or not to go? I was ridiculously tired and felt pretty crummy. The Cardinals have been playing like complete crap. But, I didn’t want to sit at home AGAIN and do nothing – I’m no good at that. Finally I sucked it up, put on my jersey and we went to the game. We didn’t tailgate this time and we missed it… but, so glad we went to the game. The team played great! We kicked butt and had a great time. It was a full weekend.

Here it is Monday, back to work already. Tonight Roy and I are finishing up some Christmas shopping. Tuesday we are headed to Zoolights, Wednesday is dinner with friends, and Thursday is back to chemo… seems that I just can’t sit still lately. I’m moving a little slower than normal… but I’m still moving… busy bee as usual!

Sending hugs & smiles!

I posted an update back in early November that I titled “It’s not always butterflies and rainbows” and I explained that some days it’s hard to find the silver lining. Today is one of those days. There’s nothing exceptionally different about today from yesterday or the day before that… but for some reason today I am stuck in a dark cloud. I generally avoid writing on these days, but today I feel like getting it out.

I find that I wrap myself in “busy”. These are the distractions that keep me from dwelling too much on the reality of my world right now. For the most part they are successful. I talk to friends and family, I work, I read, I watch funny things on tv and these things make me smile and forget. I try to live my life as though I don’t have cancer…. But every once in awhile, like today, I am overwhelmed with the reality. Honestly, I think it’s ok and probably healthy to have a reality check with myself. I can’t live in “busy” fantasy land all the time.

I have a binder that I’ve created for myself. In true form it is color coded, organized, and labeled with all of my stuff. It has my list of medications, business cards for my plethora of doctors, a daily tracker that I created to note when I took what, test results, lab work, and a calendar of events. I’ve distracted myself with this over the past few months because organizing something like this is weirdly enjoyable for me. I always loved getting a new trapper keeper for school when I was a kid! I got to organize, label, color code, and create a little world for myself inside of it. I know it’s kinda OCD sickness, but I love it. Oh, getting a new wallet – another great example. Getting to clean out my old wallet, spread my crap out on the table and then figure out the best places for everything in my new gem. Anyway, I found myself staring at this binder today and tears welled up in my eyes. I think it just hit me that this is my life now. A series of test results, appointments, and various doctors business cards.

I’m using my OCD calendar for medical and fun – mixing the two together… giving me something to look forward to. I’ve had a lot of amazing angels out there who are helping me live out my bucket list and I am unbelievably grateful. As I’m starting to plan these things I’m stretching into months ahead and I realize how scary that is for me now. How far out can I plan? How am I going to feel in 4 months? Crap, how am I going to feel tomorrow? It’s all unknown and while I’m trying to plan fun things to look forward to – I’m scared to set myself up for disappointment. While I knew all of this, somehow seeing it in front of me in my OCD color coded binder hit me in the face today. It’s little things like this that are somehow creating this dark cloud.

Part of this is probably caused because I’m tired. Just plain wiped. Trying to live life with cancer while pretending that you don’t is frankly exhausting! Go figure. I’m going out for dinner, meeting friends for drinks, going to events, running to appts, and working… really… that may even tire out a healthy person. So, this is what I’m attributing part of this dark cloud to. I also know that I have treatment tomorrow. Sigh. I know, I know… it’s a “small” one. But it’s no less daunting. This will be my first “small” treatment and while I assume that it will be way easier I don’t really know what to expect. One big lesson in all of this is to try not to set expectations when it comes to the beast. It always seems to do the unexpected just to piss me off.

I know this cloud will pass. Maybe in a day, maybe in an hour, maybe in a week. Sometimes it just feels good to let it out. All I can do is try to focus on the good parts of the day: When Ben looks at me with a snaggle toothed smile and cocks his head to the side as if to say “I love you”. When Roy comes home for his break to have lunch with me and give me a hug. When an old friend calls to say hi and catch up. These are the smiles in my day, these are the little rays of sunshine that break through the dark cloud. This isn’t an easy journey, it’s full of twists and turns, roadblocks, and clouds… all I can do is take it one day at a time.

Sending hugs and smiles,
Sarah

Since this is the first week of the new Big Small Small treatment plan I’m not sure what is lurking around the next corner. I had the Big treatment last Thursday. It’s Saturday night and I’m starting to feel the hangover. Nausea, aches, pains… but it’s manageable at this point. I also did not get the Neupogen shots this week. It was decided that we hold off and see if my WBC crashes. If it does they will give me the shots next week, but for now I skated by. This means I shouldn’t have the bone pain I experienced last time around. Yay! I think those hurt more than the chemo itself – but I’m interested to see what this weekend’s hangover will entail. I’m playing a fun game with myself of matching side effects to drugs (she says in her most sarcastic voice). Hopefully this will help me start to figure it out and learn to counter some of the side effects better. Or, maybe I just feel crummy and sleep through it again… we’ll see what tomorrow holds.

It’s been 80+ degrees lately – it just isn’t right. Just today, it’s finally cooling down and starting to feel like December. The brisk weather is a welcome visitor in my book – this is my favorite time of year. I quickly learned that patchy bald head and cool weather do not mix well. LOL I feel for bald men – it is shocking when your scalp is instant cold from the weather. Thankfully I have a few fuzzy knit hats to keep my head warm  I love being able to bundle up, so much better than being unbearably hot in the summers. It has inspired me – I have put up the Christmas decorations and am working on addressing the holiday cards. Fa la la la la!

Last week on the night before treatment I went with my mom and some friends to Phoestivus in downtown Phoenix. It was a lot of fun. It’s an outdoor event which was perfect with the chill in the air. They had about 10 different food trucks from around town. I few aisles of vendors with everything from farmers market veggies to hula hoops to handmade soaps and cat toys. There was also a beer garden with a few craft beers. We had a lot of fun chatting, eating, drinking, and shopping. I mean how can you go wrong with that mix of activities? It was a great way to spend the evening before chemo. Yesterday I caught up with a dear friend for lunch. Today Roy and I went to our favorite little breakfast spot and enjoyed the morning. It doesn’t seem like much, but it’s been a very busy few days. I’m hoping this is not the calm before the storm; I’m looking forward to a football Sunday.

Sending hugs and smiles,

Sarah

My how time flies… I can’t believe it’s been over a week since I posted an update. It’s strange to me how this first round of treatment has played tricks with me. I felt ok for awhile and now am crazy tired. I can even see it in pictures of myself. I’m worn out.

This past weekend we took it fairly easy. We had our official second Thanksgiving on Friday with my folks. I mean, who gets lucky enough to repeat turkey day and have two amazing thanksgivings? That’s right… we do! It was delicious, in fact, we are still eating left overs. Good think turkey is good for you.  Then, I went to the farmers market. Man I love that! What a treat to get farm fresh organic fruit and veggies. And I get fresh harvests of wheat grass for juicing – yummy! It just makes us feel good in the morning to have freshly juices fruits, grasses, veggies, and herbs! Mmm! It really does revitalize the body and get you going. Anyway, I bought some fresh new juicing ingredients. I finished up some holiday decorations that afternoon. Then we went to “cookie mania”. This is a crazy Charlie and the Chocolate Factory type of event that one of our friends coordinates to make hundreds if not thousands of holiday cookies. We drink, mix, bake, drink some more and decorate all afternoon and late into the evening. I can’t say all the gingerbread men are rated PG, but we sure to have fun creatively decorating after a few drinks.:P I didn’t make it as long as normal but we had fun while we were there. Sunday we spent the day watching football and doing stuff around the house. It was another nice football Sunday! Back to work on Monday.

Ok, there was another adventure this weekend. I knew it was time to shave my head last Thursday… but I thought it would be nice to get a family photo on Friday (the second thanksgiving). So, I didn’t want to fully give up on my hair until after this opportunity. I was very careful not to touch or brush it too much for a few days, it was coming out it patches. We did get a really good photo – I added it to the photos page if you wanna check it out. Then Saturday I knew I didn’t really have a choice, it was time to let go of the hair. Losing your hair this way actually aches. I’m not so emotionally attached to it… it’s just hair. But, there is a physical pain that comes with this hair loss. It’s like a big bruise under each hair follicle. Every time it moves, it hurts/aches. So Saturday I decided to “empower” myself and shave myself (with a little help from Roy). Here’s the lesson: do not use a home shaver device to try to shave your head – I don’t care what they show happened on the move 50/50 (good one btw) LOL. You can’t use this type of shaver to shave your entire head. It was comical. I kept going over the same spot and Roy kept trying to do the back section but I ended up looking like I just got out of a fight with an alley cat. It was just stupid! I ended up calling my hair guru John – he makes it look so easy! He fixed it for me as best he could while still keeping some hair like a short buzz cut. But, what I’ve come to realize is that I’m going to end up shiny bald this time around. Even the short buzz cut looks like the alley cat attacked the back of my head it’s so patchy. Any I think I should shave it all the way (cue ball it), but that one’s a little tougher, can’t quite bring myself to do it yet. Instead, I bought myself a new sassy wig. It’s dark with red streaks. I love love love it.. it’s totally different than anything I’ve had but always wanted. So, it’s a fun one to wear. I slipped it on tonight when Roy and I went for sushi and sake bombers – my favorite which I will have to give up soon, sushi and chemo don’t go well together. So we are enjoying it while we can. I forgot how fun it was to be someone totally different for an evening. It was a good night out!

My next treatment is Thursday. Sigh.:/ Just when I start feeling truly human again is right when I get hit with another big fat dose of chemo. But, I can do this… just keep fighting. One day at a time. This will start the “Big Small Small” treatment plan. It’s a three week cycle. Week one (this week) I will get a dose of both carboplatin and taxol. But the taxol will be a smaller dose. Then the next two Thursdays I will get small doses of taxol. So, I’ll be getting chemo every Thursday. I’ll also get Neulasta shots – these are the ones that help my white blood cell count (WBC) so I don’t have to go into the germ-free bubble. But these are the shots that give me horrific bone pain. Hopefully thru a three week cycle I can find balance. Fingers crossed.

Tomorrow is another day… let’s see what the adventure of the day holds…

Sending hugs and smiles!
Sarah

I am so excited to cross the first item off my bucket list! This past Sunday Roy and I went to the Cardinals vs Rams game and we were able to stand on the sidelines during warm up and pregame practice. Thanks to an amazing angel out there I was able to achieve my first check on my list.

This was as cool as I thought it would be! The stadium looks huge from the field perspective. There were a group of us there including quite a few kids. The players were extremely nice and came over to say hi every once and awhile. Fitzgerald, our top player, came over to a group of kids and gave one of them a practice ball. The kid was over the moon! It was awesome to see the interactions. Another player, Leach, came up to a little boy (maybe 4) that was next to me. This kid had the biggest blue eyes, so cute, and Leach asked him to hold his helmet for him while he stretched. The little boy was in awe and didn’t move an inch the whole time he held it. That’s a memory of a lifetime for that little one. Some of the other more popular players came over and shook hands, etc. It’s good to see that they are loyal to their fans.

We didn’t win the game that night, but this was definitely a game I will never forget. Thank you to the angel that made this possible for me. I am forever grateful.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I realized that while I have a lot of reasons to be angry, bitter, and sad that I instead choose to be thankful. There are so many reasons to be thankful and enjoy every moment. Life is too precious to be wasted with anger and negative energy. Live it, enjoy it!

We are in the car now driving home from our San Diego trip to spend the holiday with Roy’s family. We took the back way from Temecula through the mountain passes and Palm Springs out to the freeway to head home. It’s such a beautiful drive. As I look out the window at the mountains it makes me realize just how lucky I am to have this life. I’ve had the opportunity to see a lot of various landscapes from the shorelines of Florida, the Rocky Mountains, the plains of Texas, the Arizona desert, to the California shores, cities, and mountains. All of it is amazing and gives you a great perspective of just how grand this country is… and what a small speck each of us are within it.

Our trip was great. We spent our time with Sharon (Roy’s Mom), Aunt Susie, Grandma, Glenn (Roy’s Brother), Kelbe (his wife), and the kids: James (11), Jordan (8), Autumn (7), and Alicia (3). I’ve added photos from our trip to the photo gallery. We took the kids to Legoland. I’m a Disney girl so betraying the big mouse to go to Legoland was a tough sell for me but the park had some cool stuff and the kids had a great time. They had all these mini cities like san Francisco, Manhattan, New Orleans, etc. Those were pretty amazing. But Legos aren’t like they used to be. I remember primary colored squares and rectangles… I mean it was big time when we got ones with wheels on them! Now they make helicopters and flower gardens out of legos. It’s amazing what they can build with them now. We spent the full day at the park – I was exhausted after this, but proud of myself for hanging through it. My tummy was not as excited so I didn’t ride anything that spun or moved too fast but was able to do a few things. Spent a lot of time sitting and people watching while the crew waited in line and got on rides. Thanksgiving was a nice day. I brought some craft projects to do with the kids. We made hand print ornaments and google eye turkeys. We colored and painted while everyone else was cooking and visiting. Then the kids played outside and I took a little catnap on Roy’s shoulder on the couch.  The food was great. My favorite quote of the day… lol – makes me laugh just thinking about it… so we were sitting at the table waiting for the food to come out all the kids, me, and grandma… the kids started yelling out what they wanted: James said “I want a leg” and Autumn said “I want the wing” and Alicia (the little one) looked at me and said “I want the face”. OMG – LOL – I almost pee’d my pants she said it so excited and matter of fact. I know this story doesn’t relay nearly as well in print, but it was so adorable and funny! Overall it was a nice visit.

Roy and I are about 4 hours from home on the road – I see a nap in my very near future. Glenn and Kelbe took the kids to the zoo and the beach today. If I wasn’t so darn warn out we would’ve joined them for the day. I think a day of rest is needed. They are heading to our house tomorrow. We will spend Saturday getting stuff ready for tailgating cooking, and loading up the car. I think we will head to zoolights tomorrow night. This is a really cool event they do every year at the phoenix zoo. They set up hundreds of thousands of holiday lights around the zoo. The kids will love it and we are members of the zoo so we get some free passes. Then they are coming to the football game with us on Sunday. I’m so excited! It’s the Cardinals vs the Rams and although our team hasn’t been doing well, it’s still fun to be there in the energy of the end zone. Our seats are in the 8th row of the end zone – where are the real fans sit!  It’s a crazy, drunk, football chaos crew – I love it! And we have about 18 people that will be tailgating with us. We get there 4 hours before gametime and start tailgating. There are 2 tv’s (one for xbox Madden), two grills, 3 canopys, and a ton of fun. This week we decided to do a big holiday style meal: honey baked ham, corn casserole, yams, veggies, deviled eggs, salad, rolls, and pie! Whooey – that’s going to be fun. AND, we go into the stadium early because we get to stand on the field at the sidelines for warm up and maybe part of the game! What what! I’m so excited – big hugs to my angel that pulled this one together for me. I have a tradition since last year that I wear “pinkie” (my pink wig) to the games. Everyone in the stadium knows me as pinkie… and I’ve made it on the jumbo screen a few times So, I’ll be wearing her this weekend – I’m hard to miss if you watch the game on tv.

While it’s been a busy week… there is more fun to come. I’m thankful. Nuff said!

Sending hugs and smiles.